Bender Etiquette

I was driving to work today, day dreaming about nothing in particular, when I remembered back in the day, we used to have the "Golden Rules", that were laid down as a means to ensure the smooth running of our hedonistic existence. After brother Jamon proceeded to break most of these rules in a two month period, they were lost to the mists of time. But it did get me thinking, "What about a Bender charter?", something that could be constitutionally put together to make sure this fine tradition of goofing off and binge drinking, is to be upheld, and passed on to future generations of "Benders".

So to get the ball rolling, I have come up with a few ideas of my own, but would like to hear from all of you out there, to democratically lay down a "Declaration of Benderpendance" that will guide the misguided and easily led for the duration of time.

Proposed rules;

1. Lager shall not be corrupted by the introduction of Lime, Lemonade, Blackcurrant, or any other liquid deemed to be either fruity or girly, except in the case of Snakebite, which will allow the use of Blackcurrant to make the infamous brew of Diesel


2. Anybody suffering from hiccups has to try every crackpot idea to terminate said hiccups until success is achieved. Or being sick.


3. Under no circumstances is the Funky Messiah, Tony Helmet, King of the Pixies, Mad Ad or Jamon allowed to assume leadership during any bender.


4. All disputes amongst fellow squad members shall be decided in favour of the one who silences the other for more than 10 seconds.


5. The JMF will always be considered evil. And gay.


6. Telling the same tales over and over is okay once the seven pint mark has been passed.


7. Shouty is to be disagreed with at all times.


8. Anybody responsible for setting Lobon off on his Thai tales shall be marked by a Purple Herbie.


9. Passports are under no circumstances to be hidden behind mirrors.


10. The wearing of full replica football kits when not playing five a side is forbidden.


11. Sandro should always be the first to enquire after anything when in a foreign country.


12. Le grand buffoon will always be determined by actions taken outside the borders of West Yorkshire.


13. Benderpendance Day shall be celebrated annually, on FA Cup final day

These are just some ideas to get us up and running. I do not expect them all to make the final draft, but remember, without your input, they are just the opinions of a bored geezer with a blog. Please submit any entries on the comment section, over the phone, in the pub or wherever. Till next time.

"Quod inter amicos accidit, inter amicos manet"