Who Really Cares?

Just got in from work, and before I get ready to go down the George for a few sherberts, I had to stick my oar in over this Princess Di nonsense. All day on the radio, I have had to listen about poor old Diana. Poor my arse! Not bad for stupid blonde bint say I. Mediocre looks and thick as pig shit, married some in bred German geezer, lives the life of Reilly, at our expense, divorces aforementioned weirdo, gets load of Wonga, sleeps around the Mediterranean with medallion sporting playboys, waffles on about land mines, dies in car crash. Not bad for someone who would struggle to get hired by MaccyD's. Peoples Princess my pucker hole!!! I'm off to the pub.

Who Thinks this Shit Up?

I haven't had a pop at the powers that be for a while now, I didn't want seem like a whiny MoFo, but the latest plan to scare folk into giving up smoking had to be commented on. I am a reformed smoker, but believe if you want to smoke, what the fuck it's a free country(!). Now that they are making all the poor smokers stand outside to smoke, they are going to decorate packets with images of diseased lungs and the like. Woopty fucking do! We have grown up with computer generated graphics in movies that are twice as gross, and have also muffed a bird or two, so after facing down the old tuna taco, pictures of a cancerous lung are hardly llikely to give us the heeby geebies. The police are also getting their knickers in twist over some biker going 170 m.p.h. down a Yorkshire road, and then posting it on some website. So what, the dickhead crashes and leaves his brains all over the road, big deal. His choice. Apparently the federales also think increasing the alcohol legal age to 21 will stop under age drinking. NEWS FLASH! Enforcing the current laws will work equally as well you lobotomised window lickers. I tell ya, if I wasn't such a lazy arsehole I would form my own political party and sort all this shit right out. But I am a lazy arse, so it ain't going to happen. But I do have an interesting idea. Apparently only around 40% of the population vote in a general election. So if the 60% who don't usually turn up to mark a ballot did, and voted for the Monster Raving Loony Party, what would all the knobheads in the Labour and Tory party do?

Helmets 40th Update

A confirmation of dates. Tony H's birthday is on the first of February, which also happens to be a Friday. it is also Crespos birthday that week, so double celebrations all round. Card schools on the train up, and whiskey and heavy on arrival. There is an Ibis downtown that is cheap, and also a Premier Travel lodge in the Grassmarket area, where there is plenty of bars. Both are of the economy variety. Anybody up for it let me know, it is a definite goer, we have enough numbers to make it fly. On a secondary note, in a drunken stupor, i told evil Mean Repressive Spouse member Helen that I would organise a couples peace summit next year. My original suggestion was the Scottish capitol, so when she overheard our plans for Helmets shindig she was less than impressed. So in the interests of not getting kicked in goolies, I an going to organise a Irish trip later in 2008. The Elster is up for it, and again, anybody else who is interested let me know. The plan is either Dublin or Cork.

King Dave Rallies JMF to Earn Draw

What a strange game game football can be. The Elite dominated for the first three quarters of the game, seemingly coasting to victory, when all of a sudden a King Dave inspired JMF suddenly sprang to life and not only drew level, but came within a whisker of ending their winless sequence. The opening fifteen minutes was all Young Gaz, scoring seemingly at will, as he threatened to defeat the MoFo single handily. Yes they came back a couple of times to be within a goal, but all night we seemed to have the wherewithal to conjure up goals whenever needed. The profligate shooting of the JMF, in particular Two Scoops and hatchet man Jamon, combined with the usual slipshod defending and inept keeping (the Mercenary was yet again beaten by YounGaz's spinning screw back shot), was in stark contrast the excellent movement shown by G and Alfie, the tenacity of the Shoutster, and the covering in defence of JonnyM and Euro. But the game turned on a own goal conceded by Mr Media when a rebound bounced off the wall and went in off his arse. This gave the cock suckers hope, which to be fair they tunerd into goals, scoring three in quick succession to earn the draw. On the down side for the Elite, Young Gaz may be missing with an injury, sustained when the hooligan that is Jamon took him out from behind. This will only strengthen our resolve to vanquish the boy lovers of the JMF.

Line-ups;

JMF- Two Scoops, Funky Pedestrian, Jamon, Mercenary and King Dave

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Shouty, Euro Bri, Shotgun and Young Gaz

2007 Season

• JMF wins -15


• Euro Elite - 16


• Draws - 3

Great Bender Towns

The problem with getting older is that a lot of your old watering holes cease to exist, a thread I will be running at a later date. So I am expanding the Great Bender Bars postings to include towns and cities that are prime sites for partaking in the gentlemanly and honourable pursuit of the Bender.

The inaugural choice was an easy one to make, a place tailor made for buffoonery and high jinks, Amshterdam, you crazshy English Mother Fuckershhs. Compact, seedy, an hours plane journey away and the locals all speak the Anglais in that cool "Lets deliver shome beershhs" accent. Hotel of choice is the Prins Hendrik, close to the station and the red light, and for Shouty, located close to the Cock Ring. Primo bars in the window district are The Ship, which satisfies our pirate roots, Durty Nellies, an Irish bar that does cheap accommodation, Guinness and is home of Jerry, who once saved me the ginga ninga, Sandro, the bonester and Dutch from freezing our bollox off. The Hill Street Blues is a good spot for drinkers and smokers, the Grasshopper is only worth visiting if you are a smoker. Only Shouty has been brave enough to sample the cock ring, so you'll have to ask him what its all about. Sadly the legendary Teasers was shut down last time I was there, the Tequila Slammers will be sorely missed. But the must visit drinking hole for a gang of greased up geezers is without a doubt the legendary BannaBar. At first the 50 euro entrance charge seems steep, but all drinks are included for the first hour, to get your moneys worth go for the shorts. DO NOT GO OVER YOUR HOUR. It gets expensive in a hurry, and the bouncers are the largest MoFo's this side of King Kong. Inside the floor show is what makes it, I will not go into too much detail, but be wary of flying dildo's. The girl who sign a card with her putang is priceless, but alas no longer free. This is the night club where a flying Shoutster dive bombed a passing dingy in the canal outside. Of course there are some unsavoury characters about, Tommo, Mad Ad and Shoutys dad have been pick pocketed. Shouty and jamon paid 50 euros for some grad A talcum powder, and even I have purchased crushed aspirins in the belief it was something else. At least I didn't have a headache all weekend. The mighty Gster was mugged. The peep show is a laugh, but the wank booths are far too comfy, a fact I can testify to after falling asleep in one, mid stroke.

Of course there is more to the city of canals, the other bender spots are around the Leidseplein and Rembratsplein. The latter is the location of Escape, one of the towns best clubs. it is where Shouty broke up the local break dance crew to show them how it was done, and where King Dave had to run for his life after managing to upset the local chapter of the Crips. The Leidseplien has the less flashy Milky Weg, which has a less stringent door policy and is a useful back up to Escape, although the music is eccentric to say the least. The square itself is not unlike Leicester Square in London, and features Amsterdams first hash cafe the Bulldog, which has a nice bar upstairs for watching the weirdos go by. Across the square is a bar that does frozen cocktails, i.e. Margarihtas, that could fell an elephant. If steak is your meat of choice the Argentine restaurants are the place for you. Not to far away is the perfect hangover spot and well known tourist trap, the Heineken Experience. it is cheap enough to enter, and you get three free beers, although there always seems to be spare tokens floating around to get more in. Nearby are numerous little local bars, which are a damn sight cheaper than around the red light district, and all seem to be staffed by sexshy local birds, particularly the one on the corner opposite the Experience. It was here the boy asked for a small beer, and the serving wench called him a pusshy.

I could continue to report on numerous other tales of buffoonery and mirth, but fear that in doing so I would breach our sacred motto,"Quod inter amicos accidit, inter amicos manet"
All in all a strong argument could be made for Amsterdam to be awarded the Bender Capital of the World, but I feel there are many strong contenders to the title, some which have been visited, and many that have not. Long may the search continue.

A Close McShave

Yarrggh, me squid sniffin' ne'er do wells, last week be a close shave for me McBooty, as one of ye gherkin dodgers guessed correctly that I be frying me frenchies at McSkipton, gateway to the Yorkshire dales and cursed by the Curly Pube. But there be only two rule to be followin' when playing McOdyssey, and one of 'em be that no prize can be awarded to to an anonymous entry, so me treasure be safe for another weekend. That be meanin' there be seven doubloons up for grabs, for this weeks devilish poser;

"Whhhhhere be MMMMceuro??"

P.S. I be sorry for the McEuro provided this week, but I be running low on photos.

Helmets 40th

It is now 31 days until we take off for Munich, but I am not alone in hitting the forty mark in the next twelve months. The King of the Pixies is shortly after myself, and early next year see's Tony Helmet and Two Scoops has the same milestone. Of this bunch I have only really discussed any plans with Tony H, and we are both agreed that Edinburgh is both affordable and worthy of such a momentous occasion. Crespo, The Boy, Mossy, King Dave, Dangerous and Shouty are up for it, but as always, the more the merrier. The plan is set off Friday morning, have two night north of the border, and set off back Sunday lunch time, travelling up by train. We will see if we can get in a cheapo Travel Inn. I have forgotten the exact dates, but it is early February. Och Aye.

It Finally Happened, We Witnessed a Bantams Victory

I still can not quite believe it, but after two years I was finally there in person to see the mighty bantams pull off a victory. as usual it was not plain sailing, a bright start made way to dull mediocrity in the first half, one city effort being pushed on to the crossbar, and Evans making the Wrexham goalie earn his keep. Stand out again was big Dave N'Bungo, Omar Daly was sprightly down the flanks, and Paul Evans was solid in the centre of midfield, but we were sorely in need of a goal. Big Baz Conlon faded badly, but not long into the second half a goal scramble saw the ball break to Johnson who rifled the ball home from distance. All seemed gravy, but this is city, and they could have been two down before the sheep shaggers hit the inevitable equaliser. The game became scrappy and looked to be heading for stalemate when an inspired substitution earned the Bantams all three points. The little heralded Luke Medley came on for Big Baz, and with nearly eighty minutes played scored a goal for the ages from wide out left, a score worthy of settling any contest. It was off to the Beehive for a few Erdingers to celebrate, although the Elster came and wrestled me into the vehicle at around half seven. The boy was last seen entering the Travellers at Duckworth Lane, so god knows hour he got home, and Mossy wobbled off to his flat at Listers. This posting would have been on earlier, but I was a Godfather at a Christening yesterday, so was again asleep on the sofa for ten o'clock. That afternoon drinking sneaks up on you when you stop. Got drunk in the Dog and Gun at Oxenhope, £2.80!! for a pint of Carlsberg, so I left the Starpromen alone. The weather geezer from Look North was in there. He's a bit of a short arse.

JMF Limp Wrists Surrender Lead

It has been a long hard slog. At times we have peered into the abyss and questioned whether our valiant efforts to vanquish evil would be dashed on the wrinkly nads of the cock sucker JMF. But last night a ray of bright shiny light pierced the dark clouds that have hung over the righteous Elite, as we fought back from a four goal deficit to to prevail by two, and in the process wrestling the lead back from the shirtlifter MoFo. It was an eventful game, and apart from the cheating skulduggery perpetuated by the nefarious Jamon, probably the fairest clash of the season. The game was a high scorer, goal keeping skill being in short supply from both sides, as Slippery T Bacon made an unexpected return to haunt Jamon, the Funky P, Dead Eye, JohnnyM and Luklear war all in turn. Although King Dave, Young Gaz and the Mercenary didn't let the ball pass between their legs, thier display between the posts was none the more edifying. This does not mean that there was not some good goals, King Dave surprised everybody, none more so than himself, when he swivelled through 360 degrees, flicked the ball up up with his left foot and volleyed with his right in mid turn. Surprisingly instead of landing flat on his face with the ball lodged in the roof, it hit the back of the net to give the MoFo an early advantage. At the halfway point this lead was stretched to four goals, and it seemed the JMF were in command, but the Euro boys stuck to the task, and with five minutes left on the clock drew level. A quick break lead to Young Gaz scoring the go ahead a goal, but there still was time for the game to swing in either direction. A moment of inspiration was required to settle the match, and it was Young G who rose to the occasion, stealing the ball on the edge of his own area then skinning both Jamon and Luklear to open enough space for him to curl an exquisite shot past a flat footed Funky. A goal worthy of winning any contest. That means nine out of the last ten games have gone the way of the righteous, and complacency seems to be our biggest worry. That said it is a funny old game, and there is plenty of time for the pendulum to swing again. I swear I saw Funky and Jamon shedding tears at the end. YOOUUUU SHUUUTTT UPPPPP!!!!

Line-ups;

JMF- Dead Eye, Funky Pedestrian, Jamon, Luklear and King Dave

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Shouty, Euro Bri, Mercenary and Youg Gaz

2007 Season

• JMF wins -15


• Euro Elite - 16


• Draws - 2

Six Squid be up for Grabs

Yarrghhh!! Now then ye fish headed y front wearing sausage jokeys, none of ye could yet a gain be figurin' whenst I be clogging me arteries. I was preparing to set sail for some fillet of fishies in McGrimsby, Lincolnshire. I noticed there's been a lot of guessin' now me treasure is worth winnin', and this week the doubloon toal has reached six, if ye can be guessin'

"WWWWhere be MMMMcEuuuro??"

You Really Shoulda Gone Home

As a counterpoint to the recent "Great Bender Bars" thread that I have been running, this week I would like to introduce the "You Really Shoulda Gone Home" posts. This topic is dedicated to the bars, clubs and houses you only end up in when properly wankered, and end up the next morning skint, in jail or bruised and battered. The place that, even as you are paying to enter, a little voice in the back of your bonce cries "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!". My inaugural selection is one of the smallest, dingiest dung holes on the face of the planet. It has had several incarnations down the years, but is known to all and sundry as simply Porkys, just off the main street in Bingley, and once voted seventh worst nightclub in England. If you manage to circumnavigate the perpetually miserable bouncers, of which there seems to be a never ending supply, you will find yourself in a cellar that has been painted blck, with a purple fluorescent or two illuminating a ten foot square dance floor. Surly punks are the main clientele, the numerous occasions I and other members of the Squad have had to scrap our way out tells a tale on it's own. My most recent ejection was when a light fitting landed on my head. The best ever throw out and subsequent ban though belongs to Mallcy, who was caught red handed letting half of Bingley in through the fire exit. The place has never been so busy. So remember the next time you are in Bingley and find yourself being drawn towards this shithole, stop. If the Porky's experience is what you are after, go home, climb into your wardrobe with a ghetto blaster on full belt and wait for your missus to come and turf you out. Bingo! Porkys on the cheap!

Another Liquid Weekend

Apologies for the lack of activity this weekend, but it was another hectic one. Managed to take it pretty steady on Friday down the George, limited ones self to a swift five I did. Was nicely refreshed for Saturday, when I took up an invite to go to the dogs. Racing that is. It was a pretty cool evening, wangled an invite to the executive boxes, with free grub and three pints on the house down at Hillsborough in Sheffield. Won Jack shit, but would do it again. Massive traffic jam on way home took the shine off, but manged to grab a quick kip before heading to a Christening near Brighouse. Managed to stay awake through the church bit, just, then alighted to the Dusty Miller over the road. The rest you can pretty much guess, but I did make a pleasant discovery. Because the Elster was also in the same building as me, I had to lay off the heavy stuff, so I decided to try Peeterman Artios, also known as wife beater light. I feared some wishy washy weak ass shit, but after plowing through a gallon of the stuff I admit to being nicely greased. Of course this meant I was asleep on the sofa for eight o'clock, but hey I am approaching middle age. My training for Munich is progressing beautifully now, this weekend coming see's the Mighty Bantams at home, and believe it or not, somebody has asked me to be a Godfather! Beers ahoy!

Hong Kong Lobon

The Lobmeister has finally found somewhere with more Chin's than him. See if you can download some photos and send them on, and don't forget to try the Wan Kin Soup at the Fook Yu Inn.

All Square in August

The heroic fight back against the forces of queer continues unabated, as the righteous Euro Elite achieved parity last night down the Wood. After enduring months of catty insults, we have pegged back the gaylord MoFo, securing a late three goal victory. The start was tight, until in the space of seconds a couple of bonehead plays by Euro Bri gifted the Funky Pedestrian two of the softest goals you are ever likely to witness. This gave the nefarious JMF a glimmer of hope, and they dug deep to carve a two goal advantage that they held doggedly onto. This seemed to upset the rhythm of the Euro boys, but defending for such long periods of time, whithout lengthening their advantage, was always going to tell, when King Dave gave away a needless penalty. This resulted a goal burst from first Two Scoops, and then Young Gaz that finally broke the admittedly brave MoFo resistance. Lacking the goal threat of Dead Eye, and the wind uppery of Jamon, it was a valiant effort, but fuck 'em, it's now game on. After winning four on the bounce, momentum has definitely changed, next week could see the Elite back in the driving seat for the first time since late December 2006's late capitulation.

Line-ups;

JMF- Lefty, Funky Pedestrian, Mercenary, Luklear and King Dave

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Shouty, Euro Bri, Two Scoops and Youg Gaz

2007 Season

• JMF wins -15


• Euro Elite - 15


• Draws - 2

A Fistful of Doubloons

Yarrgh, it be McEuro time again, and none of ye shrimp smoochers be gettin' where I was feasting me McLust. I had pitched me spot in McGateshead, near the Angel of the North. This be meanin' you can be winin' a deep sea diver this week if any of ye can work out;

"Where be MMMMcEEEEuro??"

Bantams Draw Opener

The weather was grand, although we were all carrying slight hangovers, we met up with old bender squadees Aki, Volcano Paul and Bakes to take in the season opener. A healthy crowd was on hand, and we were all up for it when City let a regulation soft goal inside 10 minutes. They manged to shake off this early gaffe and were looking lively and pacy, a statement that could not be levelled at last seasons ponderous attacking play. Daly and Williams caught the eye, and big Baz Conlon holds the ball well, and has the proverbial good feet for a big man, but on this evidence couldn't shoot his way out of a wet paper bag. It was the youngster Rhodes who impressed the most during the first half, looking dangerous down the flanks and changing sides well with Daly. Typically for myself, I was stood drinking a £2.70 bottle of warm Carlsberg on the concourse when the penalty was awarded just before half time. I haven't seen City score in my last 8 visits to see them play, and had to watch hot-shot Conlon grub a weak penalty that thankfully the African geezer was on hand to slot home on the rebound on CCTV. This fella is in serious need of a nickname, but he was another who made a useful debut. The second half was entertaining enough, Conlon scuffed a couple more half chances, but then with a Brazilian like piece of skill, put Daly through one on one with the keeper, but he could only hit the post. Rhodes ran himself into the ground and was replaced by Colbeck, who really needs to stop trying so hard. Everybody likes a bit a commitment, but we'd prefer a decent cross now and again. The biggest surprise of the day for me however was seeing two attractive young ladies in Valley Parade, one of whom Aki reckoned is in Hollyoaks (he claims his bird makes him watch it). Must have heard I was showing up. Pre match, myself, Crespo and the Boy headed into town (the Shoutster was under orders), to enjoy a European like early evening down Centenary Square, where we were later joined by Aki and the Volcano, and various members of their travelling entourage. After quaffing perhaps one to many Heineken's, we left Aki and the lads to take off with Crespo's evil M.R.S. Helen to an eighteenth. The evening ended up with me doing my oldest swinger in town act down at the Mill night club on Preston Street. Thankfully after a devastating display of old man dancing to Stevie Wonders "Superstition" I was knackered and ready for a taxi, landing home around 2AM. The boy was last seen throwing down his meanest moves to some old school northern soul. Which is why this posting is a little bit late, as I didn't surface till the PM yesterday, and spent the rest of the day getting intimate with my sofa, only getting up to go buy the last Sunday newspaper left in the local shop, The Observer, which had a story about the Mighty Bantams game featuring this photo, showing the three amigos greeting the team as they emerged prior to kick off. Can you spot the Wilsdener? If you want read the article that went with it click here. The photo is a scan from the newspaper, as there was no picture available online, so apologies for the quality. Roll on Wrexham in two weeks time.

New Footie Season Starts Today

The 2007/08 season starts today, and myself and a bunch of bender squad ne'er do wells are off to watch the mighty Bantams lock horns with Macclesfield Town. Beers will be drunk and pies eaten, as City kick off their campaign. I have good vibes for this season, nothing less than a play off is my prediction. Automatic promotion would be nice, but a trip down Wembley Way would be something special. I figure the main rivals for success this year will be the MK Dons, Lincoln and Chesterfield. If however it all goes tit's up, there is always the circus down the way at Elland Road to keep us amused. At their current rate they should be lining up in the Keighley Alliance sometime in 2010. In the Premier League, I figure Spurs to break into the top four at Arsenal's expense, Chelsea to win the league, Man Utd to conquer Europe and Wigan to be relegated by late January, to be joined by Fulham and Derby later in the season. Wolves for the championship, with Cardiff and Sheffield United, Hull and that dickhead Windass to be relegated. I don't give a monkeys about league one, as long as Huddersfield Town don't go up.

Great Bender Bars

This week is not all about one bar, but a chain of bars. J.D.Weatherspoons is ordinarily the kind of corporate bully boy that I would avoid at all costs, but the fact is cheap beer is not the reason this group of pubs makes a good bender spot, it is the variety of lagers, beers and weird shit that makes it fun to visit. It was the "Beers of the World" menu that first drew my attention in these watering holes, and nobody ever made it all the way round the planet, the stumbling block always proving to be Belgium, which is home to the demon brew known as Duvel. It proved to be be the iceberg of many a Titanic bender. With branches mushrooming throughout the country many benders have been undertaken up and down this green and pleasant land. Bingley is with out a doubt the most regularly visited, as the senior members of the local bender branch are loath to leave this leafy borough. Needles to say some epic sessions have been undertaken, Mallcy usually being the drunkest, but it has always remained quite cordial, only the Helmet has managed to to find himself barred. The only drawback is the decor, it is akin to boozing in an aircraft hangar. Which is a complaint that cannot be levelled at the Keighley franchise, which is a handsome establishment to pass the day on the lash in. It is also were myself the boy and G-spot met halfway round the world, and found ourselves in beer oblivion. A fate that also befell myself, Lobon, Bakes, Aki and Tom at the Moon under Water in Manchester, when the England-West Indies test match was washed out. The day was spent speaking in Dutch accents and taking the piss out of old geezers in pink shirts. This resulted in the cheeky old cock sucker slapping my bald pate, and nearly having his head stuffed up his jacksie as a result. Nearly scraping after a session in the Wigan 'spoons was Mr Angry himself, Young Paul, who was ready to come to blows in defence of a drunken geezer called Brian Clough (the Keighley version). We also saw some fella off Corrie, who turned tail when he saw a drunken Aki lurching towards him swigging from a bottle of Baileys. Honourable mentions go to the branches located in Bradford, Skipton, York, Cleckheaton, Harrogate, Leeds, Brighouse, London nr Leicester Square, Bournemouth, Wimbledon the train station in Leeds, a favourite starting point for footie away days. Beware of Lloyds No 1 bar, a 'spoons offshoot, in Shipley though. Moustaches, track suits and dealer boots. Need I say more.

They Are Behind You!

Happy days indeed, as the righteous Elite rose above the nefarious knob polishers of the JMF to prevail by two goals, and pull within one victory. A tenacious display of defending held the MoFo in check, until with tiring legs, the Euro boys hit back on the break to secure the win. Yet again the JMF were quicker out of the traps, as a lethargic early showing from JohnnyM and Shouty allowed the shirt lifters to get the better of the early skirmishes. But they could not open a wide enough gap, and by the halfway mark all remained even. At about the three quarter mark though, defensive lapse in the MoFo rearguard allowed the Elite to gain the whip hand, and although they were briefly to regain parity, a late goal burst from Euro B, Young Gaz, Two Scoops and JohnnyM made sure of victory. Dead Eye and Jamon are not available next week and will be replaced by Lefty and the Mercenary, when the Euro boys will be aiming to draw level with the sausage jockeys for the first time since January. Oh yes, they did cry like the whipped bitches they are.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Funky Pedestrian, Dead Eye, Luklear and King Dave

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Shouty, Euro Bri, Two Scoops and Youg Gaz

2007 Season

• JMF wins -15


• Euro Elite - 14


• Draws - 2

Four Coins to be Had

Yarrrgggh! Yet again I be proven to elusive for ye set of jelly stung, plankton brained buffoons. Last week I was satisfying me grease lust in the far north of Albion, McBerwick upon Tweed. That be meanin' if any body can be figurin' out where I have weighed me McAnchor will be findin' himself four doubloons the wealthier.

"Whhhere be MMMcEEEuuro??"

Beer and Meatballs

Summer finally showed up this weekend, and I celebrated with a meatballs and beer frenzy. Before calling in it at the George, I decided to get some grub to soak up the beer I was planning to sup. I fancied meatballs, so off to the Cafe Candia on Legrams Lane I went, their meatballs getting a 7/10, served up with Italian style fried potatoes. Then on to the George, where me, G Spot, JohnnyM and assorted locals, talked shite till midnight. Saturday night was couples night, me and the Elster went to the Dolce Vita at Hipperholme, where I had spaghetti meatballs, rating 4/10, strange consistency and not big enough. From there it was time for beers in Hove Edge near Brighouse, on best behaviour cause out with the missus. Sunday brunch was a meatball pannini(!) from Costa coffee, rating 5/10, nice and spicy, good bread but £3.95!! It was then off to the Fleece in Cullingworth with Big Frank, for a Sunday afternoon session, then back to his for more beer and chilli. I was asleep on my sofa for 9:30 PM. I am getting nicely into shape for Munchen, but fear at my current rate, I will need extra large leiderhosen for the trip.

Pirate Trip 2008....Plus any Ideas for a September Bender?

I have been taking account of everybodys opinion for our now annual pirate shindig. There have been a couple of folk pushing for York, but the majority seem to favour Whitby. I have found a company that do cruises out of the harbour that can be checked out here. This is still aways off mind, and attention needs to be shifted towards Munich. I reckon we could do with a warm up session before we fly out to Bavaria, and think a piss up in early September is the way to go, but haven't thought up anything since the cricket got to expensive, so feel free to make suggestions.

Bendership League Fantasy Football

It is nearly kick off on the new Premier League season, and that means fantasy footie. I have sent out invitations to everybody i thought would be interested, and whose e mail I had. I you haven't received one, I probably have an old address, so contact me if you are up for it. The paper of choice is the Sun's, so you can enter one anyway and i will get you the password for the mini league. For the fanatics out there I also have a Daily Telegraph that could do with some more participants. This pone requires more skill and effort than the current buns, as you can well imagine. So get your teams in, and lets see if we can stop the Jannetta boys running away with it this year. To enter please follow this link the Sun dream team login.

Big Girls Don't Cry

But big cock sucking JMFers do when they lose! My word they whine like the penis hungry bitches they are. After yet again gifting them an early advantage, the mighty Euro Elite first leveled the scores and then coasted to a two goal victory. King Dave and Lukelear put in heroic efforts to give the fast fading MoFo a glimmer of hope late on, but young Gaz and big JohnnyM made the game safe in the dying minutes. You can smell the desperation on the JMF at the moment as they continue to call for the most dubious of fouls, and bleat like Wilsden shagged lambs when they perceive a misjustice. A returning Shouty ran them ragged, chipping in with five goals, before retiring injured into the goals to repel wave after wave of gay attacks, in a performance that called to mind Shotguns heroics between the sticks the previous week. Dead Eye was out of sorts, and his goal input was sorely missed, but who cares? We are now within two games of the wicked witches, and they seem to be on the verge of implosion. Roll on next week.


Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Funky Pedestrian, Dead Eye, Luklear and King Dave

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Shouty, Euro Bri, Two Scoops and Youg Gaz

2007 Season

• JMF wins -15


• Euro Elite - 13


• Draws - 2