Away Days- Wembley

Crespo, Patty and Big Al, down Wembley way

Well who would have thunk it?  One Wembley appearance in 110 years, and within three months we get two.  And what contrasting days they turned out to be.....

In February, the mighty bantams made history, becoming the first team from the fourth tier of the Football League, to make a major Cup Final, the Capital One cup.  Hopes were high, as on route to the final against Swansea, three Premier League teams, including Arsenal, had been vanquished.  But the Bantams performance was as grim as the miserable winters day it was played on.  Out played from the first whistle, the first (and only) shot mustered by the boys in claret and amber was not until the 88th minute.  The final 5-0 score line could easily have been doubled, if not trebled, had the Swans not taken their foot off the gas pedal.  Combined with the coach ride from Hell, it was one of the worst days of my life, easily finding a spot in my top ten.

We can see you sneaking out!!!

So on to May, where against all expectations we found ourselves travelling down, by TRAIN, to the play off finals.  Blocking our path to League One was Northampton Town.  The weather was perfect for football, bright and sunny, but not too hot.  Yes the ground was half full, so some atmosphere was lost, but hopes were high after the away demolition of Burton Albion in the semi final.  Of course, this being Bradford City FC, everybody expected a stressful afternoon, recent history suggesting we wound be put the through the wringer several times before the final whistle blew.  But those thoughts were soon dashed.  Three up within thirty minutes, the rest of the game was played out in cruise control, and the dark memories of the February just past were vanquished, CTID.

On what planet is this a pie?

So what about the stadium?  As with all modern structures, it lacks any kind of soul, and anybody who thought sticking up a lopsided arch would rectify this, was sadly mistaken.  Of course, as with all modern structures, there isn't a bad seat in the house.  The seats are comfortable, the concourses are wide and the concession stands clean, quick and efficient.  The toilets are vast (no queuing) and the size of the joint is quite impressive.  But I would still take an Away day to Brentfords Griffin Park over it.


Statistics

• Capacity-90,000
• Concessions- Yes they are expensive. But for your money you get ultra quick service, a good variety (you can buy fish and chips) and the portions are pretty generous.  Yet they lack something, being in the main the fast food, never mind the quality look how big it is!
• Built- 2007
• Did You Know?- The stadium contains 2,168 toilets, more than any venue in the world
• Visited By- Euro Bri, El Grande Queso, Crespo, Funky, Big Al, Helmet, Geester, Jamon and Malccy and just about everybody chuffing else now...
• Rating- Mount Olympus- If for no other reason than the name Wembley. It has hosted numerous finals, Live Aid and is known throughout the world.  Apart from Pele, every single one of the worlds elite players has graced its hallowed turf, and no matter what kind of structure stood here, it would still be an iconic venue. And lets face it, what other ground can you sing about visiting?  Que sera, sera!

Is Anybody Out There?

Howdy strangers, how we all doing?  I know it has been quite a while, so I thought I would just drop on and pop on a quick post.  Well things have been more than a bit hectic in my life over the past few months, and I am afraid I have neglected this blog for far too long.  The reasons for this are many, but the over riding factor has been the lack of much to report on.  I am afraid the Bender Squad has hit the buffers of middle age.  Yes, the Peter Pans of West Yorkshire have left Never-Never land, and although we still make the odd return journey, I do believe our permanent residence has come to end.  Not such a bad thing, after all I would like to actually get to retirement age, and enjoy a few tears of it, something our previous lifestyle may have dictated against.  Of course this means there are less shenanigans to report on, which means I need to take this blog, if it is to continue, in a different direction, something I have pondered long and hard on.  Of course classic threads such as Away Days, Le Grand Buffoon, Killer Keisters etc, are timeless, but I need to figure out what else I can spout forth on.  After all, middle age is a bit of an excitement desert I am afraid.  So bear with me over the next few weeks, as I try and resurrect this here blog.  It may not happen, but I am going to give it one more go, before I don the slippers and spark up that pipe........

Cod Army 2 Bantams 2

An afternoon game on a parky winters day, after several pints, at a garden shed of a ground is always a tough sell. Especially when you are watching with an undercover Leeds fan. The first half was all Fleetwood, and as half time approached, talk had all ready turned to the pub. But then Nahki Wells curled a free kick into the top corner, and we decided to see how the second half started out.

And it started really well, as city finally seemed to have got their shit together.  The Cod Army was the team on the ropes now, and ten minutes in, the Bantams took the lead. All looked fair set for an important away victory, when my phone pinged an incoming text.  Mickey D and Sprout had jiggered off to 'spoons! Now I would love to say that I resisted temptation, and loyally stayed to back my team to the death.  But I didn't. The thought of pint in a warm pub proved far to tempting, and we made good our escape.  As we turned the corner for the tram, we heard the roar that went up for the Cod Armies equaliser, which stayed the final result.


Kev Watch- After all the cup exploits, it was back to the bread and butter of the league.  Things started out well, but the combination of my boredom, and the beer I had supped prior to the game, made for a tetchy affair. In fact I spent pretty much the whole first half (ably assisted by Geester) baiting our lanky hero. he was good value when we went in front, as we all dived bombed him in celebration, but the freezing seaside breeze soon cooled us off.  Stayed to the death.  7/10

Pie Rating- We got off to a good start. They actually had pies! Several varieties to boot, and you could get mushy peas with 'em as well! I was going to get a guest review from Funky, but he got a pasty, which he didn't like. Said it was greasy. But this is "pie rating" so we don't really give a monkeys. Myself and my partner in crime, Geester, thought our pies were lovely.  The meat and potato actually had meat in it (not always a given at lower league football grounds) and I thought the Steak was spot on, especially with the mushy peas, all for less than the 4 knicker.  We both were in agreement. 7/10

Blackpool Buffoonery

This weekend was a banner time for Buffoonery, as the Bender squad took off in force to the seaside, firstly to watch the Bantams play Fleetwood, and then round Blackpool. None of the point totals printed are final, but they are a good indication of what can be expected once they have been ratified.

Ropey- A strong performance from dread-locked one. After a night on the tiles in Blackpool, he ordered himself a taxi. When asked for his destination, he replied "Fleetwood"  His mistake came to light when the driver asked which B&B he was staying at. "Grand central" the Ropemeister piped up.  "There ain't no such place in Fleetwood" came the drivers reply. So back to Blackpool it was, and although the cab driver originally wanted £35, Ropey still had to cough up £20, for a trip that would have taken about five minutes to walk.  He reckons it is a three pointer, but I motion a minimum of four, as stupidity is not excused just because you confess. I am sure there was more, but it alludes me for the moment. I am sure there will be more than a few reminders if I have forgotten any.  4 points.

Funky- A naked stroll around the hotel, in the wee hours searching for a bathroom, even though there was one just two feet from your bed. There are rumours that it was indeed Paul who laid the stenchiest pile of poo in Ropey Marks room, something that Big JB was blamed for..... Could mean extra points, but for the time being a couple sounds about right.  2 points



Helmet- After getting wankered the previous night, the Big fella needed a snooze, so missed us all going to the match, and had to make his own way there.  Now Tony is not one to ask for directions, so instead of getting off the tram at Stanley Road, right next to the stadium, he made his way into Fleetwood town centre, and then proceeded to get lost. Just as the battery ran out on his mobile.  A dodgy local gave him some bum directions, and instead of spending the afternoon with his chums at the football, had to wait for us back at the hotel.  He also tried to get off the train via the toilet, but considering we had been in the pub all afternoon, can be forgiven  A couple seems pretty fair to many, or am I being to generous? 2 points

King of the Pixies- "Where are we helmets" he enquired, with a sign saying Preston right behind his head. 1 point.

Now I have slept a couple of nights since all the shenanigans went down, so may well have forgotten a few.  Do not hesitate to let me know, and any feedback on the points total is more than welcome.

On it's Arse?

I was hoping the Wood tussle could regain some of its former glory, particularly as it was a new year, and for the first time in months we managed to put out the two sides that were supposed to be playing, and were reasonably evenly matched.  but just four games in to 2013 and things are reverting to type. Once again a member of the Wood staff had to be drafted in to make sure we had eleven players, and the injury reports relating to those missing in action is not good. I may be unduly worried, but it feels like the end is nigh.  Hope I am wrong......


2013 Standings

JMF-2

Euro-2

Draw- 0

Away Days

A follow up to the earlier posting of the Mighty Bantams victorious semi-final win, over two legs, against Aston Villa.  I won't dwell too much on the game itself, after all I have all ready posted a thread, and if you are a follower of the Mighty Bantams or Inept Villains, you will be all to familiar with what went done that glorious night.  This is all about the the ground, the world renowned Villa Park.  I have visited this fine stadium three times, and seen my team lose each time, which being a Bradford city fan ain't to surprising.  The problem I have rating this joint is the fact that I have always gone straight to the game, and then straight home.  So apart from the ground itself, I don't know much about the surroundings.  The brick facade is very nice, and the Holte pub just outside looks a good boozer.  Inside, there isn't a bad seat, and both the giant screens are pretty impressive.  But I got no feeling for the place, not like you do when on a proper Away Day.  When you catch the train down, find a boozer full of your fellow supporters pre-match, and then mingle with some non aggressive home fans afterwards.  So all I can do is comment on what a fine stadium it is.  A good size, fans generate a good volume (although it tailed off massively after James Hanson planted the ball in the back of the net) and the exterior and interior are not the generic bland structures that are de rigeur for the shiny new out of town stadia, that lack any kind of soul.  Would like to go again, but with a bit more time get a true reflection of where it should rank.

Sorry for the lack of photos and video footage, got to the game late, and fucked up the video panorama.

Statistics

• Capacity-42,788
• Concessions- A tough one to call.  Home of the original Balti pie, and I was looking well forward to scarfing one, but due to our late arrival, they had sold out! Instead I was left with probably the most insipid hot dog I have ever had the miss fortune to get my chompers round.  Disappointed or disappointing? Will have to hope for another trip some time in the future.....
• Built-1897
• Did You Know?- Has hosted a record 55 FA Cup semi-finals
• Visited By- Euro Bri, El Grande Queso, Crespo, Funky, Big Al, Helmet, Geester, Jamon and Malccy
• Rating- Field of Dreams- My suspicion is this actually a grade higher, but as outlined above, I don't think I have had the pleasure of the full Villa match day experience. if I do, I shall revisit this post, and make the necessary amendments.

Killer Keisters

 England in January.  This week just gone it's gone from Arctic snows, via freezing fog to a horrible squally rain.  A night to make one long for summer.  So to try and brighten my spirits, a couple of shots that bring to mind the lovely sunshine that is still a few months off.....

Of course come the days of summer I will probably be moaning about the hay fever and all the fat chicks wearing next to nothing, thinking they look like the hotties above, but that my friends is for another day.  All that's left is this weeks G.A.S..

Injury Hit MoFo Beaten

This will have to be brief, as I have only just remembered I hadn't posted last weeks, as I am about to set off for this weeks.  The JMF got off to a flier, six goals up in no time, but instead of slipping to yet another butt fucking, we began to fight back.  So well, that we made up the deficit, and then some, going in front.  It was all shaping up to be a titanic tussle, when alas, Dead Eye pulled up with some old man type injury.  He was fine one minute, and then, with no one any where near him, he collapsed in a heap, clutching his back.  (I personally think it was from carrying Jamon for so long) This kind of killed the game a bit.  The shirt lifters did put up a fight, but in the end we ran out comfortable winners.  All square.


2013 Standings

JMF- 1

Euro-1

Draw- 0

Villains 2 Bantams 1

Something happened last night, that last occurred 102 years ago. That is before the Titanic sank. Before the first shots of the First World War were fired. Charlie Chaplain was the world's biggest movie star, and Scott perished in Antarctica as Amundsen becomes the first man to reach the South Pole. It is 1911, the last time Bradford City FC reach a cup final. Till now.

The first half did not bode well for the Bantams, as Villa bombarded the city goal from the first whistle. Playing in gold, the Bradford lads looked nervous, and on 20 minutes they went one up. A second goal looked inevitable, and the away team did well to make the break only a goal down. Everything pointed to an easy Villa win, and the end of the glory run to Wembley.

But the City manager must have given the mother of all team talks, as the lads came out for the second half transformed. The nerves looked to have settled, and the boys in gold started to gain a foothold in the game. A corner earned. The set play had proved Villas Achilles heel in the first leg, and we waited in anticipation. It was forced out for another. And then it happened. Local lad James Hanson was left unmarked, and his header crashed into the back of the net. Delirium in the away end, and the home team crumbled. A defender just flicked one away from Hanson, and Thompson hit the cross bar, as Villa looked beat. Of course, this being Bradford, a late Villa goal left us suffering palpitations for the last four minutes, but the defense held tight and history was made.....

Hot Dog Rating- Sold out of Balti pies! Had to make do with a hot dog instead. Which was fecking awful.  El Queso gave it a 5 out of ten, but that must have been because he was hungry.  Myself? I would give it a one.  Tasteless, £3.10 and served luke warm. It gains it's solitary point due it being served in a decent-ish baguette style bun. Woeful.  1/10






Kev Watch- Due to ticketing difficulties, our lanky hero was sat/stood, in a totally different stand to us.  As you can see from my blurry photo, it was nigh on impossible to pick him out.  So I shall just go on instinct for this section.  I reckon he whined throughout the first half, and then sang his heart out for the majority of the second.  Going to give him another 100/10

K-K-K-K-Killer Keisters

In homage to the wintery conditions blasting through this neck of the woods, a Killer Keister with a snow theme. Hope they don't get chapped cheeks.....

Le Grande Buffoon 2013

As you are all well aware, the maillot jaune was left unworn last year. A failure on my behalf to keep tabs on the various shenanigans committed throughout 2012, meant any awarding of the Jersey would have been unfair. This year, however, I believe I have come up with a fool proof method of both reporting and scoring. A league of extraordinary gentlemen has been assembled to undertake all things buffoon. It is mixture of former winners, and perennial contenders, who shall hold forth, in a secret society, that shall concern itself solely with picking the worthy recipient on an annual basis. All points awarded, and a league table will be made available on this blog. It is via this medium that any appeals can be raised, however the double jeopardy rule will still apply (ie doubling of points for failed appeals). May the best buffoon prevail.

2013 Agenda

Right, a New Year spreads out before us, what mischief can we get up to?  The agenda shall be changed throughout the year, but all ready we have got several irons in the fire, and even a couple of definites.  So get out your diaries, and take some notes.....

BOOKED

2/2/13  Fleetwood/Blackpool
A trio of birthdays fall around this jaunt. Crespo, helmets and most importantly Funky's, who hits the 40 milestone.  It coincides with the Mighty bantams visit to Fleetwood town, so an Away Day as well.  Most of the Bender will take place in Blackpool afterwards.  Not my favourite place in the world, but it's been a while since I have been, so what the Hell.  It's not where you are, it's who you are with.

27/9/13  Munich Oktoberfest
After five years, it's a return to the worlds biggest beer festival, and once again another member reaches 40.  This time it is Geevers, who was held captive by a nefarious M.R.S. operative, this time he is free.  Should be a good one, but places are filling up fast. Only two definite spots left......

Perennials

11/5/2013
It's fallen off the radar a bit over the last few tears.  I took it abroad this year, to Tiffin, Ohio, where myself, Big Al, Scully and a confused gaggle of locals got wankered watching Chelsea beat the bin dippers. Believe it or not, this will be the 13th time we have gone out on a bender, by far the longest running annual Bender.  Will throw out a few ideas as to where we catch it nearer the time.

14/9/13
We had such a jolly time this year, it would be rude not to do it again. In fact the general consensus is that it should become an annual  affair. This year we should do the first Saturday, as the second one is a little to close to our Munich jaunt.  A good time to get together and make some plans.

Fingers Crossed?

24/2/13
The date of the League Cup final (Capital One Cup this year) and a certain team is only 90 minutes from running out onto the hallowed turf of Wembley.  I will not jinx it, by naming said team, or making plans and tempting providence, but this time next week our annual London shindig could be getting booked, and by crikey, it would be one for the ages.....

Any More, for Any More.....

Of course there will be several other occasions that crop up. It would be nice to say that several spontaneous shindigs will spring up out of the blue, but as the Squad has aged these have become all but extinct.  Jobs, wives and kids pretty much mean that all of our Benders now need planning out with military precision.  Saying that, the year has got off to a pretty good start.  Lets hope it continues.

JMF Open Account

Well the change in teams didn't stop the MoFo rent boys from winning, but it wasn't the paggering we have been subject too lately either.  I made it a three goal defeat, which after previous games, is a step in the right direction.  the Mercenary returned to the side of Righteousness, with jimmy going in the other direction.  The agreement is to give it a few weeks, but a win steak is much needed, as queen bitch Jamons smugness is getting a little bit painful now.

2013 Standings

JMF- 1

Euro- 0

Draw- 0

Bantams 3 Villans 1

Due to a change of work shifts, and the ineptitude of the performances that were being provided, i gave up my season ticket a couple of seasons ago.  The style of football being played was so woeful, that last season I managed to drag myself down for two games, both of which confirmed my reasons for spending my Saturdays doing better things, such as washing my hair. This season, however, I began hearing that the Mighty Bantams were actually starting to play some decent football, and results began to bear this out.  But then I started to convince myself that I was the jinx, and the moment I set foot inside Valley parade, the players would all revert to turnips, and I would spend the first half wishing I had stayed in the Beehive. Then they went and did something unheard of.  They went on a cup run. Granted it wasn't the FA Cup, but it was the League Cup, which isn't some tin pot lower league bean fest, but a proper cup, with the winner getting a spot in the Europa League no less.  The quarter final draw looked to be the end of the road however, as we drew Arsenal at home.  Figuring we would lose any way, I decided to break my football fast.  And what a difference a season makes.  Passes that went to players in the same shirt.  There wasn't blind panic when in possession and the big hoof up front was scarcely seen.  And it was the team in Claret and Amber that was playing it.  Yes they rode their luck, but when the Gunners were vanquished via a penalty shoot out, it was a victory earned rather than stolen.

Villa in the two legged semi-final was up next, and the title of this post tells you everything you need to know.  I will leave the match report to the folk that get paid for it, because if you are a City fan you have probably read every review of the game you could lay your hands on.  For my two pence all I can say is what a match.  There were times during the promotion campaign in 98-99, where we outplayed teams, and won by some handsome margins.  The two years in the Premier League provided some memorable moments (defeating Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool amongst them).  But last night topped them all for me.  Ninety minutes away from a proper cup final.  Dare to dream.......

Crespo Watch- What a difference 90 minutes make.  prior to the game he seemed a bit off himself. Long day at work and all that.  But by the ned?  If there was a happier man in West Yorkshire I would be surprised.  For all you folk out there who don't like football, I would recommend giving him a wide berth, as until this odyssey is over, you aint going to hear anything else out of him.  As the old saying goes, the sun shines on every dogs arse once in a while.  1000/10 

New Year, New Start????

Hello strangers, it's been a while.  2012 was a hectic arse time at the back end for me, so I put the blog on ice, and made a New Year resolution to try and get it back up and running for 2013.  Of course another thing that has prevented me doing a lot of posting is the lack of stuff to post about, as the Bender Squad is getting a tad grey these days.  the last couple of years has seen some of the biggest stalwarts fade away, and the lack of new blood has told.  Of course we all have our mid life crisis's hoving into view, and combined with our bambinos getting older, we could be in for something of a renaissance in the upcoming years.  Of course a government that stopped taxing the ass of f all the things that go towards making a great Bender, it would help out no end, as to be honest, it has become a pretty expensive hobby.  In fact the ludicrous prices they charge in some European countries have made them as appealing as heading to Afghanistan for a knees up.  So my prediction for 2013, unfortunately, is more of the same.  So I am going to try some different threads over the next twelve months to help keep the blog going till such a time as it can revert to it's original purpose.

Of course I am going to try and keep some old favourites on the go.  I know the reporting on the tussle down the Wood is for a pretty niche part of the Squad, but it is something I can post on weekly, and tends to motivate me to get something on here.  for posterity, I sadly have to report that the nefarious JMF romped away the Wood Championship 2012.  Injuries, and huge change in personnel for the Righteous euro boys, left the sides some what lopsided.  This is being addressed tonight, as the new campaign kicks off with a shake up the teams.

Another regular, and popular, thread has been Le Grand Buffoon, honouring the biggest eegit of the year with not so coveted Maillott Jaune, and an inscription on the Roll of Dishonour.  So who was the recipient for 2012?  I couldn't honestly name a winner, information was sketchy, and so little time spent together no real consensus could be arrived at.  John the Don, you dodged a bullet......  To make it easier to collate information, I am considering setting up a Facebook group, so that stupidity can posted quickly, and at the closing date of every October the 31st, can be judged fairly and scored correctly.

I am hoping for a change in shift patterns at work this year, which could also mean (fingers crossed) i get more opportunity to watch the Bantams.  Also remaining will be Killer Keisters, as it does help to drive traffic through the site.  Which only leaves me to wish you all.....

HAPPY NEW REAR!!!!!!!!!