Who Can Tell??

I have a bit of time on my hands today, before taking off to Europe, so I have decided to take the plunge and joined Twitter. I believe in the tech vernacular it is called following someone, so you can now follow me at http://twitter.com/europeanbri. Now I expect you all know as well as I, that my chronic bone idleness means this will more than likely prove to be a short lived affair, but who can tell? I may prove to some kind of autistic style genius when it comes to mini musings on the Internet. Or more than likely just autistic. Only time will tell.

A Break with Tradition

Or a reconnaissance mission, depending on your disposition. There were plans afoot earlier in the year for this to be a full blown Bender mission, but a mini baby boom, combined with the on going economic woes of various Squad members, means I am going to the 12th annual Belgian Beer festival, not with a bunch of hairy arsed beer drinkers, but the Elster, who thakfully has a posterior that is follicle free. There of course has been some compromise. I am legally bound to only get fresh, and we will only be spending one night in Brussels, before going for a romantic day in France. Still, it beats drinking Carling in the Villager, no offence to Andy, or his marvellous staff. So I am mere hours for taking off to the Comtinent, and will hopefully post some stuff whilst there.

Killer Keisters

A bonus Keister this week, not just a photo, but a film clip. And a very well known advert, especially for those of you who watch to much day time telly, for some slimming aid. It features a well built bird shaking a well built ass. I particularly like this one, as it features a female that you could actually see yourself scoring with, and with a smidgen of luck, resting your balls upon her fine buttocks. Nice.

Lame Excuse

After weeks of being demolished, the JMF finally got their fingers, thumbs and knobs out of each others arses, and put up a strong performance on Wednesday night down the Wood. They even managed to take a lead, albeit briefly late in the game, but were eventually undone by a late injury. The MoFo welcomed back Funky, after a long lay off with a pulled sphincter, and with Crespo coming in for an absent Dead Eye and Bug JohnnyM for King Dave, who was at a rent boy convention, so the usual call of an inferior line up can not be used on this occasion. Two Scoops was in ebullient form from the off, as he harried and chased down the female shy JMF, and between himself and Clogs, ensured an early lead. The MoFo hung tough for a change, and luck seemed to be smiling upon them, as jamon managed to score a miracle goal. The miracle being he didn't use his big toe. With his eyes firmly closed, and facing totally the wrong way, he swivelled through 360 degrees, and fired into the far corner from a nigh on impossible angle. As the saying goes, the sun shines on every dogs backside now and again. This still seemed as it would have no bearing on the result, as the Righteous lead was comfortable, but a combination of loose finishing and show boating let the spunk buckets back in, and amazingly they took the lead. For about a minute. The missing malaise was put behind us, and at the bell we had prevailed by a goal. But there was a further ten minutes to add on, as the guy at the desk made us pay before playing, so we were entitled to play on. This raised the JMF's hopes, but they were almost immediately dashed, as Funky came up lame with a pulled vagina. Myself and Two Scoops were in no mood to show sympathy, and snuffed out the Gaylord challenge with a flurry of goals. Next week, Funkys Pussy strain withstanding, should see the correct teams turnout.

JMF- Funky, Crespo, Big JohnnyM, Luklear War and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Mercenary, Shouty and Two Scoops

2010 Season

JMF wins - 14

Euro Elite - 19


Draws - 0

Lions Roar at Home

If the Bantams plight is begining to look a bit ominous, at least the lads in blau und weiss provided a tonic over the weekend. The boys saw off Osnabruk 3:1, in front of just over 21,000 on Sunday. New signing Rakic bagged a brace, a good sign as we have been far to reiant on Beeny for the last few seasons. The second round of the DfB Cup has been drawn as well, a tough away game at Koln in October, which will more than likely leave Der Lowen free to concentrate on the league for the rest of the season. Next up Duisberg away.

Bantams 0 Shrimpers 2

Apologies for the delay to this post, but I have just about come out of the coma induced by this tedious game. It was shite.

Pie Rating- As if the game was not bad enough, there was even more bad news. The pies have been changed. last seasons were pretty good, and I had high hopes for the beginning of the season (much as I did for the football side of things), but was amazed to find that what was put in front of me was wrapped in celephain. This, as any motorway traveller will attest, is a sure fire sign of blandness. Luke warm, crumbly pastry and meagre filling, all for £2.60. It was ghastly, and ranks right up, or down, there with the awful offerings at Elland Road, who also wrap their savouries in clear plastic. So it looks like I will be shedding the pounds this season, between my pie avoidance and the steep incline of steps to my seat. I will be as thin as Kate Moss in no time. Or maybe not. Saturday afternoons will be a time of fasting henceforth. Apart from away matches. 0/10

Kev Watch- Driving, and under orders not to stay out late. Gave me a lift home. Still not back to top form however, understandably considering the action, or lack of, on the pitch. See if you can spot him in the photo below. 4/10

Killer Keisters

I was just scrolling down my recent posts, and was quite taken with the pert posterior I posted a few days back to break up the football chat. I liked it. And it just so happens I have been pondering a weekly posting that is both lazy, and features a picture, to take the place place of the long ceased "Battle of the Brews" campaign. So in honour of the part of the female anatomy that most floats my boat, welcome to the inaugural "Killer Keisters" thread. It fits perfectly, as there is an unlimited source of material, and all it requires is a picture and a glib remark. The honour of the first "Double K" award goes to super Scarlett Johansson, whose ass shake makes ultra dull Iron man 2 just about watchable. The only word I can think of to describe its magnificence is "MUCHOS!!"

Ad es Aus!

Der Bundesliga got underway over the last weekend, and 1860 were the Monday night game taking on VFL Bochum, who are going to be one of the contenders for promotion this year, so it was a stern test away from home. To stern it transpired, as Der Lowen went down bravely 3-2, sunk by two goals from the "Peoples Rooney" Jong Tae-se. "Who he?" I hear you ask. He is the North Korean chap who was seen in floods of tears at the recent World Cup as his countries national anthem was played prior to the Brazil game. Big Bad Benny Lauth pulled one back 30 minutes from time to make the home team sweat, but alas, they ended up leaving empty handed. Next weeks home opener is against perennial strugglers Vfl Osnabruk, so you can almost guarantee a loss. For those interested, I will be pricing up the Berlin trip when I return from Brussels, although Crespo is still holding out. I am toying with a Facebook campaign to make him change his mind.

Four Play

For the fourth week in a row a patched up JMF succumbed to the Righteous. From the off the MoFo were determined to upset the odds, and got off to a strong start, the cumbersome Jamon even bamboozled Euro Bri to conjour up a score, but that was to be pretty much that. The early lead given up by the Euro boys was probably the kick in the pants that was required, and although it was nip and tuck for a spell, once the gap was opened the result was not in doubt. Two Scoops and Clogs ran riot up front, and long distance scores from Euro, Mercenary and Shouty gave the boys in white a lead that was never less than four. At the final bell only Jamon could be heard to wail of the injustice of it all, his team mates knew the result was just. But the tide could be turning for the MoFo. Second in command Funky should be returning next week, and the week after that, fingers crossed, they should have King Dave and Dead Eye back, which will mean that they will be sporting their first team for the first time since early May. Of course by the time they have got back up to full fitness, and reacquainted themselves with each other, they could have a mountain to climb.

JMF- Ramsey Street, Big Phil, Big JohnnyM, Luklear War and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Mercenary, Shouty and Two Scoops

2010 Season

JMF wins - 14

Euro Elite - 18


Draws - 0

Not as Gay

For a few years we (as in me and Crespo, Shouty and Sprocket) have had to put up with catcalls about the gayness of our 1860 wristbands. Especially from our wives and girlfriends. But all that may be about end. Sort of. Because Der Lowen have re-designed their Schweißbands. Instead of the classically camp baby blue and white stripes, they have gone for singular colours, as shown below:


Sexy, eh? To be fair baby blue will always be a little fruity, but white is the colour of the Righteous Euro Boys, and fair drips with manliness! I will always retain my original band, purchased on my first trip to the Allianz, but ever since Crespo's missus tried to get it around her head, it has been looking a bit baggy. I am thinking of placing an order for a couple of things, but the shipping is a killer, so if any other members want anything let me know and we can split the difference.

MoFo Broken?

Have the Righteous finally broken the will of shirt lifting MoFo? Once again they had a make shift side, One Scoop, who was pencilled in to sub for Dead Eye, was laid low by a leg injury, and late sub Big JohnnyM was called up. He did his best, but was showing a lack of match fitness, after being unable himself to play for three weeks. Once again Big Phil played for the long term Funky. Surprisingly they took a three goal lead. King Dave looked to be on fire, and an upset seemed to be on the cards. But hope shone bright briefly, and within another five minutes the game was up. To stand a chance, they needed to have their eye in, and the brief moments were they found themselves in scoring position, either great keeping, or snatched shooting, meant that they didn't score for 40 minutes. Of course we scored a hat full. Game over. After the match, King Dave was the first to carp about the fairness of the sides, and then immediately announce he couldn't play for the next two weeks. Which is where the JMF problem really lies. Of course Funky and dead Eyes recent injuries couldn't be helped, but the secret to a successful side is continuity. Last year, with both Two Scoops and Clogs sidelined, we suffered a similar problem. Over the past two months only Luklear and Jamon have regularly shown up, and the lack of cohesion has cost them dear. Combine this with the long lay offs of Crespo and Young Gaz has meant ready made replacements are not easy to come by. Next week sees yet another line up change, and hopefully we will get a game, because unlike our effeminate opponents, we don't enjoy easy victories. Still, we will take the win.....

JMF- King Dave, Big Phil, Big JohnnyM, Luklear War and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Mercenary, Shouty and Two Scoops

2010 Season

JMF wins - 14

Euro Elite - 17


Draws - 0

Given a Good Kicking

You may be wondering why there hasn't been any posts over the last couple of days. Well, if truth be told, I am recovering from taking a bit of a beating. Battered and bruised most of Sunday, licking my wounds on Monday . On Saturday, after a few brews in Wilsden, me and Mossy decided to have a few beers in Clayton, as it was nearer to home. Everything was going along swimmingly, until we stumbled into the Albion, were I got into it with an old adversary that I hadn't crossed paths with a few years. Sambucca. At my age I should know better, but the young bar keep was pert and friendly, and after we did a Jagermeister with her, she smiled and returned the favour with a round of Cranberry Sambuccas. Of course they didn't taste nearly as bad as they usually do, and Mossy insisted on another. Combine this with ten plus pints all ready quaffed, and we were on a slippery slope. I vaguely remember having two or three more, and ringing cab. My next memory is pissing down the side of our lasses motor, falling over in the bathroom. and waking up with television nearly knocked off it's stand. Of course Sunday was a write off. But at least I made it home. Mossy decided to walk home, which meant he spent a few hours asleep in a field, after realising he didn't live as close to the Albion as he thought. Where's sensible Kev when you need him?

Bantams 1 The Boro 0

No, I didn't realise that Stevenage F.C. were nicknamed "The Boro" either, but that's what it says on Wikipedia, so it will do for me. If truth be told, it is the most interesting thing to report, on what can only be described as a snooze-fest of epic proportions. It was a strange game, Taylor rested numerous players from the mid-week cup game against Forest, and those who did start never really got out of first gear. The visitors, in only their second ever league game, made all the running, but although they hogged possession, never did much with it. The after half an hour, Bullock went down in the area, and Evans scored form the spot. Daley nearly scored early in the second half (which might have made a game of it) and Stevenage had a golden opportunity to equalise from a poor back pass, but it was fluffed. And that was about it. The one saving grace is that under the previous regime we would have lost.

So much for the game, now on to our new seating arrangement. Queso requested a change of view, and after three seasons in the same area we decided to give the top tier of the Kop a go, until at least Christmas. It is a Hell of view, we are about six rows from the back of the stand, but this means there are a considerable amount of stairs to be climbed. The Grande one was away on his holidays, and I am keen to hear his thoughts on the cliff like ascent that he will need to undertake every other Saturday. (Will do him good, if you ask me) Of course our new stair master route to our seats will allow for more pie action, as the effort should burn up most of the calories that have just been ingested. The toilets are also a fair old hike, which means more beer can be supped for the same reason. The main bonus though, is that we will remain dry during the British rainy season, which now seems to run from July through to May.

Pie Rating- A guest effort this week. We called in at Haighys for a swift one on our way to the ground, and they had a free Keema on the go, so I filled my face, which meant I didn't bother with a pie. Instead Mossy's young lad, Lichen, filled the breach, wolfing down a Steak and Kidney. He gave it a perfect 10/10. Now I admit it is good, but I fear youthful exuberance may have got the better of him. For a start he didn't even eat the crust! Kids these days.....



Kev Watch- I am not sure if the lad is suffering a bit of a World Cup hangover, but he is having a bit of a Rooney at the moment. He is showing glimpses, but is in desperate need of form. He drove to the game, so took it easy on the beer. Then he had to try a placate a bored Helmet, who doesn't do shit football games well, and then jiggered off early from the Villager. An improvement on the previous outing, he didn't get me a pint of Carling for a start, so his free transfer to Park Avenue is off the cards. Maybe a couple of months on loan at Guisley will sort him out......4/10

Pert

As you have noticed, the last last several posts have all been about football. Now I am making no apologies for this, after all football season has just started, and the games tend to come hot and heavy. For example, we are off to watch the Bantams this afternoon. So to break up the soccer monopoly, here is a picture of a pert bottom.

Final Reminder

We have the prerequisite number of teams to be in contention for the dream team prize, but the numbers are down on last year. So this is the last chance to score points from the off, all teams need to be registered by 12:30 tomorrow, or you will have to take the golden gamble route and take a late entry. Machine is in, and it is down to myself, Big John B, Lobon, Aki and Lobon to prevent his win streak extending to six. So get your cards out, ya tight wads, and get joined up.

Ponces Kick Off

So the a week after the proper football season started, the overpaid thespians take their bow, as the English Premier league gets under way. And for a change it could actually be interesting. Instead of the same four clubs strolling to a top four finish, we actually have at worst six, at best eight teams that look like they could actually contend. Villa and Everton are, admittedly long shots, but Man City, Spurs, Arsenal, Liverpool, United and Chelsea can be considered legitimate title hopefuls. True, both Liverpool and Tottenham look a little short squad wise, but both Chelsea and United are beginning to look long in the tooth, and Arsenal still seem a little lightweight. Does this mean Man City are due to buy the crown? I don't think so, as I am of the opinion that Mancini is a little too conservative to put his superior spending power to proper use. A team that is top heavy with defensive midfielders, and relying on the enigmatic Adebayor and Balotelli for goals does not look champion calibre to me. I reckon the stylish Italian will back in his home country in time for Christmas. Liverpool will improve under Hodgson, the Gunners will flatter to deceive, Chelsea seem to be getting old fast, and as for Spurs, come on..... so like it or not, and rest assured I don't, I fore see a last hurrah for the likes of Neville, Giggs and Scholes as a Rooney inspired Man United move ahead of Liverpool as the most successful English team of all time. In the Fa Cup, I predict Manchester City, lead by Martin O'Neil, as winners, the League Cup, or whatever it is called now, going to Chelsea, In Europe, Hodgson will loose his third Uefa Cup, or whatever it is called now, final too Werder Bremen. In the champions league Spurs will go on a magical run to become the first English team to win all three European trophies. I predict this in honour of my favourite Swiss geezer, The Major. Going Down? Blackpool, West Brom and the JMF.