Killer Keisters

This week was the official end of winter, and the start of British Summer Time. Now I know as well as the next fella this probably means loads of rain, and an increase in temperature of about, ohhhh 3 degrees, but we can dream. So this weeks Killer Keisters are an ode to warm weather and an summer by the beach. You can tell the top one is old school, by the white ass proudly framed by bronze skin. Takes me back to the wank mags my mates dad stashed in his cellar when i was a kid in the 70's, before all over tans and Brazilians became de rigeur. Our Beach babe below is just plain fine. That lovely heart shaped bum, covered in sand...... Perfection.



In fact, I liked the sandy cheeks shot so much, I found another. But in duplicate. Don't you just love the beach?


But if the previous lovelies got their Keister all sandy, where the chuff did this ample bottomed Missy get all sandy? Doesn't bear thinking about. Itchy!



Last butt not least, a sun kissed finale to our salute to summer. A nice gratuitous bronzed pair of buttocks. Nice.

Late. Really Late

Have had a seriously hectic few days since the last Wood contest, and have only just found the time to catch up. The MoFo levelled up the season scores, with a pretty standard display. The Richards boys were a little off their game, and Big JohnnyM is still nursing an injury. We still gave them a few frights, but the score was probably deserved. The highlight was the running slanging match between Jamon and the good Doctor. If they argue like that when they are winning, I can't wait to witness their antics when they are losing.


JMF- Dr Shotgun, Luclear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Big johnnyM, Crespo, Big Phil the Octopus and Shouty

2011 Season

JMF wins - 5

Euro Elite - 5


Draws - 2

Jeder Andere?

How time flies... In five weeks myself and the Shoutster will heading off to the German capital to hook up with Duggy and the Major to drink beer and watch the mighty Lowen take on Hertha Berlin. It is one of our smaller expeditionary forces, and if there are any more who fancy it, now is the time too make oneself heard. There may yet be another fella making the trip, but we will see what pans out on that front. Regulars Crespo and Sprocket have fallen foul of the nefarious M.R.S. and will instead be watching the Royal wedding as the touring quartet go on a massive four day Bender. But fear not. Whilst we are on our Teutonic tour, I am will be making plans with the Basel chapter of the Bender Squad for a Swiss adventure in late September, early October. As for the 29th of April? Speak now, or forever hold your peace.....

Fingers Crossed

This month saw the launch of the ticket sale scheme for the 2012 London Olympics, and as you have probably guessed, my interest in one certain sport was piqued. So I have found a few like minded individuals, and have applied for tickets for the quarter finals of beach volleyball tournament. After all, getting to watch an Olympic event at the Horse Guards Parade, which is also to be turned into a beach no less, is an historic once in a lifetime opportunity. The fact that it is a sport that features young, lithe women in tight Lycra bikinis has nothing to do with our hitherto unreported love of the sport. Still, it must be nice to be the Prime minister, as 10 Downing Street appears to overlook the venue. The saucy old git. There is however one catch. It is likely to be one of the most oversubscribed events of the two week long event. I can't think why, although this article on the Daily Mash website, insinuates that we are all a bunch of arse crazed lunatics, who only want to attend so we can participate in some kind communal group masturbate. I have absolutely no idea where they could have got this idea from! Anyway, fingers crossed for the lucky six who have ventured there support for this fine skill full sport. So all we can do know is cross our fingers and hope......

Killer Keisters

I have spent most of the week contemplating what this weeks them for our weekly assfest would be, and do you know what? I couldn't really come up with one. So this week I present a random selection of booty shots that just plain turn me on. Top of my list is the one above. It is just plain sexy, although I do wonder how her feet got so dirty. But not for long, as her ample keister is spunkerific, and I could pretty much star it all night............ Sorry lost concentration for a moment. The shot below is for all those young lads out there who are suffering from a new sinister form of addiction, according to a Panorama report on the BBC a couple of weeks backs. It appears video games are a new scourge amongst the young male population of the United kingdom, and caused much concern to a bunch of idiots who really need to get proper jobs, instead of leeching offf the public purse by founding ridiculous pressure groups to get the government to take action. There is a simple cure, outlined in the photo below. If they go for the joy pad instead of their own joy stick, they should be put out of their misery.

Next up is a nice shiny pair of cheeks. I have no real comment to pass on this lovely little shot. I just know that a few of my regular perusers like blonde birds with nice arses. And more power to 'em say I.

Which brings us on to our weekly G.A.S. Now last weeks was probably as gratuitous as you can get, without fitting 3-d (now there's a thought) but is a peachy little offering. Till next week, adios.

Westlife List

For those of you who have kept up with my meanderings over the past four years will be aware, I have something called the Tesco list. It is a collection of establishments that are either evil multi nationals, hell bent on world domination (Tesco, etc) or so hopelessly inept/stupid/poor value, that it's a miracle they stay in business (Sparks and their wanky sachet policy). But till now, I have never made public my Westlife list. It is not a long one, and is named after the chronic Irish warblers, whose sounds (I refuse to label it music) whose moronic beatings induce bleeding of the ears. They are banned from TV, and if they come on unexpectedly, there is a five second clause, that if the channel is not turned off, I will put my foot through the screen. Alongside these Gaelic toss pots is EastEnders. The cacophony of drivel, delivered in a drama school taught cockney accent at an ear splitting decibel level is enough to drive a saint to sin. How the devil so many people out there derive any source of entertainment or pleasure from this unadulterated dog shit, is truly one of the greatest mysteries of the civilized world. So what has led me to make this list public?

Although Comic Relief skates awfully close to warranting an entry (the only relief is that it only happens once every other year) the fact that it does raise money for worthy causes, and occasionally throws up a half decent moment. But the time has come to put one of it's supposed leading lights out to pasture. Now I admit that way back in the midst of time, aka my childhood, I thought he was brilliant on Tiswas. For a while he was mildly amusing during the 1980's, but now he is one of the biggest irritants in the universe, and sadly, apart from his Premier Inn ads, is only ever wheeled out during the bi-annual charityfest. Lenny Henry now only seems cap[able of pulling some kind of wide eyed simpleton face, and making a strange array of hoots and hollers, that only he seems to find amusing. Let's face it, his time is up, and he should only be broadcast on those nostalgia shows that Sky seem to show continually. It's happened to all the UK's comedy "greats" from Jimmy Tarbuck to Freddie Starr, and it is high time Leonard was shown the way to the countries least hilarious rest home. Or even better, he could be sent, along with Westlife and the entire cast and crew (past and present) of Eastenders on some deep space mission to the outer nebular region.

Westlife List

• Westlife-the mere mention of the name is enough to cause nauseousness, never mind the sight, and especially sound, at witch thoughts of stalking them, and torturing them, as they torture my precious senses takes an almost homicidal hold.
• Eastenders- Really, who watches this shit? The fact that I am taxed to provide funding for this garbage, is enough to make me contemplate emigrating.
• Lenny Henry- Go. Now. And for fucks sake do it without the stupid noises!
  

Quick Start, Slow Finish.

Once again, apologies for my tardiness, fell asleep on the sofa and didn't wake up till time for work the next day. Too many late nights with the Shoutster in the New Inn..... Still we needed a bit of a drink after our showing down the Wood. Even before we kicked off, the omens did not look good. Clogs was carrying a slight strain, Shouty had been doing insanely long shifts at work and I had other things on my mind, and to be honest would rather not have played. But in spite of all that, we got off to a flyer. Within no time we were 5-0 up. Everything we touched went in. But the MoFo were making chances, and we were riding our luck. Then, at the first goalie shift, it all went pear shaped. Our lead was over hauled in double quick time, as our defense evaporated. I took one ferocious shot in the chest off Dead Eye. Still feeling it now, two days later. It was a great block, or would have been a great one if the ball hadn't spun backward and trickled into the net. The Gay Lords were on top now, and we were struggling to hold on. And the our luck turned from bad to to worse. Clogs had to retire to goalie, and the jig was up. Now I know I'm making a lot of excuses here, and I don't mean to do a disservice to the JMF. They played very well, particularly at the back. They soaked up our pressure, and made us pay on the break. The usually profligate King Dave and Dr Shotgun filled their boots, scoring a hat full alongside the ever reliable D-Eye, who also made a shed load of great saves. Salty Scott was also on song, and even a lame Jamon played his part. Bravo to the shirt lifters. Hopefully next week we will be in better shape to try and regain our two game lead.


JMF- Dr Shotgun, Salty Scott, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, Crespo, Big Phil the Octopus and Shouty

2011 Season

JMF wins - 4

Euro Elite - 5


Draws - 2

Thank F%#k it's Saturday

What the Dickens happened to Friday nights? It used to be the big night out for lads shenanigans, and Saturday was saved for the trouble and strife, but this appears to be no longer the case. I fear Friday is yet another causality of the Modern World, as Saturdays have become just another ordinary work day for the great majority of us. A grand example was our Ides of March bender last weekend. There was plenty of enthusiasm, and we did have a pretty good turn out, but it would have been twice as popular if there weren't so many who had to graft the next day. Now there was a time, when we were all young bucks, that getting steaming drunk and going into work the next day proved to be no problem. But as we sail into our thirties and forties, our constitutions have slowly been eroded by past glories. Which begs the question, should our Benders now be scheduled for Saturdays? A simple solution, or so you would have thought, but guess what day we usually get dragged of to the in laws? That's right Sundays. Roast dinners with the outlaws are just about tolerable with a clear head, but lob a ten pint hang over into the equation, and yet another pickle rears it's head. But we are the Bender Squad, and our mission is, to well Bender I suppose. So going forward, we will probably see a move towards Saturdays as our day of worship. Excepting Good Friday, which is just peeking over the horizon. It would be rude not to, wouldn't it??

Killer Keisters

Hello ass fans, it is time for your weekly dose of keisters. And a cracking (get it?) week it is. No particular theme, just lashings of uber sexy shots. Don't really know why I like the one above, but it gets the old blood flowing to a certain appendage. Nice. And if that one doesn't get your old fella stirring, try this little minx below. That come hither, over the shoulder look chewing on fingers should have you drawing the curtains and dimming the lights right about......now.

Hello again, hope you feel better for that, I know I do. So here is a nice relaxing shot. Soft focus, beautifully lit and featuring, of course, a cheeky little keister. Very soothing.

So that is it for another week. Apart from our G.A.S. Didn't think I'd forget that did you? A fine ample bottom, with a handy directive stitched onto her pants. Magic.

Shootout Stalemate

Last nights tussle down the Wood was a goalfest, that ultimately resulted in a high scoring draw. Both teams breached the twenty goal barrier, possibly even thirty, but after an hour there was nothing in it. In fact it was almost a carbon copy of the previous week, in reverse. This time it was the Righteous who blew a seven goal lead, although much of this can be put down to the skulduggery of the shirt lifting MoFo. He continues to protest that he would have saved Clogs shot, but it was his tenuous shout of head high that left him high and dry. Yes you Dead Eye.... There were other incidents of note. Shotgun scored a goal. Big Phil the Octopus berated me for not marking HIS man. Crespo berated everyone (he has been very cranky of late) And King Dave kicked everyone, including a couple on his own team. All in all a good game, even though we should have buried them at the end, as an injured Luklear War was forced into nets. he couldn't move, but then again we decided to shoot straight at him.


JMF- Dr Shotgun, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, Crespo, Big Phil the Octopus and Shouty

2011 Season

JMF wins - 3

Euro Elite - 5


Draws - 2

Bantams 2 Millers 1

First off, a few words for Dean Richards. I am not the sentimental type, and he played for the Bantams while I was more interested in partying all weekend, and chasing skirt. In fact, I am not sure I ever saw him play in Claret and Amber. But 36 years old is no age, and for what it's worth, my deepest sympathies go to his family.

Now I wasn't going to bother posting much more concerning the Bantams remaining games, but there has been some changes, and I thought it worthwhile to update. First up, we have a new interim manager. I, along with many others, had high hopes when the announcement was made last year, that Peter Taylor would be taking charge. The McCall experiment had run it's course, and with Mr Taylors previous record, it seemed to all that a playoff place was all but a certainty. But we are Bradford City, and it never worked. There were a few good displays, but the majority were turgid, defensive showings, that are fine when you are grinding out results, but disaster when you are losing. In the end it was a relief to see the club and manager part ways. But his interim replacement was a surprise. As a player, he was a City legend, as a manager one of our greatest antogonisers. Peter jackson does have some pedigree at this level, but his time as boss of the Terriers has left a bad taste with many supporters. So his first home game was going to interesting come what may.

And it was. The lads looked a lot more confident, and comfortable with the 4-4-2 system. Rotherham were tough opponents, but it was good to see us looking to win, rather than avoid defeat. Especially when we went in front. Mr Taylors response would have been to fall back and play on the break, but Jacko kept the accelerator down. Jake Speight, who had failed to impress under Taylor, looked well lively, and the partnership he forged with Hanson looks promising. However, he needs to score, as he looked to be trying a little too hard. I think once he gets one, a few will flow. The Millers, who are looking for a promotion slot, equalised just prior to the interval, but instead of losing heart, the team looked up to the task. I don't rate him much as a player, but Flynn must take some credit, as he does play the captain role well. The winner was dubious to say the least. Adeyami smashed a pile driver off the underside off the bar, and the linesman gave it. How he could tell at that speed was beyond me, but we have been due some luck, and the three points will help the survival cause, as well as Jacksons, no end.

Kev watch- A tough one. I would have been more happy watching the Arsenal-Barcelona match, but he dragged me down the Parade instead. So I did see the game, and a win. But it was butt ass cold, and the game will probably prove to be pretty pointless. I think I will split it down the middle. 5/10

Killer Keisters

This week Killer Keister is in honour of panties. Not just any, but crisp virginal white ones, my absolute favourite. Now I have no issue with wide variety of different styles of knickers, thongs, g-strings, boys pants and the like, but for me, nothing beats a pair tighty whities. I adore the shot above, as an almost perfect example. A lovely curvy keister, I am sure you will agree. The photo below is for the fans of the more ample arse. A classic bent over, skirt riding up pose. Very cheeky.

Now I try not too post repeat shots on the thread, but too not feature the two lovelies below, particularly in an ode to the white pantie, would be nothing short of criminal. And I know one will make a certain squad member most happy.


I had to include the one above, as to be honest, it is my favourite. An absolute peach. Which just leaves us with this weeks G.A.S. Now you may have figured that it had already been posted. I know I have got a bit carried away this week, as I say this can probably be considered almost a fetish, but I think you guys out there (and who knows, perhaps a few gals) deserve a treat now and again. Now wheres those wet wipes.....

Last Gasp Draw

Sorry it has taken so long to update on the weekly Wood clash, but I have been knackered lately, and have fallen asleep on the sofa the past few nights. Which is a shame, as Wednesdays tussle was by far the best game of the season to date. An early JMF flurry seemed to have the game sewn up, but a dogged Elite, guided by Clogs deadly shooting, and Crespos pink pumps, saw the game turned on its head. In fact, after leading for the first 50 minutes, the MoFo found themselves behind and clinging on desperately to try and maintain their seemingly insurmountable lead. But with the clock ticking towards it's climax, a dramatic six goal turn around was on the cards, as the boys in white inched into a one goal lead. A last minute breakaway by the Righteous looked to have sealed the shirt lifters fate, but a desperate lunge and interception by Dead Eye turned defence into attack, and the Euro boys were caught on the counter attack. The bell sounded milliseconds after the net rippled, and an honourable draw was the final result. Was it a win dropped by the MoFo? It could well prove crucial at the end of the 2011 campaign..


JMF- Dr Shotgun, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, Crespo, Big Phil the Octopus and SportsCentre Boy

2011 Season

JMF wins - 3

Euro Elite - 5


Draws - 1

Growing Old Disgracefully

I will tell you this, growing old ain't half as bad as i expected it to be. Yes the hangovers are worse, and the old short term memory not as keen as it once was, but I am having a pretty decent time at the moment. This Saturday was an excellent example of the shenanigans a middle aged geezer can get up to. Clogs and his younger cousin Joe have another cousin who happens to be a professional boxer. this Saturday he was on the under card of a boxing event at Elland Road in Leeds, so I said I'd go over with Joe and his mates. A few beers were had, and we made our way to the venue. Now the evening was sponsored, in part, by the Wildcats chain of lap dancing clubs, and the hall was festooned with nubile young hotties wearing hot pants, benders and the tightest of t-shirts. Granted a few breasts may have well have been silicon enhanced (one would have had yer eye out) but damn, they were all fine (apart from one tiny little thing who looked like a little buy (creepy)). The boxing was good, although Eddie, the guy we went to see, sadly lost. At the end of the night, we went outside to try and get a cab back to Leeds. And this is where being out with a trio of 23 year olds comes in handy. They spotted a bird from a rival lap dancing club and managed to blag us a lift back into town in a limousine. With a couple of lap dancers inside. Now I know it was all a ruse to get us back into the city centre, and get us into their club spending money, which is the handy part of being in ones forties. The limo was a bit dank (it smelled of cat pee) and because it had so many lights flashing away inside, every time the driver indicated it lost power. But I had the pleasure of tight, young bottom being waggled in my face all the way into town. Her and her mate even put on a bit of a lesbian show, kissing and canoodling, in a vain attempt to get us too part with our brass. But this whole incident has inspired me. Inspired me to hence forth grow old as disgracefully as possible. Call it a mid life crisis. Call it the male menopause. I don't give a shit, from here on it's tits and beer all the way.......

Beware the Ides of March!

Et tu Shouty? Yes even reformed lay about Shouty is angling to come out on our semi-spontaneous night of march madness. Now it may not be technically the true Ides of March (apparently that's the 15th), but how often do I get to mangle a Shakespearean quote on this blog? Enough of the flannel. As winter begins to release it's icy grip (it will probably snow on the night), and the Xmas debt starts to subside, a Bender Shout has been called. On Friday the 11th, we are aiming to gather a few of the Squad, and go on a mission. Decks have been cleared, bosses informed and wives kept in the dark, so get yourself down to the Fighting Cock, on Preston Street, for between 19:30 and 20:00 hours. From there the forlorn city of Bradford is our oyster. No definite plans have been made, although there is talk of hitting a couple of bars around Horton Bank, and maybe the Delius in student land. The Big Cheese is also about, so don't rule out a late visit to the casino. For those of you who aren't scared of the missus, let's try and make it through to Saturday night. The gauntlet has been thrown down...