Crespo Hood and his Merry Men

As the League Two season gets down to the nitty gritty. Crespo is ferrying Friar Euro and Little Shotgun down to Nottingham, as the Mighty Bantams look to bounce back from last weeks beating, by turning over the Magpies at Meadow Lane. Three points are essential against the Worlds oldest professional football team, if we are to keep up our hopes of an automatic promotion place. Of course while we are in this neck of the woods, it would be rude not to take a detour via the UK's only Hooters. Hurrah! There will be an Away Day post to follow, along with the usual match report, featuring a County pie rating. Mmmmmmm...Pie.

A Trip with the M.R.S. ??

A recent post of mine was commented on by an unknown member of the nefarious collective known as the M.R.S. It appears that in one of my less sober moments, I announced that it would be cool to arrange a shindig that could be attended by both the members of the Mean Repressive Spouses and the heroic collective of the Bender Squad. And now, in the cold light of day, and with not an ounce of alcohol running through my veins, I reiterate that we should do it. Of course financially it may have to be a weekend somewhere within the UK, but as this is the first time any such operation has taken place, it might prove to be the best plan of action, a dummy run if you please. If it all goes tits up, or if a relationship bites the bullet, whilst on our jolly, at least travelling back to your home will be an option. If it were to be a success, and I cannot see why it wouldn't, then we can cast our gaze further a field, towards the continent, or perhaps even the USA.

So, first we need a destination, and secondly a time. My suggestion for a date would be in August, I know it is during the school holidays, but if we are to partay on these green and pleasant lands. This could be extended into September, but we are starting to get into football season by then, and although we love you all dearly, you ain't footie. So August is it. My suggestion would from the Friday the 11th to Sunday, or possibly Monday the 13/14th. That's the date settled. Next up a place. My personal choice would be Edinburgh, although London is also a good choice. Remember we need something to do apart from just boozing. Secondary places that might be worthwhile, but would suit just an overnighter, are Whitby, Newcastle, Cardiff or Durham. Of course these are just my suggestions, anybody who has another idea, let me know.

Another Beating

Yet another injury has struck the JMF, this time team captain Jamon, out for four weeks, joining the long term absent King Dave. So the Gaylords have had yet another ringer drafted in, this time Clogs. Now I am not saying that this is the only reason we lost, but even the one eyed Funky conceded the teams were uneven to say the least. You wouldn't have guessed by the opening skirmish's, as after 15 minutes we had managed to take the lead, running out to a 4-0 lead, before the turn of the third keeper. The Right honourable Shoutster was by no means to blame for all that came after, but his first touch was an awful kick out straight to Dead Eye who opened the MoFo account. So it's now 4-1 and we have played over a quarter of the game, nothing to much to worry about, you'd think. Wrong. Within 10 minutes we were losing 10-5, and the rest of the evening just kept going down hill for the Righteous Elite. I hold my hands up for giving away a fistful of goals, one or two quite spectacularly so, but I was not alone in my charity, the rest of the team contributed there own little pearls along the way. I have no idea what the final total was, the last count I remember had us down by 12 goals, but we shouldn't have to face such a lopsided team again. Well maybe not. Thank God we still have plenty of time to pull ourselves round.


Line-ups;

JMF- Clogs, Young Gaz, Lukelear, Funky and Dead Eye

EURO E- Shouty, Two Scoops, Crespo, Euro Bri and Shotgun

2009 Season

• JMF wins - 5



• Euro Elite - 1



• Draws - 1

Flat Pack Furniture-Toy of Satan

Is there anything on this planet that is more soul destroying than flat pack furniture?? You bust your hump all week, and look forward to your day off, peace and quiet, and a little me time. But what's this? A hall full of odd shaped cardboard boxes, propped menacingly against the wall. A clearing made in the front room, and instead of the telly being tuned into the footie, it is off, yanked by the plug. Are those tools I see on the table. A Stanley knife, assorted screw drivers and a hammer. I break for the door, but it is locked, the keys hidden from view. Pin pricks of sweat form at my brow, as I slowly turn to be confronted by the Elster, her face contorted in a gruesome smile, and I now know my day of rest and relaxation is not to be.....

Who writes the instruction manuals for these things? What the Fuck is a half crest locking screw? Are you sure that goes there? Why are all these screws left over? It doesn't look much kike the picture on the box? If that's not bad enough, you get all the panels and pieces put together, all ready for the doors. But what's this? You have only gone and put one of the panels in upside down! Arrrrgghhhhhh!!!! Back to square one, again.

It is for this reason that I am consigning IKEA to my "Tesco" list of establishments of evil. There may be other shops and stores selling the stuff (I think the Elster got hers at Argos), but I consider this company to be the flag bearers of the cursed flat pack. How many weekends have been ruined, or marriages destroyed? Millions I Bet. So I leave you, and return to my house of cabinets that have doors that won't close, and wardrobes that lean further than the tower of Pisa itself. Of cupboards full of unused screws, and garages stuffed with used packaging. I curse you all, manufacturers of these Toys of Satan.

Monday be McEuro Day.........

Yarrrrggggghhhhh, ye sponge bathin' prawn shellers, i be returned from yet another voyage of cholesterol. I know it has been a while, and me last poser was never answered, but I am back, me arteries laden with fat, and me belly full of fries. The last time I be seein' ye, me cookin' wench, the Elster be the one askin' where she be, twas McBlackpool, and that was that. I be runnin' low on fillet of fishies, so i been sailing the seven seas to gather more McSpots. This week is a toughie, it be a dark night, and me McShip be battered by McFreezing winds that cut like steel, peventing me weighing McAnchor so i can be captured for McPosterity proudly displayin' me girth as I McSampled some McTasty treat. I can't be remembering the last doubloon count, so I be starting the McBiddin at a crisy Deep sea McDiver, or five McDoubloons fer the hard of thinking. That is if any of ye land lubbers can McGuess;

Where be McEuroooooo?

Double Trouble

The bantams und Der Lowen matched each other this weekend. Both got turned over 4:1 away from home. Not good, especially for TSV, who now hover just five points above the relegation zone, and a massive 13 off the promotion places. The opposite applies to the Bantams, still very much in the hunt for promotion, but with two key players injured, one out for the season. I am one of those who consider Omar Daley to be one of our best players, and it will be interesting to see what all his knockers have to say now that they have their Colbeck wish. Joe is a good honest player, but is not fit to lace Daleys boots. Also struggling for fitness is the keeper, Evans, and we have no back up. A few of us are heading to Nottingham this weekend, and it is really a must win game, if we are not to lose touch with the top three. Win or lose, in Hooters we will booze. As for Der Lowen, next up is a tricky fixture against the pirates of St Pauli, who are on a decent run, and pushing for a top three place themselves. It is looking like our trip to the Allianz to say them play Osnabruk, is going to be a real six pointer, the visitors occupying the place of third to bottom at the moment.

Beer du Monde: Eiken Artois

Inspired by the Ukrainian brew sampled last week, I have decided on a new thread, Beer du Monde. Geevers gave me the name, and the idea is to sample brews from around the globe, trying to find the ultimate ale. To do this I will run a separate thread, starting soon, Battle of the brews, to determine the champion, as voted by the readers of this humble blog.

But first up, or second if you include the unpronounceable beer rating posted last week, a new lager that caught my eye as I picked up some milk in the local Co-Operative. Yes, I go via the beer aisle. I spotted new addition to the Artois family, Eiken Artois, a lager aged in oak barrels no less. It is not as strong as it's wife beating brother, but at 4.6%, more than just a cooking lager. Four bottles, nicely packaged, as you can see in the photo, cost £2.39, a very reasonable price. On pouring, it has a darker tint than lager, not dissimilar to the colour of your first piss after a heavy session. The taste is smooth, and slightly mellower than most lagers, with a pleasant after taste. Not bad at all, and well above average. In fact, I reckon it would make a decent session beer. With it being new, I can't vouch for it's hangover rating, but all the same, I am going to giver it a respectable 6.5/10.

Are Faggots Meatballs??

No, I am not enquiring as to whether the JMF are in fact made out spices and meats, but wondering if an old traditional English dish qualifies, in our Quest for the Holy Meatball. It can be purchased as frozen, and t'internet is full of recipes, but I am loathe to sample them. For a start, this is one of those Ye Olde Engalnd dishes, that more than likely earned this country it's, to my mind unfair, reputation for awful grub. It is made form pig. Not pork or bacon, but pig. It has pigs heart, brain, fat and pig scraps (???) as it's main ingredients, a fact that hardly gets the old taste buds watering. Elster, has tried them a long time ago, and says they are not bad. Her ex-husband loved faggots, pictured to the right, which is why she left him for me. Boom boom.... Anyway, the Elster cannot be considered a connoisseur of the savoury spheres, so I am looking for a hardened M'ball lover, blessed with a stomach of cast iron, to try them out. Tony Helmet, I am looking to you to sacrifice your taste buds for the greater cause.

There is also some news from the once beloved Subway. They are doing the Meatbll marinara at a special £1.79 in aid of Comic Relief. I have no idea if they are still limiting them to three M'balls however, this is a job for Sprocket, as until I have cast iron proof that they have reverted to their former portions, I shall not be darkening there doorstep.

Speaking of Sprocket, he found a Meatball deal in his local freezer food store. Well his missus did anyway. Three Birds Eye Spaghetti and meatballs for £3. He comments "I have to say they are rather tasty and a well above average 8 out of ten, meaty balls(unfortunately non spicy) and a rather tasty tomato based sauce, 6 minutes in the micro from frozen for a quick snack, highly recommended." I thought the 8/10 was a high mark, which he stated was for value. If the Candia is a 9/10, his true rating would be a five. The Quest continues................

New Widget

I have got a new thingy-me-bob on the blog. It is a chat box, and I got it as part of a deal for my flag counter, so I will try it out for a year. Please stick something in it, just so I can see it is up and running properly. Over the last couple of months I have been getting a bit slack on keeping up to the old "Euro Bri" sight, and hope to get back on track, particularly with the McEuro, Stop the Nonsense, Gender or Bender and Away Day threads. My plan is to assign an evening to each through the week. Some threads will remain sporadic, such as Le Grande Buffoon or Simon Knows, as they can only be reported on as they happen.

Elite Slide Further into the Mire

It is not quite panic stations yet, but something is not right with the Euro boys. Yet another lacklustre start saw us six down before we had even broke sweat. This was after JMF queen Jamon had limped off with a pulled muscle in his leg, before we had even started. I reckon it is all that power mincing he does. An extremely late replacement was required, and a big, neigh huge, thank you goes out to the good Dr Shotgun, who dragged himself off his sofa to answer the call. Off to a late start, Dead Eye wasted no time, as reported above, smashing in goal after goal, as the Righteous just milled around and let him have all the space he required. We roused our selves to the challenge, at last, but all night it was stop start, and we never got within six of their total at any given time. Shots were wasted, tackles missed and passes went astray, to hand the MoFo a most comprehensive of wins. It really pains me to say this, but they are on top of their game at the moment, and we just can't seem to get anything going at all. Individually we are definitely a match fro the shirt lifters, and there is no lack of effort, but we have absolutely no rhythm at the moment, and if we don't get it started soon, I fear we could be playing catch up on a rather substantial lead. It is early in the Wood season, however, and once we find some form, we will start making more of a match of it. next week the Shotgun reverts to the side of good, and we await an injury update from the MoFo as to the seriousness of Jamon pulled sphincter, I mean leg muscle.

Line-ups;

JMF- Dr Shotgun, Young Gaz, Lukelear, Funky and Dead Eye

EURO E- Shouty, Two Scoops, Clogs, Euro Bri and Mercenary

2009 Season

• JMF wins - 4



• Euro Elite - 1



• Draws - 1

Bantams 0 Quakers 0

An abridged version of events, as it is late, and I am tired. Boulding missed in the first half, and Thorne hit the bar. Second half, Darlington were better, good save from Evans at the death. Boring game. Daley injured, stretchered off, a worry. Pie- Steak and Kidney, chop sauce. Nice. Baz- got ten minutes, ran around, average. Matt Clarke my man of the match for his last ditch tackles. Moved downm a place, next up Barnet away. Good night.

Ukranian Brew

A good deed just before Christmas was rewarded. I helped this Ukrainian geezer out, and as an extra thank you, he gave me a bottle of his native beer, which posses a name beyond my comprehension. But he warned me in a chillingly thick Eastern European accent, not unlike Count Dracula's, "Be very careful, it is strong beer!!!" Now we are all aware of the stereotypical Russkie, blasted out of his mind on a local brew made from plutonium, so I stashed it at the back of the fridge, out of sight. But it has been a skinny month work wise, so last Thursday I took the plunge. It was in a litre bottle made of plastic (?), and when I unscrewed the cap, I expected a plume of toxic gas to shoot forth. But it didn't. I tried a mouthful. My eyesight remained unimpaired, and I was still standing in an upright position. It tasted pretty good as well. In fact, it could have done with a bit more kick than it possessed. My conclusion? Ukrainians must think we are bunch of Nancy boy shandy drinkers! It was a pleasant enough brew, a nice taste, but lacking in fizz (that could be down to the fact it was hid behind a jar of beetroot for over two months). I would drink it again, but it doesn't figure amongst my favourite brews, by a long shot. I would give it a just above average 5.5/10.

Simon Knows......

This is a new thread, one which reports the bold statements given forth by Simon, also known as Lincoln. I was going to call it "Simon Says", but he corrected me, and demanded it be called "Simon Knows" and if you know him, you wouldn't be arsed arguing either. He first came to prominence when he stated you could see Lincoln Cathedral from atop Queensbury, a small village that lies between Bradford and Halifax, for those not in the know. Check the distance on Google Earth. Anyway, that story is old hat, and you can't have a regular post spouting the same story, so it gives be great pleasure to relay his latest gem. For some reason we were discussing Iranian stand up comedians, as you do, when he declared that Nick Hancock, formerly of the panel show "They think it's all over" was half Iranian. Now the fact that Mr Hancock is about as Iranian as George W Bush, carried no truck with Simon. He based his "fact" on a report that he did for the BBC during the 1998 world cup, focusing on the USA versus Iran group game. In Simon's mind this qualifies him as a bona fide Iranian. Ayatollah Hancock. Indeed. I wait with baited breath the next pearl of wisdom.

Bantams 1 Chairboys 0

Three wins in a row, and we are now firmly back in the hunt for automatic promotion. This game was an excellent test of our credentials, Wycombe were runaway leaders at Christmas, and although they remain above us in the league, second to our fifth, they are now only two points ahead (albeit with a game in hand). The match started out brightly enough, we had the better of the early play, but Wycombe play pretty good football for this level, and should have been ahead, Furman clearing a header off his own line. Combine that with a fair penalty shout, and an absolute sitter that was spurned, we could have been a couple of goals down before we took the lead. A quick break, the ball worked out wide, and a good cross found Thorne in space, but he moved the ball out wide to Jones, who smashed a shot into the top corner at the near post. I thought he sliced his shot, but they all count. If he did mean it, what a goal. The second half was a good, both teams making chances, but the game was sealed in the with 15 minutes left, when Chris Zebroski of the Wanderers was shown a straight red, for a challenge that bordered on assault. He steamed into Matt Clarkes chest with his boot. Only the Shoutster thought it wasn't that bad of a challenge. Must have forgotten his contact lenses. With the opposition down to ten men, gaps were left at the back. Law, Colbeck and Thorne all fluffed easy chances to extend the lead. It was a good performance, but results in other games did us no favours. Brentford remain five points ahead of us at the top of the table, but we do have a game in hand on them, and play them in April. Unfortunately for me, that's the weekend we are in Munch. C'est la vie. Next up is Darlington on Tuesday night. They are four points behind us, and outside the playoff places, but have three games in hand. A win will see us leap frog Bury into third place.

Baz Watch- Warmed the bench for the full 90 minutes. Sported a rather natty blue beanie hat whilst doing his warm up runs. Will struggle to get back into the team if they keep playing this well.

Pie Rating- I had pie, as did Shouty and Lincoln, but I forgot to get any marks off them. So this week it's Big Phil who steps into the breech, with a healthy alternative to the no doubt bad for you pie. He gave his half time apple an 8/10.

Stuff the Crunch

You only live once don't you? So with this in mind, and with a prompt, via e-mail from Expedia, I went trip shopping. The intention was just to tease my self with the places I couldn't afford to visit. But there it was. Flights and accommodation to my favourite destination, Munich, in April, on the same weekend as a TSV 1860 home game, for three nights, a cut price £230. Sprocket was up for it, and it tied in nicely for Crespo and Shouty, so job done. It would be nice to see some more Squad members sign on. Alas, I cannot fund it on my plastic any longer. Anybody who is interested please contact me, and I will point you in the right direction, ie hotel and flight we are taking. The more the merrier. I do appreciate that times are tough, but if you can afford it, what's stopping you? This is not the only trip I am planning this year, I would like to try and make to Edinburgh some where along the line, and as always, I am open to suggestion.

Nail Biter

Something happened down the Wood last night that hasn't been witnessed for over a year. Stalemate. You would not have guessed it, the way the mighty Elite played the first thirty minutes indicated a heavy defeat, something reflected in the score at the halfway point, 11-5 to the shirt lifting JMF. They were running rampant, and a spanking looked to be fair set. But from out of no where we started to find a bit of form. Complacency also started to creep into the MoFo ranks, and with the clock running down, Dr Shotgun pulled us to within a score, soon after provided by Clogs. Jamon went into melt down, and play became tense on both sides. With only a few minutes remaining, somebody was set to be the hero, and another the goat. But we got one for the price of two. Two Scoops decided to try and skin Jamon on the edge of his own area, and gave the ball away, tackled him, gave it away again, tackled him, and then teed him up for what seemed to be a winner. He looked around for somebody to blame, but all fingers were firmly pointed in his direction. But redemption was around the corner. I picked the ball up deep in my own half, and spied an unmarked Scoops all alone in acres of space. The pass was precise, and with only Funky to beat, he stopped dead on the spot. He then waited for the aforementioned Funkster, to close down the angles, and then shot against his legs. All seemed lost, but fortune smiled on him as the rebound fell kindly back at his feet. The whole court held their breathe as instead of applying the coup de grace, he did a strange pirouette, followed by a shimmy, before he struck the ball goal ward. His strange dance mystified Funky, who could only watch as the ball dribbled in for the equaliser. All square at the bell. Even I am not sure how we manged to avoid defeat.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Young Gaz, Lukelear, Funky and Dead Eye

EURO E- Shouty, Two Scoops, Clogs, Euro Bri and Dr Shotgun

2009 Season

• JMF wins - 3



• Euro Elite - 1



• Draws - 1

McWhy?

McFlurries. Some are great, and some suck. What I don't understand though, is why do they run the good limited editions during the coldest time of the year? At the moment it is the truckers favourite, the McYorkie. Sounds good doesn't it? But during the coldest snap in over a decade, you hardly want to scarf down the coldest known substance to man, do you? But come Easter time, when the clocks have gone the right way, and the sun actually begins to feel warm again, what do the launch, every year with out fail? The snot flavoured McCreme Egg! Do you know anyone who actually enjoys eating these egg shaped "treats?" Me neither. Another one is the McQuality Street. Bleeech! For every good one, their seems to be ten coffee or strawberry ones. Anther summer edition last year was the McCornetto. An ice cream flavoured ice cream! Yet this winter alone has seem the lovely toffee crisp and Terrys chocolate orange be wasted. I know you are a clown Ronald, but sort it out! And while your at it, bring back root beer. I may be the only person in the United kingdom who likes the stuff, but it is me, McEuro! Have a heart.....

By the way I aim to get "Where be McEuro" back up and running. I have run out of worthy pics to post. Yarrrghhhh!!!

The Week in Nonsense

I know it has been a while since I posted one of these threads, but it has been an excellent week for utter tosh. First up a couple of items concerning the credit crunch. After bailing out the banks with untold BILLIONS of POUNDS of YOUR money, supposedly to help the banks start lending again, comes the news that one of the rescued companies, HBOS, is using a cool one billion pounds worth of your hard earned to pay out huge bonuses to the people who got themselves into the mess in the first place. It seems the incompetents who put together the rescue packages, forgot to stipulate that there would be no money unless the banks gave up their ludicrously high bonus packages. Well Mr Bank of Scotland, whoever you may be, please enjoy the fruits of my toil, your reward for doing such a piss poor job in the first place. If that wasn't enough to take the breath away was the next little nugget to come up concerning the financial turmoil we are living through at the moment. The main financial reporter of the BBC, Robert Peston, was called before a Parliamentary council to give evidence about his conduct during the early days of the Crunch. It seemed they were trying to attach some blame to him, for reporting that it was happening. Amazing.

On to some quality grade A, uncut Colombian pure nonsense now. Some geezer called Lord Turner, the chairman of the Committee on Climate Change, has put forward an idea that we should all be limited too 2 "social" flights a year. We would no doubt be given rationing books, put on a government data base, costing something like a gazillion pounds, to make sure the great unwashed couldn't get away from this country more than once a year. I believe they are piloting a similar scheme in North Korea.

Lastly this week a story picked up from Australia, that ties in with the Carrol Thatcher gaffe from earlier in the week, concerning everybody's favourite rabble rouser Jeremy Clarkson. There have been calls for him to be sacked from the BBC for stating that Gordon Brown was a "One eyed, Scottish Idiot." This of course offended the partially sighted, people north of the border and just about every Labour politician you could shake a stake at. There is only one problem. Mr Brown is indeed one eyed. He does in fact hail from North of the English border, and is without a question of a doubt a bona fida buffoon. To be offended by Mr Claksons comment is akin to being offended by calling Jezza a balding, English blow hard. To all those who disagree, grow up.

I hope to resurrect this thread on a weekly basis, as these difficult times to be gravy days for the supposed great and good to spout their stupidity. Feel Free to check out our fledgling political arm, Stop the Nonsense at http://www.stopthenonsense.org.uk/

Stop The Nonsense!!!!

Der Lowen Draw

After going down by two goals, TSV 1860 recovered to earn a draw away at FSV Mainz 05, with second half goals from Schäffler and Lauth. The point earned keeps Der Lowen rooted securely in mid table, a hefty 10 points adrift of the promotion places. Next up is Rot-Weiß Ahlen, a couple of places above, and four points ahead. Better news is a possible plan to go and see the Mighty Lions in April. I have found three members willing to join me, and the game we have in mind is the home fixture against Osnabruk in early April. The price is right, and it is probably the last chance we will get to see them this season. There are six games between then and now, so it would be nice to see them string some results together and make a run at the leaders. Fingers crossed.

Bender Crunch

Ouch! The lack of money floating around is starting to really bite. First casualty of 2009 is the Oktoberfest. To be fair it isn't just down to money. An excursion of such magnitude needs military style planning, and you have to be out of the blocks quick. We were neither this year, and as a result, all the economy hotels and flights have been snapped up by more eager imbibers than our good selves, leaving us with the pricier range of hotel, or staying outside of Munchen. Flights had also rocketed, so an executive decision has been made to forgo for this year. Perhaps 2010, if we can get everything in order. This doesn't mean we have totally given up on a foreign jaunt. We have options later in the tear, and I am, as we speak checking out the bargain bins at on-line travel sites to see if a bargain can be bagged. I am checking out Munich, Milan and perhaps somewhere on the Iberian peninsula.

Just in case though, we have a couple of contingency plans. Dependant on where the mighty Bantams finish the season, there could be another London trip in the offing. Closer to home, on the Good Friday, we have an Away Day at Morecambe, which should be worth a stop over, and shouldn't trouble the old bank account. Staying within the United Kingdoms borders, there is the perennial almost city of Edinburgh, a place we always "almost" get around to visiting. This could be that year. As it stands, that is about that. There is but one 40th this year, and it belongs to Jamon, who as we all know is serving a life sentence in solitary at a maximum security location in Riddlesden. There is a stag night in the offing however, as Plus 1, takes the plunge. The problem is though his betrothed says he cannot go anywhere she hasn't been. Seeing as she has only been to Poland and Wakefield, it leaves only a couple of options.

This doesn't mean there will not be Benders a plenty. We are considering resurrecting the Pirate shindig, and there are plenty of things to do locally, so there is no fear of us going dry. Remember, every pint bought is money going back in to the economy, so let's drink our way out of this recession.

Should Have Gone to Spec Savers

Yet another win for the JMF in 2009, as the Myopic Euro boys head off to the local opticians to have their eyes tested. With every single member of the Elite in full Stevie Wonder mode, the last thing needed was a piss poor start, which is exactly what we had. Five nil down in double quick time, it took us about a quarter of an hour to break our duck Dr Shotguns shooting was way off, he seemed to be playing with a balloon, and the rest of us soon followed suit, shooting high wide and handsome, and finding a red shirt with just about every pass. (For those of you who are not aware the accursed Gaylord JMF wear crimson). This in turn led to much bickering, much to the glee of captain Jamon. Finally we pulled our collective fingers out of our collective arses, but still we continued to spurn chances. In the end we almost, miraculously, dug out a draw, but our wayward shooting came back to haunt us, as Gaz rattled in a couple of late goals to secure a three score victory. Everyone on the Righteous Elite agreed the ball was rubbish, and favoured the less skillful player, hence our defeat. Jamon of course is like a pig in poop at the moment, and seems to think the '09 title is already won, but there are plenty of twist and turns ahead, and I fear he is heading for a fall. The proof will be in the pudding.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Young Gaz, Lukelear, Funky and The Mercenary

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Two Scoops, Clogs, Euro Bri and Dr Shotgun

2009 Season

• JMF wins - 3



• Euro Elite - 1



• Draws - 0

Top Show !?!?!

It really is time for the licence fee to be scraped. It is bad enough we have to put up with the endless reality shows, the desperately awful Eastenders, Jonathon Ross, BBC 3, Chris Moyles and the rest. All shows and programmes paid for out mine and your pocket. And if proof was needed just how deluded the folk who run good old Auntie are, there is is this news story, posted on the BBC website, and ranked the third most important news story of the day;

Thatcher barred from top BBC show

Carol Thatcher will no longer work on The One Show after being reported for making an off-air remark, the BBC has announced.

The daughter of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher referred to a tennis player as a "golliwog" backstage during filming of the BBC One programme.

However, the 55-year-old will not be banned from the BBC as a whole.

Now forget, for a moment the actual reason for the story. Yes, it is amazing how anybody could be offended by such a comment, but a lady of Mrs Thatchers experience should really know such language won't wash at the good old Beeb. No what really caught my eye on this story was the headline. "Thatcher barred from top BBC show" Is she no longer allowed on Newsnight? Has she been barred from racing a car on Top Gear? No Strictly Come Dancing? Nope, none of the above. She is no longer welcome on the "One Show." The most pointless programme in the universe, hosted by the most pointless man in the universe, the one and, thankfully only Adrian Chiles. I cannot grasp that somebody actually thought to call this a top show. I have no doubt somebody will point out that it gets a few million viewers, but millions of people also bought the "Pipes of Peace" by Paul McCartney. It doesn't mean it's not shit. I managed to get through about ten minutes of it once, but that was down to the fact I lost all motor skills, and was unable to use the remote, having been rendered a vegetable by the ever so dull Mr Chiles. How this fella gets the gigs he does is beyond me. All I know is the BBC are getting their moneys worth. He's everywhere! What makes it worse is that he does Match of the Day 2. His 2 good, 2 bad section is truly woeful. Bring back Des Lynam say I.

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Winter Break Finally Ends

The seemingly never ending Bundesliga winter break has finally ended. A ball has not been kicked in anger for over a month. And this is what the blow hard, over opinionated, self important managers of the ever so precious English Premier League want to adopt. A whole month without football, at the crappiest time of year, when there is literally fuck all to do. Why? Because our modern day prima donna player has to play to many games. This in an age of huge squads, endlessly rotated and played on surfaces you could eat your lunch off. I bet the same idiot managers, I mean you Messrs Ferguson, Benitez and Wenger, will be bleating when the players they want to wrap in cotton wool are straight off to the nearest night club to flash their enormous wealth and pulling groins as they bone untold scores of willing slappers. A month indeed. Is it a coincidence that the leagues with no break, or at most a week and a bit off, have dominated Europe for the past decade? Apart from the UK, the Spanish and Italian top flight barely stop for breath during the miserable month of January.

Of course this meant Der Lowen of TSV 1860 Munich are back in action, and first up was a home game against top of the table Freiburg. A chance to test their mettle, and a a good gauge of what is too follow? Let's hope not, as they were soundly beaten 2:0. I fear at the least mid table mediocrity beckons. Next up is second in the table FSV Mainz. But it is not all bad news. The Lions have recruited two Serbian players, one from Fiorentina and the other from Borussia Dortmund, till the end of the season. Lets hope they can help the lads kick on, and hopefully challenge for promotion. You can check them out by clicking here, for the official Bundesliga web site.

Buffoon Blizzrad

This weekend didn't just see snow fall, but there was a flurry of buffoonery to match. Ninety nine percent of it was down to one fella, current champion the Right Honourable Shouty. It was Crepos birthday, and we were out to celebrate on the Saturday night, and the Shoutster was up for it from the off. He didn't even make the end of the match, disappearing down the bars of Lumb Lane with Lincoln, with over half an hour still left to be played. Most of what happened next is reported by the man himself, but his first point came when he bellowed something about wanking at the top of his voice to an quiet train. The rest come after he refused to get into a taxi as we got ready to leave Headingley sometime around midnight. He said he still had enough drinking left in him, and scampered off into the night. From what we can gather, he found his way into a night club, lost his jacket, fell asleep in a corner. When he awoke, and left the club, he thought he was in Bradford and got lost. In the freezing cold, minus he misplaced jacket. He finally figured out he was in Leeds, a long way from home, and short of taxi fare. He made his way to the train station, to find he had over an hour to kill before the earliest train. He skulked into McDonald's and settled down for a kip, much to the annoyance of the on duty manager, who summoned the transport police. They threatened to arrest him, which he said "Fine, at least I'll be warm" but they changed their mind and left him to shiver on the platform. I score all this tom foolery with a knobhead, a muppet, an eejit and a fuck wit, for a grand total of 13 points, shooting him up the league.

But he is not alone. Step forward Tony Helmet, who went to great lengths to sort out a few beers for his own birthday, only to get so shit faced the previous night, that he was still in bed with a hangover at gone four o'clock in the afternoon. Add to this his now signature "Yyyyouuu Shhhhhhhhutttttt uuuupppppppppp!!!!" at the top of his voice, a move that saw politely removed from a drinking establishment in the genteel borough of Haworth. I score this as a couple of muppets, a tally of 4 points. Battle has well and truly been engaged.

There may be some more points to be added, as the Shoutster was last seen preparing to hit the Tramshed for grab a grannie, sorry singles night. I tried to find out what he got up to today, but his phone was switched off, which doesn't bode well. See below for the updated standings;

1. Shouty 19 points
2. Helmet 14 points
3. Euro Bri 7 points
4. Crespo 4 points
5. Pembo 4 points
6. Dr Shotgun 2 points
7. Funky 1 point
8. G Spot 1 point

Bantams 2 Mariners 0

At last, a win. It should have been by several, the Mariners had a guy sent off after twenty minutes, but there were some amazing misses. Quite a few of the people sitting around us praised the Grimsby keeper for a string of "fine" saves, but apart from one, I would class them as glaring misses. Jones in particular gave the impression of not being able to kick his way out of a wet paper bag. He did score the final goal right at the death, he went around the keeper after being released by Boulding, but he cannot shoot. Time after time, he tamely shot goal wards, and his crossing is poor. Boulding hit one straight at the keeper, as did Rehman, and Jones manged to hit the post. Crespo was starting to worry that it was going to be one of those afternoons, when Nicky Law finally broke the deadlock with a quarter of an hour remaining. An above average display, Furman was excellent, against a very ordinary team. We will have to take our chances tomorrow night, when promotion rivals Darlington roll into town. A proverbial six pointer.

Baz Watch- Came on in the 89th minute, and in the limited time available, gave a vintage Baz Conlon display. Firstly he helped clear a corner. Then, deep into injury time, City broke. Colbeck drove into the penalty area, and slipped a pass through to the unmarked Bazza, in acres of space. There was nobody near him, the keeper remained rooted to his goal line as the ball came within the big Irish mans radius. He had time to light a pipe and discuss the working of the internal combustion engine with a nearby ball boy, write a letter and read War and peace twice over. All it needed was a touch, a look up, and a precision pass to the far post for a certain goal. My dear Grandmother, 88 years old, possessor of two plastic knees and a dodgy ticker could have buried this king of all sitters. But for reasons known only to himself, he kicked it first time straight at the keeper. He kind of redeemed himself, playing the pass that released Boulding to ultimately set up Jones's goal, but that miss will surely cause him a couple of sleepless nights. 3/10

Guest Rating- This week Lincoln, aka Simon, rates not a pis, nor any item of grub, but a roll up cigarette. For reasons unknown, all 92 football league clubs have outlawed smoking in stadiums. This would be a valid ruling in a a structure made of wood, but as most modern stadia are structures made of cement, concrete and steel it holds no water. That's the modern world for you I suppose. Anyway, it was hand rolled, using Golden Virgina, wrapped in a Rizzla, of the green variety, and lit with a 50p lighter. Lincoln gave it a perfect 10/10*

*this site in no way condones smoking or breaking the law, no matter how stupid.