Le Grande Buffoon 2008-First Quarter Rankings

A slow start to 2008, although it does include the last months of 2007, means Le Maillot Jaune is still very much up for grabs. Last years runaway winner, the Funky Messiah, got off to a ripping start, his Boxing Day/New Years performance around Wilsden was of an extremely high quality, something we have come to expect from a perennial contender. He manged to get turfed out of Ropey's house party, for coming on to his missus, and then following her up to the kazi, and refused to get out. He then did a full frontal slide down the hill outside the village community hall, before knocking up his ex girlfriend, who took pity on him, and made sure he got home. We all thought this was the opening shots of what was going to be possibly the greatest buffoon year of all, but since then our early season favourite has gone quiet. The slack was picked up by Shouty, who many see as the most serious challenger to last years winner, in particular his lost weekend, when he was saved from oblivion by Crespo. After staying out all night, he decided to have a couple of liveners before retiring to catch up on some kip. These "liveners" resulted in myself and Crespo receiving numerous phone calls from the future Member of Parliament, who was in a fair old state. He pitched up at Crespos, who took him and sobered him up, then made room for him in his spare room. He reckoned later in the week to have been out till last orders, but Crespo said it was eight o'clock at latest. He was so drunk that they stopped serving him in the Prune. On the Bender Squad Xmas shindig he also tried to get some cash out of an obviously out of order cash point, and sat with a puzzled look on his face for about 10 minutes. I myself accrued plenty of buffoon points that evening, for reason I can not put in print, safe to say the were for the same indiscretion that saw Tony Helmet earn his points in the Villager. Shouty also earned himself some extra Brucie bonus points for a similar incident to both back at Helmets house, that I can vouch for, as I was there. Dazzler and Queso have also racked themselves a few scores from the Casino night, but in all that is about it. Dark horses John the Don and Mad Ad have beenkeeping a low profile, and the rest of the Squad have been acting far too sensibly. So with the first quarter up, the top five is as follows;

1. The Funky Messiah-His strong showing over the Christmas period sees him hold on to his first place, but coming up hard on the rails is;
2. The Right Honourable Shouty-At cats cock hair behind the 2007 champion, and with the pre season favourite seemingly to be growing up, he is now considered by most to be the new favourite, but things can change as he is followed in, albeit at some distance, by an annual dark horse;
3. European Bri-the Casino and Park episodes have seen me rise into the running fore the first time since Munich, but I would like to think this is more to do with the slow start to the year, rather than a slow descent into the realms of the two fellas above me. I am closely followed by;
4. The Boy Dazzler-Gains his high entry for being too drunk to be in a Casino, and losing his wallet last Saturday. Still gets drunker than any man this side of Lefty, and with a few foreign excursions ahead of us, is a good outside bet.
5. Tony Helmet-Included here more on reputation than performance, but the creaking chair that broke under his considerable girth was hilarious, and more than enough to earn him a spot in the top five.

As I have pointed out, the beginning of the year is always a quiet period, and as the weather warms up, so does the potential for idiocy. One person who would feature in the top three is Lefty, for his heroic effort in Otley, but his membership is still pending, although I would be more than happy to include him.