General Election

A lot of speculation has been in the press lately about the possibility of a general election being held in the autumn. This got myself, G Spot and Shotgun wondering down the George on Friday night, about an earlier posting, when I threatened to set up our own party, if I wasn't such a lazy git. Well we decided, after a few cold ones, that this could indeed be a bit of a hoot. We figure if only 40% of eligible people vote, and their vote is split, particularly in a close seat, you would only probably need 10% of the non voters to show up and put a cross next to your name. This is still a formidable task to achieve, but could be worth the effort. First we need a name for our newly formed party. Being slightly inebriated, we were unable to think of anything suitable, so please feel free to offer any ideas. If we are to be semi serious about this, it can't be too stupid. Secondly we need to appeal to people we don't know, so although a full manifesto is not required, we do need to think of some issues to stand for that actually might make someone vote for us. Again they can't be overly stupid, just a little. A seat that has a small majority, and contains plenty of bender squad sympathetic inhabitants is something that needs to be addressed, and I reckon Shipley is a prime spot. Finally we need an able person to put him self forward to run as our initial candidate for Parliament. Unfortunately, I am unable to put myself up for this honourable task, as I am not a citizen of this country, and due to my terminal laziness, the chances of getting me to fill out the necessary paperwork, are at best slim. What we need is someone who is a local lad. Somebody who talks nonsense with verve and panache, and at an inhumanely high decibel level, so as not to be drowned out by the rabble rousers in the House of Commons. A family man of above average moral conviction with a suitably large ego. In a single word...Shouty. This of course is only my opinion, and any one else willing to nominate another possibility, please do so.

The next issue after we settle on our nomination, is the financial side. To register a new political party costs £150, and we need to name the leader, treasurer and campaign officer. To actually run for a seat requires a £500 deposit, refundable if by some miracle we gain 5% of the vote. So we also need to come up with some fundraising ideas, although if we all chipped in a tenner each we could well be on our way. i am sure if we you all got your mates and their mates, who don't usually register to vote, to do so and put a cross in our box on the ballot paper, we could do better than you think. A chain e mail, local press stunts ie Pirates for Parliament, even handing out flyer's in town centres, I think it's worth doing. So first off, get your heads together and lets think up a decent title for our latest exploit.