Noodle Noel

Tis the season to be stupid, and with the festive fun truly under way, the expected avalanche of buffoon points has begun. I shall start with my good self. Anybody who has visited Bradford city centre, will be well aware of the number of pound shops that proliferate. Until this afternoon I have managed to avoid darkening the doorstep of any of these establishments, but the Elster asked me to pick up some gift tags for the Christmas presents. I went in, and was amazed at the wide spectrum of folk in there. From the gaggle of Eastern Europeans, via the subcontinent and back with a hoard of Norwegian Snow hatted locals thrown in, it was akin to a small tower of Babel. After rooting around for a spell, I discovered my quarry, and took it off to the cash till, which although long, was moving rather rapidly. Now being a pound shop virgin, I made the most rookie of mistakes. I handed the cashier my purchase and waited for what seemed an age as I awaited the price. After what seemed an eternity, he finally sighed, rolled his eyes and said "Pound please." The penny finally dropped, as it slowly dawned upon my fifty pence brain, that everything in a pound shop costs a pound. I have rated this an Eejit, worth 4 points.

Next up are two further entries, one that for legal reasons needs to be vague, and the other a hurried confession over the phone. Lets deal with the former first. It involves my dark horse prediction Crespo, and involves £40, a toilet and a flush. I was originally going to grant an award of Muppet, due to the fact that he was drunk, but have decided to upgrade it, as he was sober enough to be upset about it. Another Eejit, value four points. The award is that of Muppet, a two pointer, to perennial Noel Noodle the Funky Messiah. Yet again it involves his removal from a night club. "It didn't involve your knob again?" I enquired, but it was only for trying to sneak off from a bar without paying for your drinks, a manoeuvre that is fine and dandy when pulled off, but a sad sack buffoon move if you don't.

This is just the tip of the festive ice berg I fear, as there is much more merriment to be had. For those of you attending the footie match on the 28th, we will not now be attending the Otleyfest, which has been brought forward a day, and is now scheduled for the evening of the 27th. This means that the night after the football game is now free, and up for discussion. There is a party in the Villager, or we can make alternative arrangements, I am game for 'owt. An updated table of the race for the coveted "Maillott Jaune" can be viewed below.

1. Tony Helmet 10 points
2. Shouty 6 points
3. Euro Bri 5 points
4. Crespo 4 points
5. Pembo 4 points
6. Funky M 1 point