Paddy and Starfish

Sorry about the lack of postings over the last few days. My keyboard, somehow, was full of water and wouldn't work. Of course nobody accepted responsibility, but I was pretty fresh on Friday, so I can't fully absolve myself of blame either. This brings me nicely to a new, irregular thread, featuring two of Wibsey's finest, Paddy and Starfish. Most of you will be aware of who Paddy is, but might not be so familiar with "Starfish." I have Christened him "Starfish," because of his unhealthy fascination with butt holes. Anybody who has had the miss pleasure of seeing his mobile phone content will know exactly what, and who, I mean. Although the Brazillian fart sniffing bird is extremely funny.

It was the first time the terrible two have been out on a Friday together for quite a while, and I forgot what a hand full they are. Firstly they tried to wind me up about our lass getting "Smashed" by her new dance partner. This was to prove their word of the week, a new euphemism for intercourse, as they continued to go on about Smashing all and sundry. At one point Paddy even simulated "Smashing" my head, as he stood on a chair and thrust his groin in the direction of my right ear. It was extremely juvenile, but it was pretty funny, until they started telling us about their latest craze. It seems they like to get a few beers down them, drop a couple of Viagra, and sit around with red faces and erect penises. I pointed out that this is a little bit odd, some would say down right gay, but they didn't seem to care, and boasted how they Smashed their wives when they tired of giggling about how hard they were (Yes, amazingly, they are both married.) After an hour or so they got bored of talking about "smashing" and introduced us to their latest pub game. Both know better than to play "Shit Tashe" with us, so instead, when you were looking elsewhere, or talking to someone else, they would sneak up on you, and pinch the soft flesh on the back of your arm. Let me tell you it hurts, and I am afraid I retaliated, as did everyone else at the table, which soon descended into a playground pinch fest. All I know is that the next morning, as well as sporting the usual thick head, I was covered in bruises. I love them both to bit's, but sure am glad they don't get together on Friday that often.