Perfume...The Real Reason it Exists

This may be a bit late, seeing as the deluge of fragrance adverts has subsided since it's Christmas peak, but I feel like a rant, so here it is. Years ago beer ads were stopped, by Government legislation no less, from giving the impression that supping loads of ale made you irresistible to the opposite sex. Fair enough, we all know this to be true, just ask the Elster when I venture into the boudoir after a Friday session down the George, but I got to thinking, why does the same not apply to smellies?

Let's not beat about the bush. The models/actresses that peddle the stuff on TV could smell like sweaty arse crack, and you would still rodger them all night long, although chance would be a fine thing. So let's slightly lower our sights. How many of you out there picked up your current squeeze because she smelled like an over strong car air freshener? None of you did. It was either because she was blind drunk, or your mate said she was a sure thing. In fact, I hazard most of you out there would be suspicious of women who over does the impulse. What is it that she is trying to cover up? A trouty gash? I know my first instinct when confronted by a bird who has overdone the flowery stuff is not one of wild lust. More than likely it will induce a sneezing fit. So it's no good either for the lady folk that fall into our catchment zone. That leaves the fat chicks, and I am afraid it's no good for them either. That is the job of beer. So if you are a bit of a bloater, save that £50 you were going to spend on something called"Eternity" or "Orgasam" and get yourself a case of Stella and get your quarry wankered. Job done at half the price. You can thank me later.

So what is the real purpose of the vast array of fragrances that are available? Simple. It is to provide us numb nuts males with something to get you for Christmas, cause we have absolutely no idea, and even less interest, in what you actually want.