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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Le Grand Buffoon 2010

There is nothing like a foreign jaunt to stimulate the Buffoon of the year standings, and our trip to Dusseldorf was no different. I am going to break the scoring down by member, with their points total. Forgive me for being vague on a couple of exploits, but you will get the gist of what went on.

Many thought Helmets on man mission in Edinburgh would take some beating, but Trigger beats it all ends up. First up, the Pikey incident, which was uncovered on the trip down. I cannot elaborate too much on this, but it involved a deal to good to be true, and was deemed by the panel to be worth 10 points. Then we have the piss tip. As travellers around Germany are aware, quite a few establishments have a toilet attendant, whom you usually give a 20 to 50 cent tip for keeping the bog clean. Trigger decided to go all flash on us, and tipped this particular cleaner €20, or £18 for a piss. Luckily Queso was at hand to get it back, but still worth at least 5 points. Then there is the hotel incident, which was agreed weighed in with a whopping 25 points. As you would imagine, on his reappearance come Sunday, he was ever so slightly sheepish, at steered clear of stupidity for the remainder of the trip. Total-40 points

Euro Bri
I may as well get my own idiocy over and done with. My main score was for doing a Mexican wave just as a bartender walked past with a drinks laden tray, I cannot really argue with the three points bestowed on me. I also scored another for texting Sprocket, telling him to get out of bed, even though he was next too me in a pub. Texted the wrong guy, 1 point. I am not sure why I was awarded the other two I was informed of, but considering the state I got into on a couple of occasions, I am more than happy to let them stand. Total-5 points

His purple ear, earned after a grappling session with dessi (see below) was worthy of a score, and his vinegar shot also racks up a point. Apart from that I am struggling to think of much. Oh yeah, I remember his rose trick now. Defiantly worth another score. Total-3points

A first timer, and the fact is he wasn't even supposed to be out with us, but proved to be a worthy addition. Scores like Sprocket, for wrestling like school kids, and also, infamously, did the dreaded starfish shot. Can't really let him off with out a score. My feeling is, now that he knows us, and will be more at ease, that he could score well on our next sojourn. Total-2 points

Dr Shotgun
Without the inestimable Doctor, we would probably still be stranded somewhere in North West Germany, his level head twice retrieving seemingly lost causes. But he still was not immune from moments slackness. My personal favourite was when he asked if 1860 Munich were at home, even though we were in Dusseldorf, on our way to the stadium. He couldn't quite grasp the Koln was Cologne theory either. He did score a third pint, but for what I can't quite remember. Total-3 points

A sensible-ish weekend from our lanky legend. Going back to a house party, and having a shit, only to find there was but a piece of bog roll is about the only incident that springs readily too mind. I am sure there is at least another, so if anybody can remember it, please let me know. Total- 1 point

King of the Pixies
Sandro took some time to shake off the first nights shenanigans, and then was felled by a Shouty induced headache. He did turn it around, but I would be hard pressed to think of him scoring a point. Maybe it was all those pork sarnies kept him on the straight and narrow. Total-Nul points

He was starting to accrue a fair haul. There was the numerous condiment shots he created and supped. The Scotsman he pissed off. The Sprocket incident, which he just wouldn't let lie. It revolved around a joke he made about his trouble and strife, for which KC apologised, only for Shouty to bring it up, again, five minutes later. The dollop of ketchuped, dispensed on his head, as he lay sparked out on a table. But these were all wiped from the slate as part of the deal to get him to undertake the exploit reported below. That of course means he can only be scored for the stunt he pulled when he got home. He turned up for work, even though he had booked it off. An unbelievable solitary score. Total- 1 point

John the Don
He didn't actually go, but I have no doubt he did something stupid, some where. Total- 1 point

El Grande Queso
A good haul from the Queso. First up, the Shouty shooter of mustard he swigged. He claimed to pulled a sleight of hand, but as the video below shows, whatever he knocked back was definitely containing a selection of condiments (even though he may have spit it back into his beer, it went in his gob). Two points for trying to dodge one. Another couple for ringing the Elster, at 8 o'clock in the morning, to tell her she was a good egg, and announce himself as drinking champion of Europe. It's just as well our lass is used to stupid phone calls in the small hours. He scored another for some misdemeanour that has slipped my mind. Total- 5 points

Updated Buffoon Standings

  1. Trigger 50 points
  2. Child Catcher 11 points
  3. El Grande Queso 14 points
  4. Euro Bri 13 points
  5. Crespo 11 points
  6. El Grande Queso 9 points
  7. Euro Bri 8 points
  8. Gareeeeeee 4 points
  9. Sprocket 3 points
  10. Dr Shotgun 3 points
  11. Mikey D 3 Points
  12. John the Don 3 points
  13. Shouty 3 points
  14. Dessi 2 points
  15. San 1 Point
  16. Major 1 point

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