Killer Keisters

Well my PC has gone south on me again, which means I am deprived of access to the "Spank Bank" a.k.a my hoard of Killer Keisters. Which is a bummer, because the Elster wont allow me to keep a reserve vault on her lap top. But I was hoping to upload the fine ass currently displayed on several local buses. Some fine minx is bent over tying her shoe laces, showing of her mighty fine arse. Which is hardly surprising considering that she is advertising reebok easytones. Anyway, seeing as I can not post any pictures this week, please feel free to enjoy the delectable Kelly Brook, whose arse is is the main, neigh only feature, used in this recent advert for the a fore mentioned foot wear.

And while we are on the subject of Easy tones, here are a couple of ad posters to tide you over till I get my accursed desk top back up and running.

Almost Blown

The last few weeks have seen the Righteous contrive to blow golden win opportunities , and this week was no exception. After a sterling start, it seemed the remainder of the game would be a cake walk. But Luklear War told his side to keep going, as we would choke, and by crikey he was nearly right. Our biggest issue seems to be a pathological need to try and score nothing but glorious goals, when we should be grinding the female dodgers into the dust. Of course the MoFo don't give a monkeys how they go in, and with the clock ticking down drew level, and another draw seemed on the cards. This time we dug deep. Clogs scored to inch us back in front, and a clean sheet by yours truly saw us earn a victor

Octopus v Dolphin

This week battle of the sea creatures went the way of the cephlapod. Time and again he repelled all of flippers attacks. His most notable effort is out lined below, but worthy of mention was the moment he took a full blast on the back of his bonce.

Moment of Match

Honourable mentions must go to Crespos last ditch tackle, Euro Bri's early exocet and Lukler Wars crumble to the floor, which elicited the loudest slap noise ever heard. And it would be remiss of me not to mention Child Catchers hat trick, nor his tackle that left me with shredded shorts. They would all make worthy winners, but yet again it is the many armed one who takes the weekly accolade. His Volleyball/Catch in the slips diving save from Dave the Dolphin was one of the funniest things I have seen EVER! Watching him sail through the air, horizontally, with a grim look of determination on his face was pure magic.

JMF- Big jihnnyM, Luklear War, Salty, King Dave and The Padawan

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Octopus, Dr Shotgun and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 17

Euro Elite - 13


Draws - 5

Killer Keisters

Hey up butt fans, it's that time of the week again, Killer Keister time to be precise. This week is random week. Just enjoy some fine pieces of ass....



I have no idea why you would polish a glass chair in the buff, but what the hell. Works for me....


And to finish, a nice big juicy G.A.S.

Padawan Breaks Euro hearts

It was there for the taking. A high scoring affair seemed to be in the bag for the Righteous, who were holding onto a slender lead, but the young fella popped up out wide to curl one into the bottom corner to level the scores. Mind you, Clogs should have covered himself in glory, not just once, but twice. Instead he blazed two golden chances high wide and handsome, and what seemed a certain victory had been spurned. At the start, it looked like it would be a cake walk for the lads in white, as a substantial lead was earned. That is until the Octopus took up residence between the sticks. Now you would think a chap with eight appendages would be a bit handy as a goal keeper, but Big Phil must have had seven of 'em tied behind his back, as we went from miles in front, to being in arrears. The rest of the game was pretty entertaining stuff. Four penalty disputes, a battle of sea creatures, and an exciting finish. Top stuff indeed.

Moment of Match
Mention needs to be made of the Shotguns top strike early on. Took the ball with his left, turned inside, and smashed one into the far corner. But the moment of the match has to go to mighty marine battle between King "Flipper the Dolphin" Dave and Big Phil "The Octopus" At first it looked like the many armed one was going to get the better of the tussle, but the Dolphin had a surprise move tucked up his blow hole. Instead of employing his size ten flippers, he used an old fashioned shoulder barge on the cephalopod, who deployed his ink spray, and was gone.

JMF- Big jihnnyM, Luklear War, Salty, King Dave and The Padawan

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Octopus, Dr Shotgun and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 17

Euro Elite - 12


Draws - 5

Footballs Back

All the leagues have now kicked off, so it's time for my annual round of predictions of the ups and downs that will play out in May. First up we start in the lowest league, were my beloved bantams ply their trade for the fourth season in a row (although it seems like a lot longer) Every season has seen us slip closer to the oblivion of the Blue Square conference. Now I don't think (hope) we are as bad as last year, but neither do I reckon we are promotion material either. Plymouth's financial woes, and the usual suspects of Barnet, Burton and Hereford, should see us retain our league status, so a boring season of mid table mediocrity beckons. To go up? Swindon, Crawley and Southend.

The next division up, yet again, features three teams that would have provided great fixtures for the Claret and Ambers. Both Sheffield clubs and Huddersfield would have packed out Valley Parade and show just why we need to be out of this wretched league we are currently in. Charlton and Brentford, with possibly the Blades to exit via the glory method, and Orient, Exeter and Stevenage via the humiliation method.

The Championship next, and this seasons big spenders, Leicester, look a pretty solid bet. Out of the teams that came down, West Ham look the likeliest to make a rapid return. Ipswich, Cardiff and reading look certs to be in or around the play off places, and Southampton are best equipped to do a Norwich and jump into the Premier. For the drop? What kind of City fan would I be if I didn't tip Leeds? To join them I will take Barnsley and Doncaster, a trifecta of Yorkshire failure if yo will.

The Premier league looks a straight shoot out between the Manchester clubs to me, with possibly Chelsea added to the mix. And it pains me that once again Unite look to have a bit more than the rest. Liverpool, Arsenal and Spurs (Spurs my pick to finish fourth) will contest the final Champions League spot, with Fulham as my surprise team of the season. To go down? Swansea, Wigan and Blackburn Rovers. I've always had a soft spot for Norwich after the dumped Bayern Munich out of the UEFA cup, back when it was a decent tournament, and think they might just sneak it.

Killer keisters

Ay opp arse fans. I am bang on time for this weeks ode to the ass, and have decided this week is a no filler, just killer Keister week. This means no themes, just pert posteriors and curvy cheeks. Like the perfect example above. And below for that matter.


It's August, and in Yorkshire it's cold and drizzly. Need a pool and some sunshine? How about I throw in a cheeky little minx in her birthday suit? With a lovely curvy derriere? Thought so.....



And because it so miserable out, another one, on the house.....



Which just leaves us with this weeks G.A.S.

Nail Biter

An extremely close game down the Wood on Wednesday night, in a well fought low scorer. There were changes on both sides, Dead Eye was replaced by Salty Scott for the ladies team, and on the mens side, Big JophnnyM and Donatello Joe filled in for Clogs and Shotgun. The game got off to a good start, and after the opening blows had been exchanged, the Righteous had eked out a one goal advantage. At this juncture King Dave went in nets, and the boys in white looked to widen their lead. But instead of his usual clown like antics between the sticks, he repelled shot after shot, as the JMF scored a couple to take a lead into the final ten minutes. But this week it was the Euro boys turn to stage a dramatic comeback, and two cool finishes saw the boys in white home.

Moment of match
An easy choice this week. A pass that just went into the keepers area, as Big JohnnyM met it on the volley, smashing the ball into the goal keepers mush. The fact that the keeper was Jamon sealed it.

JMF- Jamon, Luklear War, Salty, King Dave and The Mercenary

EURO E- Euro Bri, Donatello, The Octopus, Big JohnnyM and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 17

Euro Elite - 12


Draws - 3

Killer Keisters

Once again, I have missed the Friday deadline, but hey, better late than never. So let's get some delectable derrieres lined up. And this week we leave the vanilla stuff behind, and go on a bit of a fetish tip. Handcuffs and PVC anybody?


And for you lovers of Gratuitous Ass Shots and stiletto's? This one is for you.


Butt this one bamboozled even me. A bare ass and pine cones? Live and let live I suppose...

Bantams 1 Shots 2

A bit late with this, but what the fuck, I've been busy. I haven't got a season ticket this year, due to work commitments, but I was able to score a day off for the opening game of the season. A game that filled me with trepidation, as the lads were woeful last year. Yes new faces were in place, and now permanent manager Jacko could claim this to be his team, so no excuses relating to the former man in the hot seat. And my fears proved well founded in the first half. A central defensive pairing of Branston and Bullock looked as slow on grass as it did on paper. The rest of the team were at best lack lustre, and at worse pitiful. Two nil to the visitors, and apart from a goal deep into injury time, they never looked like surrendering the three points. But typical of the Bantams, just as you begin to fear the Conference, they go to Elland Road, and nearly pull off a win against Leeds. The forums will rally the troops, and promotion will be the new watchword, but it will be the home game against Barnet, when I make my prediction for the season. It will be the the fifth game of the campaign, against a side that missed demotion by a whisker. And we never seem to beat them at Valley Parade.

Kev Watch
I am maintaining Kev watch this season, as nobody has replaced cult figure Super Barry Conlon. His excitement soon gave way to despair, and he saved much of his venom for young James Hanson, who to be fair, was pretty hopeless. he was, however, on great form for the rerst of the evening, although he did mucky his ticket by trying to get me to go to Flares, officially the Bradford districts second shittiest night club (after Porkys, or whatever it calls it self these days), which makes it the fourth shittiest club in Europe. Shame on you Spoons! 9/10

Pie Rating
My boycott has been called off (everybody deserves a second chance) but was nearly reinforced, when I was told the only pies they had left till half time were chicken Balti. It's probably my least favourite savoury pastry, but WTF thought I. But the self imposed ban seemed all but assured when i was relieved of £2.90 for my pre match snack. But just as my pocket was about to snap shut for the rest of the season, I tasted it. And it wasn't bad. Not Rochdale great, but not bad. Brother Lobon got a bit carried away and gave it an immediate 9/10, but soon downgraded it, and after it had spent an evening repeating on him, marked as I had thought. A good 6/10, which is pretty fair for a Balti pie. At the end a fair score, and good enough to entice me into sampling a different variety on my next visit

Tardy

That's what this match report is, extremely tardy. Almost a week in fact, but things have been a bit hectic, and it has taken me this long to get over the heartache. Three up with ten minutes to go, and a most heroic victory seemed to there for the Righteous to grasp. But an almighty push from the nefarious ass bandits of the JMF saw them draw level, and then, with time running out, Dead Eye found the top corner to complete the victory. The boys in white recovered from a three goal deficit early on, and then surged ahead, only for the girls in red to wrestle the lead back. This continued to the end, in what was quite a goal bonanza. Still, games like this need to go the way of the Euro, if the large JMF advantage is to be overturned.

Moment of Match
The Octopus has been quiet of late, but two timely chops cut firstly King Dave, and then Dead Eye down to size. But moment of the match has to go to dead Eye's late winner. The toss pot.

JMF- Big JohnnyM, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and The Mercenary

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Octopus, Dr Shotgun and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 17

Euro Elite - 11


Draws - 3