Killer Keisters

Ay up ass fans, apologies for my tardiness, but you don't get many fine nights in Blighty, and last night was far to nice to be stuck in front of a PC. Tonight's theme, after a fashion, is denim clad derrieres. Nice tight ones, in even tighter pants. Just like the juicy beauty above. Gotta love hot pants.... Although there's nowt wrong with tight long uns either.



Now I know the one below has Jack to with jeans, but I love a curvy arse, and this one is a curvy as you get.



Which leaves me with this weeks G.A.S. And most gratuitous it is.



Oh what the heck. One for the road.....

Karma Catcher

Now usually when I post the weekly Wood report this late it means the Righteous have been humbled. But this time it is different. I have genuinely been busy, and haven't had time. The result was in fact the opposite of what you would suspect. We whooped 'em good! In fact I think we even surprised our selves how well we performed. From the get go we were in charge, racking up a six goal lead in no time. In fact ti was too much for us to take in, and the nefarious JMF began to make in roads on our advantage. All the way back to level pegging no less, as the gloating from Jamon became almost unbearable. But once more, the team striving to recover from a a substantial deficit hit the wall. Hats off to the shirt lifters, it was a heroic effort, but they had run themselves into the ground, and the lads in white were finding their second wind. Shotgun replaced his blunderbuss with a a 50cal Intervention and the goals started to rain in. I also had my most prolific game in ages, and the ever reliable Clogs notched up a few of his own. My only concern? We used up all our goals in one evening.....

Moment of Match
Usually the comedy own goal I scored against The Octopus would win hands down. He blocked a shot, but was slow to stop it dribbling out of the area. A goal seemed certain as it fell to a random MoFoer, but I got back just in time to prevent the seemingly inevitable score with a majestic tackle. To tidy up, I passed the ball back off the wall to Big Phil. Except he was still stuck out on the edge of his area, watching the game unfold as a well placed observer, as the ball found the back of the net. But this was upstaged by the most dastardly challenge witnessed down thew Wood in eons. Child Catcher launched himself upon me in full flight, like a Bieberesc missile. No word of a lie, he actually kicked me out of the building. God only knows how I avoided injury, but I can imagine my psychotic pirouetting looked quite a sight. He made himself scarce after that, which was just as well, cause if I'd have got hold of him..... Still, what goes around comes around, and Karma has a funny way of working its self out. Post match I was sat having a beer with him, when somebody walked up behind him and started pummeling his head with punches.


JMF- Chil Catcher, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Octopus, Dr Shotgun and Dribbling Dan

2011 Season

JMF wins - 16

Euro Elite - 11


Draws - 3

Die Löwen Rekord ersten Sieg- And a Prague Bender?

After a losing start to the 2011/12 season for the Lions, a good performance in the home opener was need, and duly recorded. A 2-1 against Karlsruhr in front of 26,600 was a good result, the visitors are a recent top flight outfit, and usually challenge for promotion late into the season. Let's hope it is a sign of good things to come.

Which leads me nicely into our hoped German excursion this year. Once more funds are tight, but it has become something of a tradition over the years, and it would be nice to keep it going. Now a few of the Squad members, who aren't as keen on Der Lowen as others, have aired some opinions, of which the common theme is "Why can't we go somewhere other than Germany?" Now I have several answers to this, the main being sort your own fucking jaunt out, but I do understand that it may be time to perhaps try something different. Perhaps a trip the could combine both? On the weekend of the 25th of March next year, 1860 are playing in Dresden. I have checked the train time tables, and from Prague, it is only a two hour train journey. It is not even expensive, at the moment a return trip is coming up around £35. Sounds like a plan....

Killer Keister

Now then my assaholic followers, it's arse time yet again. This week is a bit random, but our first two lovelies are posing their posteriors in the bathroom. In fact the one below definitely qualifies as G.A.S. shot, so a Brucie bonus for all of you who like 'em up close and personal. I am thinking of you Shouty.....

Next up isn't an ass shot at all. But during my extensive research, it caught my eye, and I really liked it, so to break up the bevy of butts is this lovely little minx. Gorgeous isn't she?


But this is a thread dedicated to all things ass, so back to basics. Now our first two belong to the ample category, so for those of you who prefer the more petite is this fine filly.


As ever we end with a G.A.S. It might be quite as in yer face as our bathing beauty featured further up the page, but it is definitely Gratuitous, and it is most certainly provocative. In fact where's the Elster.......

Because my Names on it!

Now I am showing my age here big time. Back before the Health Nazis managed to infiltrate the corridors of power, cigarette advertising was allowed on billboards ( can you lads under 30 believe it!) They were witty, artistic and funny campaigns that in no way made you want to start smoking, but that is by the by. Now I was a smoker back then, and Embassy regal King Size were my brand of choice (apparently if you take out a small bank loan you can still buy them). And it was also my favourite ad campaign. It featured some generic Northerner called Reg who smoked 'em because his name was on the packet.


There was a series of Reg posters, that were most amusing, featuring our hero giving his opinion on things as varied as Modern Art and The Stock Exchange (see below)



If memory serves, he even had a brother called Al (get it) but I can't find any images of him on the old interweb. Anyway, you may well wonder where the chuff I am going with all this, and to be honest I almost plum forgot myself. Twas a picture text from me old mucker G-Spot Geevers, that got me thinking along the lines of beers that members of the Bender squad should be drinking because their name is on it. So I issue a challenge to all of you brothers out there, to find a brewski that can be associated with either your name, or preferably your Squad issued moniker. It would also be cool if we get you in the shot either drinking it, or extoling it's vitrues. a la Reg. Looks like G Spot is going to have to get himself another bottle and a friend to photograph him.

Handbags

My word, what a tetchy affair down the Wood last night. Flying tackles, hand balls, penalties, score disputes and arguments galore, it was a wild one. The game got off to a great start for the Righteous, but it was short lived, and by the 15 minutes mark we were either 3 or 4 goals down (depending on which side you were on). At this point Crespo's head dropped, and he entered into a row with the good Dr Shotgun. All seemed lost, but as the lanky one took off to do his stint in goals, we finally pulled out of our funk, and started to peg back the nefarious shirt lifters of the JMF. At this point they began to show their true colours, especially Queen Jamon, who began to bleat like a Welsh lamb in a Cardiff brothel. At this juncture Shotgun began to use all his wind up skills on the lumbering half wit, and we used this distraction to draw level. Or so we thought, before the boys in red began to accuse us of cheating on the score line. Some robust tackles began to go in, a bit too robust for the poor little MoFoers, who don't take kindly to a dose of their own medicine. An accord was made, and a score agreed upon for the final frenetic minutes. A late Euro strike looked to have earned the win, but Dead Eye once again broke the Righteous hearts to level the scores. All square at the death, and on reflection, probably the right result.

Moment of Match
Once again a rocket from the usually shot shy Octopus is pipped at the post. An even rarer save from King Dave also fails to make it. He some how managed to deflect a goal bound effort off his toe onto not one post but both. No the winner is the Jamon melt down. A foot stomping, breath holding performance that saw him call Shotgun and Crespo the worlds biggest wankers and cheaters. He then booted the ball off the penalty spot as Crespo prepared to take it. It was truly epic. You know we are doing something right when the big lass goes into melt down.

JMF- Chil Catcher, Luklear War, Dead Eye, King Dave and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Octopus, Dr Shotgun and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 16

Euro Elite - 10


Draws - 3

New Season on the Horizon

Can I finish higher than second, after finishing runner up four years in a row? Will Big JB or Machine become the first treble winners? Will Crespo ever pick a decent team? Or will Lobon roll back the years and win yet again? These questions will be answered in mid May 2012 at the conclussion of this years Dream team tussle. And there is another incentive for all those shirkers who complain about coughing up an entry fee. It's free! So no excuses for anybody this season. And dont think we are collecting for a prize kitty either. Unlike the modern mercanary footballer, we play only for the glory. Follow the link here, and contact me for the PIN and password. May all of you fail miserably in my wake!

http://www.dreamteamfc.com/fantasyfootball/1112/

All Ready!!

Crikey, it doesn't seem two shakes since me and the Shoutster were in Berlin watching 1860 play their penultimate game, but this weekend saw the start of the Bundesliga 2 season. Talk about early..... So what have we to look forward to this season. The big fish that got relegated (seems to happen every year in Germany) was Eintract Frankfurt. Yes it is a long time since they worried the top of the Bundesliga, but any side that calls a 51,000 all seater home, is a pretty big fish in my book. The away fixture is in late April, so it is not impossible that I will be arranging a visit.... Especially as our preferred destination, St Pauli in Hamburg, falls in early September. A combination of lack of leave and money makes this an impossible (barring a lottery win) journey. Plus, we are still hopeful of visiting the Swiss branch of the Bender Squad in early October. There are a few of us getting together in August, so plan will be hatched...

Also new, to go with a new season, is a new kit manufacturer, which means a new design. I am not over excited by it, but the away shirt is pretty cool (still prefer the classic blue and white stripes)



"But what happened in the first game?" I hear you ask. Well Der Lowen were up against a newly promoted team away from at Eintracht Braunschweig (?). It's some where in Saxony. The result? A 3:1 drubbing, which in the first table of the season sees 1860 placed third from bottom. At least the only way is up....