Mercenary HANDS JMF Victory

The return of the underhand cheater, the mercenary, scuppered the Elites attempts to attain a hat-trick of victories. After their whippings of the last two weeks, the JMF resorted to Don Revie like tactics to upset the Euro rhythm, and soon took advantage of our fair mindedness to steal a three goal advantage. But the Shoutster clicked his heels and pulled the elite to level pegging in quick time. It was then the mercenary levelled the valiant Shotgun, upseting his mojo, to ensure his scatter gun shooting returned. He then started telling tales that caused friction between JohnnyMedia and Euro, who proceeded to fallout, and then pissed on Shoutys ruby reds when he wasn't looking. Two Scoops, a late replacement for Young Gaz, fell foul of the dastardly one, who kept handling all his shots and claiming they came off his chest. With our attention focused on this ne'er do well, the remaining batty boys of the MoFo snuck in to steal a four goal victory. Wankers. Well enjoy the pearl necklaces you were all giving each other afterwards, as next week we will be wise to the dirty shenanigans of the mercenary.

2007 Season

• JMF wins - 8
• Euro Elite - 4
• Draws - 1

Fantastic Four do Scunthorpe

Myself, Crespo, Shouty and The Boy are off to watch the Mighty Bantams lock horns with the Iron of Scunthorpe on Saturday. City are desperate for points in their struggle to avoid relegation, and the lads are desperate for something to cheer about. Between England's recent lacklustre performances and the Bantams disastrous slide into the relegation zone, belief in our team is not high. But hope springs eternal, and at odds of 6-1, I am having a tenner on City. Members to fall by the wayside on this trip are Jamon, who is having to drive up to Carlisle that day, Lobon, who is suffering from back pain, Queso, who is grand fromaging around Jamaica, and last but not least Funky, who has been trapped beneath all the bills he has not paid to his Internet provider. Don't worry missing brethren, we will pick up the beer slack. This will be my last bender as well for a week or two, as the nefarious Elster has put her foot down about the resulting hangovers from my recent binges. Fear not though fellow squad members, as I am already formulating a plan for an April bender outing. The dogfight at the base of the league one table comes to a head on the 28th of April, as City and Chesterfield square off in a proverbial six pointer. The boys will need all the support that can be mustered, and once we have consigned the Spireites to League Two we can celebrate with a few sherberts on our journey home.

Is the Tesco Tide Turning?

More heartening news concerning the corporate juggernaut that is Tescos, being stopped in its tracks. A few weeks after bailiffs confiscated thousands of pounds worth of booze, after the billion pound generating company refused to pay a customer after one of its car washes damaged his car, the citizens of Bourneville have delivered a slap to the Tesco face, after a local council refused permission to a Tescos to sell alcohol in the "dry" borough. The bully boys decided that although the model town was set up for workers in 1890, with the stipulation there would be no alcohol sold within the district. The people who lived in this community were happy to abide by this ruling for over 100 years, till Tesco thought it could add a few more pence to their bulging profits. Finally local people are realising that Tescos is not about improving communities, but ruthlessly riding roughshod over local people in pursuit of profit.

A McStroll Down McMemory Lane

Once again the McMercenary claimed the McJackpot, but plenty of you were on the ball to realise I was in Deutschland. This of course means that only one pound is up for grabs this week. Well this week I have a special McTreat for all you McSpotters out there. I know the picture quality isn't great, apologies, but it was taken with a disposable camera. But you have gotta love the sign. It is an original 1960's roadside MaccyD neon, featuring "Speedie" the original corporate mascot, made defunct by good old Ronald McD. Obviously this shot was taken in a museum, and for this weeks jackpot prize I will be McRequiring the McCounrty, McTown and McMuseum it is housed in. So if you are all seated comfortably;



"Wwwwwwwhhhheeeerrrree'sssssssss
MMMMMMMccccEEEEuuuurrooooooo?"

Driven to Drink

England vs Israel, myself, JohnnyMedia, the Boy and El Grande Queso were settled down ready for the match, when lo and behold, the infamous Jamon appeared!!! He was being chaperoned by the evil CD, but it was grand to see him non the less. The evening was poised nicely, and then they kicked off. Oh dear. I have seen better games down at Valley Parade this year. For those of you not aware of where, indeed what a Valley Parade is, this is where the relegation threatened Bradford City show up to play a game resembling football. Or soccer if you are American. It was woeful, Lennon was played on the left(?), Gerrard on the right, and rumour has it that Lampard was playing down the middle. I could go on but it begins to depress me. In fact it drove me to drink, we all ended up following a trilby wearing West Indian gentleman to a Jamacan club, and that's where my memory starts to fail me, I remember talking to a old work colleague and having a curry, but after that the next thing I was doing was waking up on my sofa, with two cans of Red Stripe in my jacket pockets. The Elster was NOT impressed.

McMercenary Prevails Again

The Mercenary, yet again, correctly McSpotted my McLocation to win the two pound on offer. I was in McMunster, Germany. That is not the only reason for this posting. McOdyssey has proved to be a popular section on my blog, but I am beginning to run out of pictures to post.

DO NOT BE ALARMED

Having said that, I still have enough to continue on for perhaps another three months or so, but I am wanting to open the McOdyssey challenge to everybody, as some of the remaining photos I have are very easy to guess. If you have any, or want to take any pictures of yourselves outside the golden arches, please post them to me and I will use them. Don't worry, I will pay out any money that is won, compliant with the rules of course. If you want to send me any and haven't got my regular e-mail address, send them to europeanbri at hotmail.

England vs Israel

I think it will be yet another display of ineptness from England, but hope springs eternal, and if we are to take off to next years finals in Switzerland/Austria, we need a result big time. The grinning buffoon, Steve McLaren, will probably play everybody out of position, and watching his team play is not a pleasure by any stretch, but Shouty is up for watching the game over a few beers. I will be watching the game with the Boy Dazzler and Spunky Monkey at the Travellers at Duckworth Lane.

BREAKING NEWS........
SammyJ has imprisoned the Shoutster, and refused all appeals for clemency.

Change of Plan

It has been decided that we are to rendezvous in the Leeds station Whetherspoon's for around 11:00, then onto Scunthorpe on the 12:05 via Doncaster. The return journey remains the same as before.

Shotgun Shells Shirt Lifters

Rejoice!! The mighty Elite defeated the infidel cheaters of the JMF last night, prevailing by two goals, resulting in their first back to back victories of the year. Social misfits Jamon and Funky ran out of fingers and tried to cheat the righteous out of a goal, but Euro, Shouty and JohnnyWest held their ground, feeding Young Gaz and Shotgun the ammunition to to apply the goals that vanquished the MoFo. Jamon and Funky were still bleating like a couple of rodgered lambs about the injustice, their fellow teammates taking the beating they were administered like men. Goal of the evening was without a doubt the tracer bullet fired by Shoutys ruby reds into the top corner in the opening minutes, resulting in a three goal advantage to the Euro boys. The JMF upped their game and drew level, but it was the last time they were to gain parity this evening. Shotgun was lively upfront all night, but special mention goes to Young Gaz, who scored a sackful. The only thing special about the JMF were the needs of Messers MoFo and Messiah.

2007 Season

• JMF wins - 7
• Euro Elite - 4
• Draws - 1

Scunny Train Times

For those of you partaking in our boozy jaunt to watch the Bantams stuff the Iron, I am suggesting we catch the 11:32 train from Bradford Forster Square, which gets us into Leeds for 11:55. the return leg has a train leaving at 19:15 which gets us on the London train direct back to Bradford from Doncaster. This train sells beer. We arrive back at Forster Square at 21:45, from whence we can do as we jolly well please.

McJackpot Stands at Two Quid

The McElster proved to be elusive to all the McSpotters out there, although Crespo nearly pulled it off at the last minute. His McGuess of Guisley was in the same postal district, but the McElster was in fact outside the Farnley restaurant in Leeds, just off the Stanningley by-pass. Tough luck Crespo. The clue it was round this neck off the woods, was the Kings alarm box. Thought McUndercover brother and the McMercenary would have picked up on this. C'est la vie.



This week sees the return of myself, situated outside the golden arches of some mystery location. So for two pounds,



"Whhhhhhhhhhere'sssssssss MMMMMMMcEurrrrrrooooo?????"

"I Ain't Gettin' on No Train, Crazy Fool!"

With the Scunthorpe bender under two weeks away, bender squad stalwart JohnnyMedia has decided not to partake after realising the mode of transportation that was being used to reach our destination. The mishap at Skipton station is too fresh in his memory, and when informed of our travel means declared "I ain't gettin' on no train, crazy fool!" We have a devious plan to spike his drink and smuggle him on, but he has got wise to our game, and is refusing to accept any beverages offered. I did consider smacking him over the head with a blunt instrument, but couldn't think of anything as blunt as his noodle.

Top O'the Morning

Saint Patricks is over for another year, all that's left is a thick head and a few Guinness stains. Met up with the Shoutster, Crespo and John the Don at the Villager, smack in the heart of sheep bothering country last night. The mercenary some how ended up in Halifax, and that's about all the sense I got out of him. His royal gayness the funky messiah decided to stay in and watch Star Wars. I swear that boy gets gayer by the day. Dangerous Pete also made a brief appearance. It was business as usual round Wilsden, plenty of beer, a fight and then a off to round up a few woolly fellas. Woke up this morning with a thick head, with an e mail from the mercenary with a link http://www.pissonaleprechaun.com/update.html for a Saint Pats game to help with the hangover. Anyway I am off to chuck up some of last nights excesses, and then off out for mothers day. Photos posted at www.bendersquad.smugmug.com

Saint Pats Round Wilsden

I am going to be leaving my woolies at home and taking in St Patricks round the backwoods of Wilsden on Saturday. Bender Squad members Crespo, Mercenary and Shouty have answered the call, but it will be steady as she goes, due Mothers Day falling the day after. We will be dodging inbreds down the Villager, and we might even go local and chase a few sheep at last orders. Rumour has it that little seen squad legend Jamon may be making an appearance, and that leprechauns will be providing the entertainment. B'gosh and B'gorra.

Shoutys Ruby Reds Power the Elite to Three Goal Victory

After weeks of fruitless endeavour, the righteous elite at last vanquished the rent boy rimmers of the JMF down the Wood last night. The omens were good from the off, Shouty showing up in some neon red pimp my feet trainers, that dazzled the MoFo from kick off onwards. Instead of gifting the Gaylord's an eight or nine goal lead, we broke our recent slump to snatch an early three goal advantage, JohnnyMedia put his recent goalkeeping woes behind him to repel the evil hordes. After our bright start the match settled into a tit for tat spell as the mighty Elite held on to their early advantage, before entering a purple patch that saw this advantage spread to a seven goal lead. Jamon and King Dave were inept between the sticks, and Shotgun produced the effort of the evening, slicing through the JMF rear guard like a hot knife through butter, and then nonchalantly stroking the ball home. But this is the Euro Elite, and it would not be Wednesday without a keystone cop passage of play. Finger nails were being bitten, and tempers frayed, as the female dodgers dug deep to level the scores as full time approached, Luklear in particular playing out of his skin. Thankfully the storm was weathered and as the JMF wilted, the Elite found a second wind. Young Gaz, Euro and JohnnyMedia put the MoFo to the sword as they comfortably eased home by three. Is this the dawn of a new era down the Wood, or is it a brief respite from the impending forces of gay? Only time will tell.

2007 Season

• JMF wins - 7
• Euro Elite - 3
• Draws - 1

Shouty, Crespo.... can you Hear Me?

Because it's mothering Sunday the day after St Patricks day, and most of the nefarious Mean Repressive Spouses have put a kybosh on going out, I raise this call to the hearty and hale, the fearless amongst you, and most importantly the ones with nerves of steel and brains of porridge. Who is up for a few Guinness's on the 17th??

To the evil M.R.S.

"Oi'll foight ther lotas ov yoo!!!"

McOdyssey...with a Twist

G'Day McSpotters, are we ready for this weeks edition of "Where's McEuro????" Well this week we are not having one. But hold on a McSecond, my little McCuddly fella's, it is only because I have a one off surprise. This week, to try and throw McUndercover brother and the McMercanary off the scent, this weeks poseur is in fact........



WWWWWhhhhheeeerrrreee'sssss MMMMMccccEEElllsssttteeerrrrrr????



Don't worry McSpotters, normal service will be McResumed next week, when my beaming handsome face will be outside a MaccyDs somewhere in the world. This has not been an attempted coup by the evil M.R.S. either, in fact if you are able to zoom in, you will see I have caught her pulling a goofball face. This weeks prize stands at a solitary pound. Good McLuck!

St Patricks Day Dilemma

What a pickle, this years Paddys Day falls the night before Mothering Sunday, not a good day for a hangover. Cruel fate how you mock us. It seems this years annual Irish bender may have to be forgone, as unfortunately none of us can be trusted to celebrate in moderation. Or is it just possible we have matured enough to keep it sensible? Only time will tell..............

Green Fatigue

This green nonsense is getting beyond a joke. Anybody would think the ecological balance is about to be tipped this Thursday evening, and we are all going to go up in a puff of smoke according to these clown politicians. The Tories are now starting to muscle in on the act, suggesting we pay fuel excise on flights, and everybody in the UK should be rationed to one flight a year. Can't see our footie teams getting to far in the Champions League then, eh Mr Cameron. Old Gordon B was not to be out done though, saying his aim was that all new homes Carbon Neutral, ie a cave, and introducing the light bulb police, to arrest anybody not using energy efficient ones. I made the last one up, but it wouldn't surprise me at this rate if it did become law. So between the road pricing and flight taxes, I may just be able to get away for a weeks camping down Shipley Glen then. But wait a minute, didn't I read about a Labour MP who claimed car travelling expenses for 60,000 miles? Hasn't Tony and Cherie enjoyed a sojourn to Florida recently? I don't know where super Dave got too, but I am pretty sure it was not Morecombe, and how many air miles has uber-twat Al Gore racked up promoting his green propaganda movie? And another thing, what qualifies these dick heads to spout off like this? I don't believe any of the MoFos are scientists? Yes I think we should cut down on waste, yes we should be looking at alternative energy sources, but come on fella's, practise what you preach. And why does every solution these people come up with mean more taxes? We are paying out more tax pounds than ever, and I am sorry, nothing appears to have improved, in fact it has got worse.

Mallcy Turns 40

Had to keep this one quiet, as last night there was a surprise birthday party to celebrate old school legend Malster's 40th birthday. it was the first time a lot of us had got together, and I think his M.R.S. agent Little Miss Sunshine pulled it off, as he was genuinely not prepared for a house full when he got back from the boozer. The night was going well, much beer, champagne and slippery nipple was drunk. Having not seen Mallcy for a while, we were in the middle of telling each other how we should get together more often, and telling each other how much we loved each other in a butch, manly kind of way, when someone spotted we might be getting a little bit to special......


Unfortunately that person happened to be the aforementioned Miss Sunshine, and let me tell you, she was having nobody getting that close and personal with her beloved Mallcy in her own house, so before I knew what was happening.....

My night was being rudely curtailed as I was tossed from the premises! The evil M.R.S. strike again. I didn't get many pictures of the nights events, but I will post them on the galleries site, along with an updated rouges gallery of Mean Repressive Spouses at www.bendersquad.smugmug.com for you to familiarise your selves with more agents of this evil organization.

In Passing...

Sorry for the brevity of this posting but got shed loads to do this weekend, even stayed moderately sober down the George last night. First off, any ideas for St Pats next Saturday? Don't forget at the end of the month is the Scunthorpe trip to watch the mighty bantams. This trip is beyond the boundaries of West Yorkshire, so buffoon points are up for grabs. Elsters shouting me to get a move on...will post something tomorrow. Adios.

JMF Down Elite by Four

Apologies for the tardiness of this post, but I have been under the weather, a fact that contributed to the female dodging JMF prevailing by four goals Wednesday evening. Yet again the evil minions were granted a four goal head start, a failing the elite seriously needs to address if the scourge that is the JMF are to be vanquished. The elite recovered well, even taking the lead, but as Euro Bris stomach bug took its toll, the Elite strode on to win comfortably. Yet again the ability to convert numerous goal opportunities was to much for the righteous Elite to overcome. For no apparent reason brother Shouty has decided that when on his own in front of goals, with only the keeper to beat, to partake in some weird dance around the ball, giving his opponents ample time to rob him of possession. This manoeuvre shall be hence forth known as the Shouty Shuffle. Unfortunatley this has resulted in arse bandits opening a clear 5 game advantage in the race to be crowned King of the Wood 2007, but there are many games yet to be played.

2007 Season

• JMF wins - 7
• Euro Elite - 2
• Draws - 1

Its McTuesday

Welcome avid McSpotters, its that time of the week again, that's right its McOdyssey time. After last weeks fiasco, I hopefully present a considerably more difficult challenge. As the McPhantom Guesser, McUndercover Brother again weighed in with the first correct answer, the prize fund this week stands at two quid. So if you are all ready,



On your marks,



Get set,



Wwwhhhheeerrree'sss MMMMMcccEEEEurroooooo?????

Mighty Bantams Ticket Pledge

This weekend saw the Mighty Bantams slip into the relegation places. This does not seem the most opportune moment to be sending out pledges for next years season tickets, but I think I will be signing up for one. I know Crespo already has, and El Grande Queso was also considering. I know not all of the bender Squad are city fans, but for those of us who who are long suffering fans, I believe this is a bargain. At £138 you do not need to attend every game, as myself and the boy cannot due to work commitments, and it will help ensure the team continue to exist. The requirement is 10,000 returned pledges to sign up for the offer, approximately 5,500 have already signed up. The forms need to be returned by the end of March.

Is it Monday Already?

Apologies for the lack of any postings since Thursday, but the last few days have been hectic. Loads going off at work, and unfortunately Came down with a bad case of the brown bottle flu on Sunday. It wasn't quite as high on the Richter scale as the previous week, but not good at the same time. It was a result of the Elsters and Chezes leaving bash, which was down the George. Mixing Guinness, Jack Daniels and Coke in the same glass was not one of my smartest idea's. C'est la vie. It has also come to light that brother Shouty has been in the dog house again. After promising to nip out for just a couple the previous week, he got himself in bother, after Crespo led him astray. SammyJ got her laddered tights in a knot when he stumbled in at four o'clock the next morning. This week a few of the squad are going deep into enemy territory to watch the inept bantams take on the slightly less poor Terriers on Saturday lunchtime. Alas financial constraints prevent me from making the trip, so it will be left to Shouty, Funky and Crespo to fly the Bender Squad banner.

McMercenary Finds a McShack

My guess is McKazhikstan.

Are Tesco Going into the Car Repair Business?

I have to admit to a case of Schadenfreude over the contaminated petrol damaging peoples engines after purchasing petrol at Tescos. Oh how I chuckled at the thought of all the people using the evil empires forecourts. but it also got me thinking "Is this a precursor to them going into the car repair business?" It wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, seeing as I don't use supermarket petrol stations, it appears I will be able to partake in my guilty pleasure for a while yet.

Dead Eye at the Death

The years first stalemate was played out down the Wood last night, as the magnificent Elite recovered from their usual poor start to record a draw. In fact victory was all but assured, till Dead Eye latched on to a loose rebound to slot home an equaliser, as the fixture breathed its last breath.Yet another long evening appeared to be on the cards for the Elite, as JohnnyMedia (formerly known as JohnnyWest) gifted the gaylord JMF a four goal lead. But the Elite dug deep and produced their best football of the year to claw themselves back into the game. Shotgun and European put their recent profligacy behind them and started to slot home some goals, including a mazy run that showed up the MoFo for the retards they are, to slot home the first equaliser. The closeness of this contest began to rattle the JMF, The Mercenary and Jamon engaging in a bout of handbags not witnessed since the demise of the injured Lobon. Young Gaz was the next to rise to the occasion, the Elite actually opening up a one goal lead, a feat not achieved for the previous three weeks. Tired legs began to take their toll on both sides, but with only a handful of minutes remaining Shouty slotted home the go ahead goal for the righteous Elite. Alas, with the final buzzer seconds from sounding, luklear broke free, his shot rebounding to Dead Eye who made no mistake. I am glad I legged him earlier, the toss pot.

2007 Season

• JMF wins - 6
• Euro Elite - 2
• Draws - 1