Killer Keisters

Apologies for my tardiness with this weeks round up of Killer Keisters. Been a hectic old weekend I am afraid. This weeks trio of tushy is just a random bunch of fineness. The one above I have chosen for it's most excellent pertness. You could just sink your teeth into those juicy cheeks...... But what have we here? A most succulent rival, indeed. Perhaps not quite as cheeky, but you know you would.....

And what would the week be without a nice wholesome G.A.S.? Disappointing, that's what. So who am I to deny the perusers of my meanderings their weekly pick me up? A nice muscularly toned ass this week, and molto piacevole if you ask me. Mind out you don't piss this type off though. Looks if she clenched hard enough, she could rip it off...

Take it Like a Man

As the story plays out to it's end, I thought it time I commented on the Andy Gray/Richard Keys malarkey. And to to be fair, this post isn't just aimed at them, but everybody who has been caught out doing something they shouldn't, but isn't really all that bad. The one thing I would like to have seen is one, if not both of them, do in this situation is to man up. Fuck the apology. It is as plain as the nose on your face that neither of them think women should be involved in men's professional football. Be honest, were you shocked that Andy Gray thought that women don't understand the off side rule? Was anybody really surprised that he made jokes about a fit bird stuffing his mic down his trousers? Did it bolloxs. And that's what makes the apologies and contriteness so unpalatable. At least to me. Why can't they come out and say, "That's what I think, and if Sky don't like it, they can stick their job up their arse!" I appreciate the amount of money they are on would make one want to try and keep hold of their post, but as soon as the story broke the game was up. You could have bet your house that after they were outed for the female linesman gaffe, that others would follow, and behold, they did. It strikes me that they had worn out their welcome, and Sky saw an opportunity to get rid without coughing up any big severance pay. It happens all the time in every walk of life, and the world of television is no different.

By the way, don't get me wrong here. I don't give a shit who runs the line or ref's at a football match, as long as they know what they are doing. And Andy Gray should really know better than to be lewd to a girl young enough to be his grand daughter. In fact I always thought they were stuck up their own own arses, and that Lineker and Hansen knocked them into a cocked hat. But do we really want the ultra bland Jamie Redknapp to be the face of Live football on Sky?

News Worth Shouting About

Could this be the end for the nefarious Mean Repressive Spouses? (aka the M.R.S.) A judge has ruled in favour of a woman, claiming that shouting and withholding money by her husband is tantamount to domestic violence, and should be upheld as such by the law. The landmark ruling may have gone in favour a female, but the law is blind to gender, and in my experience it is the male half of most relationships that are on the receiving end of vociferous complaints and insults. And as for dishing out the dosh, when was the last time your missus palmed you twenty quid, patted you on the keister and told you to spoil yourself? Exactly. It looks like the majority of our partners are up for doing some serious pokey if you ask me. "But what about prison overcrowding? Where are we going to stick all of the harridans?" I hear you ask. Simple. Release all the rapists. There will be no women for them to prey upon, as to be honest, they will all be doing porridge. I feel a mandatory 10 year sentence, with day release every Thursday afternoon to do our laundry, should teach them the error of their ways. I predict a Golden Age for the Bender Squad may just be over the horizon......


For a full report on the story behind this ruling click here.

4-0 to the Wall

There has only been one constant down the Wood so far this year, the Wall. For those not familiar with the Nab Wood Sports centre, the five a side court has cricket netting at one end, that is tucked away behind the goals. This means that rebounds are at a premium, the ball get caught up in said nets more often that not. this means the far end, which has no such obstacles, is always the preferred choice to shoot at, and is alternated weekly to prevent any claims of bias. This end is known simply as "The Wall" This week it was the turn of the Righteous to have the advantage, and although the cum buckets made us work hard, a five minute spell was enough for us to earn a four goal victory. The reason we were so laboured was probably down to yours truly. i couldn't get my head out of my arse, and was culpable for several JMF scores, in particular the King Dave grubber that I just watched trundle into the back of the net on my keeping watch. Add to my ineptitude Shoutys own goal, and we looked to be struggling, but the MoFo were profligate, and instead of being a few goals down, we were all square. Then came the Madness, as in double quick time, with only ten minutes remaining, the ass fell out of the JMF rearguard. Five quick goals, and the game was up. Luklear War thundered in an absolute peach, but it proved to nothing more than a consolation goal. Four weeks down, and all square. At this rate a 26-26 final tally can not be ruled out.


JMF- Big Phil the Octopus, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, Shouty, Tjhe Mercenary and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 2

Euro Elite - 2


Draws - 0

London Calling

Only 10 days till the first officially sanctioned Bender Squad tour of the year. It is only a wee one, just an over nighter round the the UK capital of Old London Town. Crespo is in the chair for his 30th, and it will be a good old knees up. There are a couple of withdrawals, so if anybody knows someone who is up for it, bring 'em along.

Side Tracked

Now usually, the lack of posting on this here blog can be attributed to one thing. My chronic bone idleness. But this time I can point the blame in another direction. I know it is a little bit sad at my age, but I have been totally side tracked by a video game. Gran Tourismo on the PS3 has completely conquered my spare time over the last few days. The game has been played since Christmas, but over the last week I have hit the critical part of the game. The hard part. Up till now I have just been able to buy the most powerful vehicle and lay waste to the various races and challenges set by the game. But no longer. The races have got longer, as in 20+ laps longer, and the AI has improved along with bhp of the cars I must beat. This means far too much time sat in front of the TV leaning along with every on screen manoeuvre. It is a highly addictive game. But I do have one gripe. It has a whole section, b-spec, that is a simulation. You basically pick a car, create a digital driver, and then tell him to race. You literally command him to go faster, go slower, maintain or overtake. It is akin to spending a couple of hundred quid on a high class hooker, taking her to your mates house, telling him to bone her, whilst you dictate his humping momentum. A most bizarre, and to be honest boring, addition to an otherwise fantastic game. I am aiming to go cold turkey this weekend, but Shouty is thinking of having a GT5 night around his place, so who can tell. he will be in for a proper arse raping if he does. he was boasting about how he could do the Nürburgring Nordschleife in ten and a half minutes in a Lamborghini. I can do it in under 9 minutes 10 seconds in a Lupo. Bring it on Shoutster....

Killer Keisters

Thought this week we might go for some classy high end black and white shots. The one above is very provocative, those hands reaching up that skirt to unleash the pertest of asses. Leaves just the right amount to the imagination, you can literally make up your own mind where this particular situation will end up going. The one below caught my fancy just because it is a bit unusual for Keister pics. The usual prerequisites are present. Fit bird. Check. Tidy backside. Check. Posed in provocative pose. Double check. Shower spray splashing over bum? Interesting.....



This weeks G.A.S. (Gratuitous Ass Shot) provides double trouble, with not one, but two delectable posteriors bared and primed. Brings to mind a row of hard boiled eggs...

Late Rally Not Enough

Once again the evil JMF fielded the same team, whilst the Righteous were forced into two late changes. It showed early on, and while the lads in white were finding their feet, the rent boy chasers steamed into a comfortable lead. Some sloppy keeping was responsible, but in the main, it was due to the lack of shape, and understanding between the Euro boys. Crespo got his strop on, and Clogs was a bit off colour, suffering a slight back strain, which combined with Jamons blatant cheating, meant an easy victory for the arse cracks seemed assured. But we continued to persevere, and slowly chipped away at not only the JMF lead, but also at their fragile temperament. Of course we tried to fan the flames of discontent, and it looked to have worked, as the scoreline was cut to just a two goal deficit. But a chance to turn the screw was spurned, and two quick fire scores from Dead Eye and king Dave calmed the nerves. We did pull one back in the dying seconds, but to honest, they spunk lovers were well worth their win. Curse those rent boy chasers!!!


JMF- Dr Shotgun, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, Big JohnnyM, Big Phil the Octopus and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 2

Euro Elite - 1


Draws - 0

Another Heavyweight Enters the Fray

It had to happen sooner or later. Yet another Heavyweight Buffoon has logged his first score of the season. Former winner Shouty was racjed up a cool three pointer for his exploits on Friday night/Saturday morning. He came with Chubs to the Fighting Cock for a few alse, hooking up with myself and the Elster. Of course he couldn't help but swig several of the premium lagers on offer, and he carried on his mission up in Clayton, before heading into town for a few late night drinks. He got split up from Chubs, and decided to make his way home, to Denholme, which is several miles from anywhere. The taxi dropped him off, and he strolled to the front door, only to remeber he had left his keys in the glove compartment of Marks car. Which was parked outside the Fighting Cock. What a muppet......

2011 standings

1. Dessi 20 points
2. Euro Bri 15 points
3. Trigger 7 points
   
4. G Spot 7 points
5. Crespo 4 points
6. Gruber 4 points
   
7. JohhnyM 3 points
8. Shouty 3 points
   
9. Geester 3 points
10. John the Don 1 point
    
11. Child Catcher 1 point
12. Il Fromaggio Grande 1 point
13. Tony Helmet 1 point

Killer Keisters

This week we delve into the world of sport. And whoever thought up this fine activity must have had Keister on the mind. Beach Volleyballs only purpose, as far as I can tell, is to have young, lithe, sun kissed honeys dress up in the skimpiest of bikini bottoms and roll around in sand. It is now officially my favourite Olympic event, and I shall be applying for tickets for the 2012 games in London. Not known for being the sunniest of climes, I shall be fore going any support for the United Kingdom team, and will be re pledging my allegiance to the American cause, as to be brutally honest they are just plain fitter. Hope they bring their cheerleaders (see below), or my head could be turned by the Brazilian pairing. Of course this sport only works if women are playing it. Dudes in Speedos patting each other on the bum is wrong on just about every level you care to mention.

Staying with the sunny beach theme (something to keep you warm in deepest winter) is this weeks "Gratuitous Ass Shot" A fine speciman lightlty dusted in sand, wearing the briefest of thongs. Is it me, or did it just get hot in here???

Bobby Dazzlers

Queen Jamon had been busy over the weekend. At a car boot sale he picked up some cheap Bradford city training tops for the his lads, and instead of red, they all now sport a rather fetching black strip. As if by fate, a black bat started to fly around the pitch, and Jamon was quick to claim it as a team mascot, which I found quite apt, as they are a bunch of batty boys. that is the fourth time I have used that joke, and the MoFo were not overly amused by it, least of all bug Jamon, which made it all the funnier to me.

But enough about MoFo's shiny new outfits. Did they spur them onto glory?? No they did not, as they did their best to emulate the real life Bantams. They started off slowly, and bar a couple of scoring bursts that brought them within a brace, it was all Euro way traffic. In fact the game was an almost mirror image of last weeks game, when the Righteous never really got of second gear. The only difference being that when we play shit we just shrug our shoulders and take it on the chin. The JMF all have a hissy fit with each other and flounce off the court like a bunch of highly strung drag Queens. The most remarkable incident of the game was King Dave saving a shot on goal. WITH HIS HANDS!! Thought he only used them shovels for handing off rent boys, but there you go.....

All square in the early skirmishes, and as yet no pattern of how the year will pan out.


JMF- Dr Shotgun, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Mercenary, Shouty and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 1

Euro Elite - 1


Draws - 0

Bantams 1 Barnet 3

What an odd afternoon. A deadly dull first half was on the brink of sending the crowd into a coma, when deep into extra time the Barnet 'keeper makes a colossal fuck up, and our skyscraper centre half Oliver nodded into an open goal. A slice of luck indeed, which finally appeared to have roused the lads in Claret and Amber, who set off at a fair old lick as the second half got under way. The visitors looked like a team stranded at the bottom the league, and after hitting the goal frame twice, it seemed the floodgates were due to open any moment. And they did. Just not at the end you'd have thought. Firstly Kiernan headed deftly past his own keeper to provide an unlikely equaliser. There was nobody near him, and the cynic in me wondered if he'd had a punt on himself to score an og. But worse was to follow. Uddin and Holmes rattled in a score a piece, and within five minutes our dominance was left in tatters. For the remainder of the game their was plenty of huff and puff, but little inventiveness, although a slick move nearly provided Hanson with a goal. So our mini revival has been halted, although I still think we played all right. Kev and the Apostles were of a different opinion, which is understandable, watching what looked to be a sure fire three points slide down the pan yet again.

But Crespo did make one valid point. Where the chuff are the goals going to come from? Hanson is firing blanks at home, and Evans has never been the answer. Daley has his moments, but can he find any consistency? Price has gone back to Carlisle, and his replacement loanee from Hull looks lively. Cullen could be one too watch, he looked lively after coming off the bench, but we only have him for a month. My feeling is that our season could well be defined over the next 22 days, during which we play seven games. Our keeper looks a little dodgy, our centre halves sluggish and goals are thin on the ground. But I still think if we can win four of these matches, that we will be well placed for an good run at the playoffs. Automatic promotion? Can't see it I am afraid....

Kev Watch- There was some good news. Kevins vagina was fully healed, and he was fit and ready for the game. He was a bit menstrual throughout the game, but considering his current predicament, we will forgive him. He also kindly gave me a lift to the pub afterwards. I do wish he would cheer u[p though. That frown line is getting deep. 7/10




Pie Rating- Hunger got the better of me, so the boycott was temporarily lifted for an afternoon. The sausage roll wasn't bad, till they rinsed £2.40 out of you for the privilege. Could have got four for that price at Gregg's and they are much nicer. Sanctions are once again back in force. 2/10

Le Grand Buffoon 2011

I can't believe myself. Woke up, got dressed, and was readying oneself for work. I switched on my work device, and no work. After a few more enquiries I discovered that it was my day off! Luckily I hadn't gone the whole hog and actually gone in, but it is worthy of a couple of points. Helmet also makes his debut for a similar crime, getting his dates wrong, and having to go into work New Years day. Not quite as bad, but worth a score all the same. Also there is a final upgrade for Dessi's exploits abroad. All agree, under the current scoring system, it should be a 20, and that is the final call on that episode.

2011 standings

1. Dessi 20 points
2. Euro Bri 15 points
3. Trigger 7 points
   
4. G Spot 7 points
5. Crespo 4 points
6. Gruber 4 points
   
7. JohhnyM 3 points
   
8. Geester 3 points
9. John the Don 1 point
   
10. Child Catcher 1 point
11. Il Fromaggio Grande 1 point
12. Tony Helmet 1 point
    

Killer Keisters

A few weeks back I decided to up the ass action to three instead of the one shot. And judging by the traffic that is going through this blog, it was a great success. But this meant just about the finest of fine keisters was only given a solitary entry. that's why this week I have decided to return to the mighty fine Stacy Keibler. Truly an arse of such magnificence deserves an encore? Your damn right it does, so here are a couple of pics of the former wrestler.

This weeks gratuitous ass picture is a fine posterior clad in crisp white panties. A classic, I am sure you will agree. Very nice indeed.....

First Blood

It's been a while since I posted anything about the weekly tussle down The Wood, but as the title was wrapped up so soon it seemed a bit pointless. Not because the games didn't matter, but the teams were different every week, and there were a few cancellations.

But that was 2010, and now is 2011. That means everything is to play for, as the scores on the doors return to 0-0. Till earlier tonight. For the first time in ages, the JMF had their standard side out, and it was the Righteous Euro boys who were left fielding two subs. From the off, it was pretty much one way traffic. The Christmas season seemed to have been most abused by the Euro boys, and the nefarious MoFo ran riot. Dead Eye picked his spot on several occasions, and Luklear, Jamon and the good Dr Shotgun provided ample running. King Dave was the big surprise though, having missed much of 2010 with injury, he looked to be back to his best, scoring some fine goals, and tracking back to break up any opposition threat. His goal keeping was still shit mind. The boys in white endeavoured to make a game of it, and to our credit we kept going, turning a possible massacre into a plain old beating. Not to worry though, as the opening skirmishes of the season are never a good indicator of how the rest of the year will pan out. First blood to the gay lords...


JMF- Dr Shotgun, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Mercenary, Big Phil the Octopus and Big JohnnyM

2011 Season

JMF wins - 1

Euro Elite - 0


Draws - 0

2011 Preview

A new year is laid out before us, and for once, plans are thin on the ground. Redundancies, babies (arrived and expected) and even abstinence are among the many reasons the Bender Squad may have a fallow 12 months ahead. But we still have stuff planned, and the first sojourn is only a few weeks away. A flyer down to London on the 5/2/2011 will be before you know it. We have a pretty solid team set up to travel, so Crespo's 30th should be a good one. For those of you who are up for a German jaunt, there is the Berlin trip on the 29th of April. At the moment there is four or five of us hooking up with the Major, to watch 1860 take on Hertha, although we can always accommodate a few more. After that........nothing. The Boy Dazzler turns 40, but I haven't heard hide nor hair from him in ages. There will be a couple of head wettings, M.R.S. permitting, but that is it. Provisionally, I am planning a trip to the Brussels beer festival in early September. There is some interest, but at the moment it is a case of wait and see. Of course a Lottery win could change all of that, but I don't like our odds. Other possibles also rely on events beyond our control. An example is the Bantams getting to the play off finals. Saying that, Morecombe away, on the 12th of march could be worth an over nighter. That said, circumstances could change in our favour, so watch this space....

Bantams 1 Shakers 0

A very odd day in the world of Bantamdom. First up, the biggest City stalwart among us, Crespo, cried off today's game at the last minute. Said he wasn't feeling well. Something to do with a broken hymen. So I got his ticket and took the Elster instead. (He looked fine when i picked it up) Now I appreciate this goes against almost all I preach concerning football, but I didn't want to end up there all alone, with a squawking Ikester. As it turned out, the apostles were there, but neither fromaggio or Mickey D where, so she came in handy keeping the lad Ike occupied. anyway, on to the game. It was a cracker. End to end, feisty and the lads gave a good account of themselves, against one of the divisions top teams. Omar Daley scored a great volley, and if Evans and Syers would have been more clinical, it could have been a comfortable win. But if we are going to get out of this league, we really need to be taking these chances. Syers was excellent throughout, but his point blank miss was spectacular. As for Evans, what do you expect. I am amazed that a lad who was on Manchester Uniteds books can be so poor technically. He can run, granted, and does give his all, but there is no real quality there, even for this level. but a good win, and we left in high spirits, only to find out that Peter Taylor is thinking over an offer to become a coach at Newcastle.

Typical. We finally string a few results together, get our selves up to tenth, and three points off the play offs, and our manager does one. At the moment it is still at the discussion stage between the concerned parties, but let's face it, a chance to work at a Premier League club, or toil in the bottom division, on a short term contract to boot. Add to this several loan players whose tenure is up, and it looks like we could be falling back into chaos. On the bright side, he is under contract, so we should get some form of compensation. Hendrie was a big earner, as was Zesh, so some funds have been freed up. And our next game is a home fixture against the bottom of the league, Barnet. I remain ever the optimist, as long as we don't get Peter Jackson as our next leader...

Elster Watch- Seeing as Crespo was at home nursing a poorly vagina, I had to rely on a different companion for the game. This one was far cuter, knew more about football and had a nicer ass. Sure, I bent one of the golden rules, taking my wife with me, but my options were limited. As it turned out, she came in very handy. It was freakin' cold, and after about ten minutes young Ike was in full moan. She handled the crisis superbly, and we managed to watch the game through to the final minutes. The fact that she dictates whether i get my end away has nothing to do with the full marks of 10/10

Pie Rating- It may be a new year, but my boycott of the Bradford city pie stand remains.

Festive Finale

Well a hectic holiday period is at an end. As usual it provided plenty of Buffoonery, more than usual in fact, which considering the lack of nights out was a surprise. There is a new scorer, as Il Formaggio Grande makes his first faux pas of the year, asking if his router is compatible with his service provider, even though they gave him it. He has, however hinted at something that could be jersey worthy, but for the time being remains under wraps. There was also an agreed upgrade for Dessi, whose exploits in Pakistan are worthy of another 5 points, taking him past my good self, and into the lead. It will more than likely be the last score for a few weeks, as after the Noel everybody tends to stay in as they are skint. There is a Bender round London town on the horizon though, which if previous outings are anything to go by, will see plenty of movement on the leader board.

2011 standings

1. Dessi 15 points
2. Euro Bri 13 points
3. Trigger 7 points
   
4. G Spot 7 points
5. Crespo 4 points
6. Gruber 4 points
   
7. JohhnyM 3 points
   
8. Geester 3 points
9. John the Don 1 point
   
10. Child Catcher 1 point
11. Il Fromaggio Grande 1 point