Battle of the Brews...Yankee Beers

This week, after our sojourn through Mexico, we swim north across the Rio Grande, to the nation of my birth, the mighty U.S of A. Although this country is home to the best selling beer in the world, and has countless brews to choose from, it's brands have a poor reputation. I am sure you have all heard the joke "What does a boat and American beer have in common? They are both close to water." I do not subscribe to this school of thought, although I can understand why it has come to pass. For some reason all the chubsters in the States believe if they guzzle the "Lite" varieties on offer they will not gain weight. Bad news my American brothers, if you continue to guzzle burgers the size of small children, and refuse to exercise it won't make a blind bit of difference. All it means is that you take the mighty taste of beer and rob it of it's testicles. Drinking Lite beer is akin to drinking foul tasting water. For this reason, when possible I shall only revue the varieties that are widely available in the UK.

Budweiser
Apparently the most popular beer, by sales in the world, and without a shadow of doubt the best known Yankee brand name. But it is a name that is disputed by the town of Buweiss, which has brewed beer under the Budweiser name for centuries. This means in some countries it is simply known as Bud. Anyway, enough of the history lesson, and down to the essentials. Our good friends at Anheuser-Busch have been the leaders in multiple branding of it is beers, offering, lite, dry, ice, select, lime, silver and God knows what else besides. But here's a tip. Fuck 'em all and stick to the original. It doesn't have a whole lot of taste, but compared to the rest it is a riot of flavour. Most folk seem to like it out of a bottle, but again I ain't no fan. If you want to sample this stuff at it's optimum, you need a red hot summers day, and a place that sells it ice cold on draught. Try it, you might like it. Oh yeah, ABV 5% in the UK.

Coors Lite
The Silver Bullet, as it's known stateside. The latest brand to try and impose the "Lite" style of American beer this side of the pond. For those of you not familiar with what a Lite beer, is let me enlighten you. It is not, as is often perceived, a low alcohol beer. No, it is the equivalent of diet coke. It is a beverage, that has all the natural ingredients that boost it's calorie content removed, and replaced with nasty man made chemicals that make your knob shrivel. (I made the knob shrivelling bit up) Of course all the lovely natural ingredients that give beer it's lovely all natural taste, when removed, rob it of it's lovely all natural taste. Now most Europeans are wise to this, and all attempts to successfully market it have failed. But Coors have been clever this time around. They serve the beer at a temperature of -2 degrees, and lower. When you drink something this cold, it tastes of nothing. Serve piss at this temperature and it will pretty much taste the same. Try it. And another thing. It gives you the shits big time. Awful. I would usually give the ABV around now, but I don't really give a shit what it is. If you drink this, you must have had your tongue cut out.

Rolling Rock
Formerly brewed by LaTrobe in Pennsylvannia, it has since been swallowed by the corporate Goliath Anheuser-Busch, which in turn was taken over by InBev, makers of Stella Artois, amongst others. It was popular on these shores a few years ago off the back of a clever advertising campaign, but is harder to find these days, particularly in pubs. Which is odd, as this pale lager actually has a bit of taste to it. Like all US beers it needs serving ice cold, but not stupid cold like Coors. A drink you would not add to your all time list of favourites, but when I am in America, particularly in the Mid West where choice can be thin on the ground, this is the brew I choose every time. Excellent on a hot day. ABV 4.6%

Miller
One of the big three American brewers, it was launched here originally in the Lite version, but swiftly re branded as just Miller, when people took it be a low alcohol content brew. Of course that didn't make a whole lot of difference, as it was pretty thin tasting stuff. An advertising campaign that relaunched the Hollies hit "He ain't heavy...he's my brother" to the number spot wasn't even enough to save this drink, and it can pretty much only be found in the bargain section of Morrisons under the Miller Genuine Draught (MGD) moniker. Best place for it, if you ask me.