Double Trouble

Well who would have thunk it? After weeks of serenely collecting victories, on what seemed to be a pretty straight forward path to glory. But the MoFo have suddenly found some backbone, and have got themselves well back into the running. The previous week was one of those evenings when all on the Righteous Elite decided to play like shite, and the resulting loss was expected to be nothing but a mere irritation, prolonging our imminent crowning as Lords of the Wood. But this Wednesday just gone was a different kettle of fish indeed. The boys in white played well, and after overturning an early JMF lead, all seemed set for a cruise to victory. But then it all went pear shaped. The MoFo must have laid down some form of curse, as all of a sudden, anything they struck goal ward seemed to go in. And the majority of them were pretty ugly scores. Spins of hands, air shots from Shouty and evasive action from Crespo, saw the most powder puff of shots find the back of the net. But football is not a beauty pageant, and the final score was a comfortable win for the JMF. This means the Euro boys hold a solitary game advantage, with only five matches left to play. Squeaky bum time, which means there are sure to be some rum altercations over the next few weeks.

2011 Season

JMF wins - 20

Euro Elite - 21


Draws - 6

Killer Keisters

Hello ass fans, and welcome gto this weeks Killer Keisters. Once again it needs to be short and sweet, as the Elster doesn't like me saving arse shots on her lap top. But she is out, and what she don't know won't land me in strife, so shhhhhhh..... This weeks offerings are all courtesy of http://callipygian.tumblr.com/ featuring some classic G.A.S. pics. Enjoy.

Because my names on it

A second entry for the "Because my names on it" thread. I have never seen the fella actually eat an olive (all he seems to eat is sausages), but if he did, this would have to be his favourite brand.

Sent from my Nokia phone

Killer Keisters

I know it's been a couple of weeks since the last Keister thread, so this week, for your delectation, five proud and pert posteriors to bring some sunshine on a dull foggy West Yorkshire afternoon.

Nearly Forgot...Again!

A quick update on doings down the Wood. Last week was a cats cock hair away from being cancelled, but young child catcher manged to pull a couple of young chaps out of thin air, meaning it was game on. Know the teams were much changed on both sides, so much so that I didn't even know who a couple of 'em where. But the result was the same, meaning the great turn around continues. From the depths of despair in late spring, to a three game advantage in mid November, the Nefarious JMF need to pick up some wins soon, or it could all be over.

2011 Season

JMF wins - 18

Euro Elite - 21


Draws - 6

Killer Keisters-Mobile test

Hello arse fans. With my desktop still in Geevers boot, I have decided to attempt posting from my phone. So to test it out with a picture of the little minx who bewitched me so much from the sides of buses a few weeks back. It appears she has changed her shorts, and is using her pert ass to tempt buyers from the shelves of Debenhams.

Sent from my Nokia phone

Righteous Rise Continues

My, my, how the JMF have slumped over the past few weeks. They did put up a brave show, but the Euro boys always had to much in the tank, and at the death ran out easy winners. I aim to get back into gear as far as the match reports, and the blog in general go, but work commitments have been making great demands on my time. So sorry for the brevity, and I shall try to make more time to keep this site up to date, but the road to ruin is paved with good intention......

2011 Season

JMF wins - 18

Euro Elite - 20


Draws - 6

Killer Keisters

Some nice random Keisters to tide you over till I get my machine up and running.

Desk Top Dead?

When did life get so hectic? Austerity measures to reign in my own finances, have meant a heavy work load, little time and combined with an obstinate desk top, means the old blog has taken a back seat these last few weeks. But all is not lost. Geevers ahs taken my poorly PC away, and fingers crossed, will be able to get it running in the not to distant future. This looks like it will, however, lead to a postponement of the annual awarding of Le Maillot Jaune. The deadline date is still the 31/10/2011, and barring a massive burst of stupidity, looks to be headed out of West Yorkshire for the first time. All will be revealed in time....

Righteous Double Sinks JMF

Apologies for the lateness of the Wood reports. My PC's problems have proved terminal, and with Geevers in the middle of getting his fledgling new enterprise off the ground, it means I am having to provide an abridged version of the last two weeks matches. The week before last was an impressive display by the Euro boys, who coasted to an emphatic victory. This drew the 2011 scores level. This was not expected to last however, as a patched up Euro crew looked to be up against it. Late draftees Big Phil the Octopus and Charliedinho proved that games are not won on paper, and the lads in white cruised to a successive win. This means the boys in white have clawed themselves back into pole position, as the 2011 season enters the final furlong. All to play for with ten games left.

2011 Season

JMF wins - 18

Euro Elite - 19


Draws - 6

Child Cather Catches JMF off guard

I know this is late, but it has been a hectic few days in Euro land. A heavy work schedule, combined with a full blown bender eats into ones free time. Anyway, onto the game. Both side looked to be pretty evenly matched, but from the outset there was only one team in it. A lack lustre JMF never got into their stride, and the result was a pretty straightforward affair, a comfortable win for the Righteous, who have whittled a seemingly insurmountable deficit down to a single game.

OctoFlipper

Without each other to batter, the Righteous felt the full force of the combined muscle of Big Phil the Octopus and Dave "The Flipper" Dolphin, aka "OctoFlipper." The Flipper flipped, and The Octopus pussed, but to no avail. Bruised and battered, the Euro boys were still to much.

Moment of the Match

Neigh Moment of the year. And possibly the decade. Or even ever. In the history of mankind. Theory of relativity? Pah. Men on the moon? Yawn. No, this was even greater, and more unexpected. The ball broke wide to young Charlie Child Catcher. Up till now, the young fella had shown little aptitude for the beautiful game. But as Jamon approached him, he trapped the ball, and in a seem less pirouette was round the lumbering captain of the JMF. As he moved into space, he was next confronted by the far more formidable Luklear War. Even more amazingly he pulled off an almost carbon copy manoeuvre to out fox his opponent. Surely now was the moment for him to come face to face with the floor, as he finally tripped over the ball. The whole court fell silent, as broke his stride, glanced up, and buried it in the far corner. Truly outstanding..

JMF- Dead Eye, Luklear War, Jamon, Flipper the Dolphin and Big Phil the Octopus

EURO E- Euro Bri, Child Catcher, Clogs, Shouty and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 18

Euro Elite - 17


Draws - 6

Killer Keisters

G'day cobbers! This weeks Killer Keisters features a bunch of Shelia's from down under, helping to explain the rules of Rugby to uninitiated. Many thanks to Mr Fluke for bringing this to my attention via the wonders of facebook.

Eight is not Enough

Eight nil after 10 minutes, and the MoFo looked to be cruising. Jamon was giving it large ones, as some piss poor goal keeping by a certain cephlapod, looked to have gifted the JMF an easy victory. But the eight limbed one was not going to be between the sticks all night, and as his shift ended, the goal tide was stemmed. Could a seemingly insurmountable lead be over turned? Slowly the Righteous began the arduous journey back to parity. Youg Gaz and Crespo found their shooting boots, and Big Phil proved a more formidable defender than goalie. The game finally turned after a fiery interlude saw two hotly disputed goals disallowed, and then a penalty went to the JMF. Tempers were high, and perhaps Dead Eye should have allowed time for his blood to cease boiling, as his rushed spot kick was well saved by Gaz. Within minutes the score was all square, but surprisingly, the MoFo found some hidden reserves, and once again went ahead. But the Righteous were not to be denied, and with time ticking down, and after chasing the game from the first seconds, finally took the lead. But Young Dan struck at the death to spare the JMF the ignominy of falling prey to the Woods greatest come back. An epic encounter finally ended in stalemate.

Dolphin v Octopus

The Octopous put in a fair old shift, fighting for every ball, and it could be argued was a contender for man of the match. If it wasn't for his goal keeping. Take away his first stint between the sticks, and the boys in white would have strolled to an eight goal victory. On the other hand The Dolphin was an integral component of his team. He even saved a couple of shots with Dorsal Fin (hands). So our flippered friend takes this weeks honours.

Moment of Match

A game packed with incidents, from start to finish, makes it hard to pick one out. But Dead Eye's proper Paddy over his penalty was Jamonesque. He shouted and cursed about the unfairness of it all accusing all and sundry of being a set of cheating twats, even though we all could see that it was a stone cold pen. Perhaps it was the effort expended on his tirade that resulted in the usually clinical fella failing to find the back of the net

JMF- Dead Eye, Luklear War, Jamon, Woody Wood Boy and Big Phil the Octopus

EURO E- Euro Bri, Child Catcher, Clogs, Shouty and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 18

Euro Elite - 16


Draws - 6

Killer Keisters

Still no life in the ole desk top, so yet again, it is a brief, but bountiful edition of Killer Keisters. This weeks edition is thanks to this site, http://callipygian.tumblr.com/. I aim to start pestering Geevers some time this week, but in the mean time, enjoy.

Fried Dolphin and Calamari

A change in personnel on both sides this week, left the JMF with a definite marine feel, as Big Phil the Octopus squirted himself with ink, and ended up playing in a red shirt. This meant the Right Honourable Shouty once again turned out for the Righteous, although he must have been closee to his old man when he inked up, as he showed up sporting these Bobby Dazzlers.

The Tasmanian Child Catcher also turned out for the Euro boys, wearing a rather worrying sleeveless t-shirt, that made look more like a cruising rent boy than a footballer. But enough of the fashion, what about the footie? Well it may have been the decidedly dodgy apparel, but I would like to think it was the dynamic passing game of the Euro Elite that decimated the MoFo. After the opening 10 minutes, the boys in white had Blitzed their way to a handsome lead, that although narrowed, was never really put under any serious threat. Of course this brought the dark side of our opponents out, and there was much arguing and skull duggery, befoire they just decided to fall out with each other instead. A handsome victory achieved with some dodgy clothing.

Dolphin and Octopus??

Dolphin and the octopus, swimming in the sea. F-I-S-H-I-N-G. First came a ball then came a shot. Then came Dolphinpuss stuck in a net. To be fair they both put in a shift, albeit on the fringes of legality. Crespo once again felt the full force of the Dolphins flippers of steel, and I was nearly flung clean out of the hall via Big Phils powerful tentacles. But their marine antics were all in vain...

Moment of Match

A hard one to choose. The Tasmanian Child Catcher took one in the balls, which is always funny, and there was his moment of goal keeping madness. Big Phil fired a beauty past Kev, and Shouty's purple boots pummeled one past Dead Eye. Oh what the Hell, I'll give it to the Octopus.

JMF- Dead Eye, Luklear War, Jamon, Woody Wood Boy and Big Phil the Octopus

EURO E- Euro Bri, Child Catcher, Clogs, Shouty and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 18

Euro Elite - 16


Draws - 5

Top 10....Worst Football Pundits

The 2011/12 season is up running and fully into it's stride now, so I thought it was about time I did a top ten on the worst pundits on the old goggle box. This particular post was inspired by a conversation with the Funky Messiah a few weeks back, concerning the merits of Messers Redknapp and Neville. I have used a complex formula to come to my conclusion. I am using marks out of five over three grades. Those grades are Boring, Wanker and Gibberish. So with no further ado, my findings, in reverse order.

10. Matt Le Tissier

I like the guy. He seems a top fella, but his punditry is pants. Does he really need the money?

Boring 3/5

Wanker 0/5

Gibberish 2/5

9. Martin Keown

Is there a more earnest man on the telly? He states the blindingly obvious in such a po faced manner, that you would think he was talking about the plight of starving refugees in Africa, rather than the shite goal keeping of some over paid ponce at Ewood Park. Dull.

Boring 4/5

Wanker 0/5

Gibberish 1/5

8.Stan Collymore

He could be one of the best. If he would just shut up! Why use one word when 50 will do? His points and observations drone on and on, which is a shame, because in a field where acute observations and a different opinion are anathema, he is a breath of fresh air. But till he cuts down on his verbal diarrhea, he shall remain rooted on this list. And he could do with a sense of humour.

Boring 3/5

Wanker 1/5

Gibberish 3/5

7.Kevin Keegan

What game are you watching Kev? His biggest problem is that he seems to be watching a totally different game to everybody else. Who can forget the "There's only one team in this now, and it's not Romania!" Just before a Romanian slotted in the winner against England. And the time he accused an American player of acting when a Brazilian had actually broken his jaw? Still, his gibberish is rarely boring, but the way he quit the England job, means he will always carry a touch of the wanker about him.

Boring 1/5

Wanker 1/5

Gibberish 5/5

6.Dean Windass

You would actually never guess that he is English, judging him solely on the odd language he seems to speak. His appearances on Soccer Saturday are legendary, as he struggles to construct a coherent sentence whilst totally missing all of the action unfolding around him. He is the only pundit who has to be told the score of the game he is reporting on. Without a shadow of doubt the worst pundit in the history of punditry, but only if you consider that punditry is all about reporting facts. If you think it is all about entertaining an audience with an a totally abstract view of whats not happening, then the man is nothing short of some autistic genius. Still, my formula doesn't lie, and he actually broke one of my measuring grades.

Boring 0/5

Wanker 0/5

Gibberish 8/5

5.Andy Gray

I know he isn't on the boob tube any more, but he is still a kind of pundit, as he airs his nonsense on radio station TalkSport. Now I am not going to pass judgement on the female assistant referee incident. If he is the only pundit who holds those views, then I am a dutch uncle. No, we shall focus solely on his punditry. Does he now what he is talking about? He actually does make some good points, and they are often his own. No Big Andy's problem is Big Andy. Not only is he as dull as dish water, but he comes across as a pompous self important wanker. The kind of fella who laughs at his own seriously unfunny jokes. You know the type, he's probably your boss.

Boring 4/5

Wanker 4/5

Gibberish 1/5

4.Alan Shearer

Mary Poppins biggest crimes are his chronic dullness and the total lack of an original thought between his ears. Combine this with his stilted delivery, and the fact that he often shares the sofa with Alan Hansen (who makes him look a complete fool) and you could make a strong argument for him being the worst of this collective. I would have had him at the top, but the one saving grace he has in locker is his complete and utter blandness. Unlike the blokes listed ahead of him, he elicits no feelings of blind loathing. He is the perfect point to take that piss break, make a brew or grab a pint. He is in fact, the bbc's answer to the commercial break.

Boring 5/5

Wanker 1/5

Gibberish 5/5

3.Gary Neville

Choosing the chaps at two and three was a tough one, and probably comes down to which team you hate more, Liverpool or Manchester United. I am no lover of United, but I loath Liverpool, so Mr Neville takes the third slot. His biggest problem is that he is Gary Neville. Smug, self satisfied and successful, he is the archetypal wanker. And to compound it all, he actually seems to relish the role. This means that no matter how concise and insightful he is, you can not get past the fact that he is Gary Neville. The wanker. And the dull drone of a voice. What were Sky thinking.

Boring 5/5

Wanker 5/5

Gibberish 3/5

2.Jamie Redknapp

Just what is the point of this geezer? Sure he looks nice in a suit and has a nice hair cut, but his punditry is pure and utter tosh. And what exactly qualifies him for this role? A pretty mediocre football career was beautifully illustrated during a champions league half time last season. The cmera came to Souness, who was captioned as a three time European cup winner. Next was Ruud Guillett, captioned as two time European cup winner, and ex world footballer of the year. Our Jamie's caption? Played for Liverpool. Now I shall grant you the fact that he doesn't come across as much of a wanker, as his new best mate Gary, but he is still the twat in the Thomas Cook adverts. A fucking muppet.

Boring 5/5

Wanker 3/5

Gibberish 5/5

1. Robbie Savage.

This man can be summed up in one word. Cunt. Now I know the idea of media folk hiring toss pots like Mr Savage, is to generate calls into their poxy phone ins, but come on. This joker is useless on every level. An average career, that seemed to be earned on an ability to run round kicking folk, for such huge clubs as Leicester, Derby, Birmingham and Wales hardly qualifies him to pass judgement on players and teams in the higher echelons of the game. now this is not a prerequisite if you are a well versed student of the game, but he seems to only be a well versed student of Robbie Savage. And he can't get enough of it either. He would live his whole life on the box if he could. I could go on all night long here, but I am sure I have no need to, as I am pretty sure all of you are of the same opinion.

Boring 5/5

Wanker 5/5

Gibberish 5/5

Bender Alert

Crikey, it's nearly time for the annual unveiling of Le Grand Buffoon, and there has nary been a Bender worthy of the name since I don't know when. So, in a last effort to shake up the current standings, I am sorting out a much needed get together. Plan is meet in Spoons at Leeds train station, go for several Steins at the Beerkeller, and then see where the mood takes us. Going to try and get the Boy Dazzler out, and El Grande Queso is also penciled in. If somebody can get Sandro out, it would be good.

PS

Le maillot Jaune looks to be a straight fight between Dessi and Queso at the moment.

Baz Back on the Scrapheap

The Belgian adventure is at an end for the well traveled Super Barry Conlon. And a rather short one it was, lasting only seven games. He did score mind, but you can bet your bottom dollar that it was probably a penalty. So back to the Job Centre for our well traveled cart horse. Wonder where he will be pitching his caravan next?

Killer Keisters

Yet another week without my PC, which is as dead as a dodo now. My main man Geevers is aware, and when he gets a chance will be sorting it out. Of course that could be a while, as he is in the midst of getting his fledgling business off the ground. So for this weeks collection of pert posteriors, ample arses and Gratuitous Ass Shots, I have had to plagarise from somebody elses site, also dedicated to the fairer sex. The address is http://papuas.tumblr.com/, and is very much recommended by myself. So fingers crossed that I can get my machine repaired soon, and begin to collect my own "Spank Bank" of Killer Keisters.

Flipperless MoFo Sunk

A late mix up between myself and Dave the Dolphin was rectified at the last moment, as Crespo coerced a Wood employee into action, making sure the game was a valid one. And just as well for the Righteous, who took the victory, reducing the JMF lead to a mere three games in the process. An excellent start by the boys in white resulted in a healthy five goal advantage, but credit where it's due, the lady dodgers persevered, and managed to keep themselves in the hunt, finally sucumbing by three at the bell. The main surprise was the goal haul by Jamon, Queen of the MoFo, which compensated for a strangely out of sorts Dead Eye, who appeared to have put his trainers on the wrong feet. Also surprisingly lethal in front of goal, was a returning Shouty, filling in for the absent Octopus. All in all, a good game.

Dolphin v Octopus

A marine free game this week, as Flipper was dodging Tuna nets and the 'pus was blowing ink in his caravan.

Moment of Match

There weren't to many comedy moments this week, as you would expect with the Octopus absent, although Shouty showing up in odd trainers was pretty funny. Instead this weeks winner is a moment of sublime skill, mixed with a touch of luck, and a healthy dose of shit goal keeping. Lucklear War played himself a one two with the wall, opening enough space to execute a back heel across a stumbling Crespo into the far corner. It was an outrageous piece of skill, that was only slightly tainted by Kev's baby giraffe learning to walk impression between the sticks.

JMF- Dead Eye, Luklear War, Jamon, Woody Wood Boy and The Mercanary

EURO E- Euro Bri, Rapid Joe, Clogs, Shouty and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 18

Euro Elite - 15


Draws - 5

Killer Keisters

I haven't been feeling the greatest, so there is no commentary on this weeks killer keisters. And by way of apology for my tardiness, please enjoy some extra cheeks this week. Enjoy.

Under Par and Over Whelmed

Nearly forgot to update the Wood scores, and with good reason. We got stuffed. Crespo was injured, Shotgun was in a bad mood and the Octopus was more like calamari. Booooooo!

Dolphin v Octopus

The Big Flipper poned the the 'puss all night long

JMF- Salty, Luklear War, Jamon, King Dave and The Mercanary

EURO E- Euro Bri, Shotgun, The Octopus, Child Catcher and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 18

Euro Elite - 14


Draws - 5

Killer Keisters

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! My old desk top is still busted, but I couldn't leave all you arse fans out therewithout your weekly fix, so I have load some keisters up on the Elsters lap top. But mums the word, or it will be my keister on the line.

Just a couple of tasters,before we venture to the football, the proper kind, for this shot of some cheerleaders, performing a routine that can only really be described as thus... Crikey!!

Not a move you would want to pull if Stan Collymore was warming up... In fact I shall finish with a cheer leader from the U.S. of A. As a Gratuitous Ass Shot, it is fairly tame, but I do love a firm arse in a short skirt...

Ray of Hope?

After three weeks without their talisman, the MoFo were looking pretty confident prior to kick off, that once again they would be ready to return to winning ways. During his absence, his team mates had failed to lengthen their lead, and had in fact seen it shrink. This reversal of fortune had finally seemed to shake Crespo out of his funk (although he may well have finally got his leg over) and we started not shy of confidence our selves. It was all set up to be perhaps the defining game of the season. Could the Righteous continue to make inroads into the JMF lead? Or would the female dodging MoFo return Kevin to his deep depression of the Spring? To be honest there was never any real doubt once the game commenced. The opening exchanges were tight. At the first keeper change it was only 1-0, bet slowly, a gap finally began to emerge between the Righteous and the Nefarious. There was, as ever, a sustained assault upon our lead, but for a change the Euro boys stood firm, and coasted to a comfortable victory. An aberration or a turning point?

Dolphin v Octopus

What's an octopus's favourite food? Dolphin! Big Phil had Flippers number all night, both on the court, and between the pegs. Twas an epic performance from the stout cephlapod, that saw Dave the dolphin resort to some dubious shouldering, in a vain effort to gain the upper tentacle.

Moment of Match

No comedy choice of ball to the knackers or swan dives from Big Phil. This weeks winner is the sublime goal scored by Young Gaz, after some brilliant one touch football that featured a contribution from every member of the Righteous. Sublime.

JMF- Dead Eye, Luklear War, Jamon, King Dave and The Mercanary

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Octopus, Young Gaz and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 17

Euro Elite - 14


Draws - 5

Killer Keisters

Well my PC has gone south on me again, which means I am deprived of access to the "Spank Bank" a.k.a my hoard of Killer Keisters. Which is a bummer, because the Elster wont allow me to keep a reserve vault on her lap top. But I was hoping to upload the fine ass currently displayed on several local buses. Some fine minx is bent over tying her shoe laces, showing of her mighty fine arse. Which is hardly surprising considering that she is advertising reebok easytones. Anyway, seeing as I can not post any pictures this week, please feel free to enjoy the delectable Kelly Brook, whose arse is is the main, neigh only feature, used in this recent advert for the a fore mentioned foot wear.

And while we are on the subject of Easy tones, here are a couple of ad posters to tide you over till I get my accursed desk top back up and running.

Almost Blown

The last few weeks have seen the Righteous contrive to blow golden win opportunities , and this week was no exception. After a sterling start, it seemed the remainder of the game would be a cake walk. But Luklear War told his side to keep going, as we would choke, and by crikey he was nearly right. Our biggest issue seems to be a pathological need to try and score nothing but glorious goals, when we should be grinding the female dodgers into the dust. Of course the MoFo don't give a monkeys how they go in, and with the clock ticking down drew level, and another draw seemed on the cards. This time we dug deep. Clogs scored to inch us back in front, and a clean sheet by yours truly saw us earn a victor

Octopus v Dolphin

This week battle of the sea creatures went the way of the cephlapod. Time and again he repelled all of flippers attacks. His most notable effort is out lined below, but worthy of mention was the moment he took a full blast on the back of his bonce.

Moment of Match

Honourable mentions must go to Crespos last ditch tackle, Euro Bri's early exocet and Lukler Wars crumble to the floor, which elicited the loudest slap noise ever heard. And it would be remiss of me not to mention Child Catchers hat trick, nor his tackle that left me with shredded shorts. They would all make worthy winners, but yet again it is the many armed one who takes the weekly accolade. His Volleyball/Catch in the slips diving save from Dave the Dolphin was one of the funniest things I have seen EVER! Watching him sail through the air, horizontally, with a grim look of determination on his face was pure magic.

JMF- Big jihnnyM, Luklear War, Salty, King Dave and The Padawan

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Octopus, Dr Shotgun and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 17

Euro Elite - 13


Draws - 5

Killer Keisters

Hey up butt fans, it's that time of the week again, Killer Keister time to be precise. This week is random week. Just enjoy some fine pieces of ass....



I have no idea why you would polish a glass chair in the buff, but what the hell. Works for me....


And to finish, a nice big juicy G.A.S.

Padawan Breaks Euro hearts

It was there for the taking. A high scoring affair seemed to be in the bag for the Righteous, who were holding onto a slender lead, but the young fella popped up out wide to curl one into the bottom corner to level the scores. Mind you, Clogs should have covered himself in glory, not just once, but twice. Instead he blazed two golden chances high wide and handsome, and what seemed a certain victory had been spurned. At the start, it looked like it would be a cake walk for the lads in white, as a substantial lead was earned. That is until the Octopus took up residence between the sticks. Now you would think a chap with eight appendages would be a bit handy as a goal keeper, but Big Phil must have had seven of 'em tied behind his back, as we went from miles in front, to being in arrears. The rest of the game was pretty entertaining stuff. Four penalty disputes, a battle of sea creatures, and an exciting finish. Top stuff indeed.

Moment of Match
Mention needs to be made of the Shotguns top strike early on. Took the ball with his left, turned inside, and smashed one into the far corner. But the moment of the match has to go to mighty marine battle between King "Flipper the Dolphin" Dave and Big Phil "The Octopus" At first it looked like the many armed one was going to get the better of the tussle, but the Dolphin had a surprise move tucked up his blow hole. Instead of employing his size ten flippers, he used an old fashioned shoulder barge on the cephalopod, who deployed his ink spray, and was gone.

JMF- Big jihnnyM, Luklear War, Salty, King Dave and The Padawan

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Octopus, Dr Shotgun and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 17

Euro Elite - 12


Draws - 5

Footballs Back

All the leagues have now kicked off, so it's time for my annual round of predictions of the ups and downs that will play out in May. First up we start in the lowest league, were my beloved bantams ply their trade for the fourth season in a row (although it seems like a lot longer) Every season has seen us slip closer to the oblivion of the Blue Square conference. Now I don't think (hope) we are as bad as last year, but neither do I reckon we are promotion material either. Plymouth's financial woes, and the usual suspects of Barnet, Burton and Hereford, should see us retain our league status, so a boring season of mid table mediocrity beckons. To go up? Swindon, Crawley and Southend.

The next division up, yet again, features three teams that would have provided great fixtures for the Claret and Ambers. Both Sheffield clubs and Huddersfield would have packed out Valley Parade and show just why we need to be out of this wretched league we are currently in. Charlton and Brentford, with possibly the Blades to exit via the glory method, and Orient, Exeter and Stevenage via the humiliation method.

The Championship next, and this seasons big spenders, Leicester, look a pretty solid bet. Out of the teams that came down, West Ham look the likeliest to make a rapid return. Ipswich, Cardiff and reading look certs to be in or around the play off places, and Southampton are best equipped to do a Norwich and jump into the Premier. For the drop? What kind of City fan would I be if I didn't tip Leeds? To join them I will take Barnsley and Doncaster, a trifecta of Yorkshire failure if yo will.

The Premier league looks a straight shoot out between the Manchester clubs to me, with possibly Chelsea added to the mix. And it pains me that once again Unite look to have a bit more than the rest. Liverpool, Arsenal and Spurs (Spurs my pick to finish fourth) will contest the final Champions League spot, with Fulham as my surprise team of the season. To go down? Swansea, Wigan and Blackburn Rovers. I've always had a soft spot for Norwich after the dumped Bayern Munich out of the UEFA cup, back when it was a decent tournament, and think they might just sneak it.

Killer keisters

Ay opp arse fans. I am bang on time for this weeks ode to the ass, and have decided this week is a no filler, just killer Keister week. This means no themes, just pert posteriors and curvy cheeks. Like the perfect example above. And below for that matter.


It's August, and in Yorkshire it's cold and drizzly. Need a pool and some sunshine? How about I throw in a cheeky little minx in her birthday suit? With a lovely curvy derriere? Thought so.....



And because it so miserable out, another one, on the house.....



Which just leaves us with this weeks G.A.S.

Nail Biter

An extremely close game down the Wood on Wednesday night, in a well fought low scorer. There were changes on both sides, Dead Eye was replaced by Salty Scott for the ladies team, and on the mens side, Big JophnnyM and Donatello Joe filled in for Clogs and Shotgun. The game got off to a good start, and after the opening blows had been exchanged, the Righteous had eked out a one goal advantage. At this juncture King Dave went in nets, and the boys in white looked to widen their lead. But instead of his usual clown like antics between the sticks, he repelled shot after shot, as the JMF scored a couple to take a lead into the final ten minutes. But this week it was the Euro boys turn to stage a dramatic comeback, and two cool finishes saw the boys in white home.

Moment of match
An easy choice this week. A pass that just went into the keepers area, as Big JohnnyM met it on the volley, smashing the ball into the goal keepers mush. The fact that the keeper was Jamon sealed it.

JMF- Jamon, Luklear War, Salty, King Dave and The Mercenary

EURO E- Euro Bri, Donatello, The Octopus, Big JohnnyM and Crespo

2011 Season

JMF wins - 17

Euro Elite - 12


Draws - 3

Killer Keisters

Once again, I have missed the Friday deadline, but hey, better late than never. So let's get some delectable derrieres lined up. And this week we leave the vanilla stuff behind, and go on a bit of a fetish tip. Handcuffs and PVC anybody?


And for you lovers of Gratuitous Ass Shots and stiletto's? This one is for you.


Butt this one bamboozled even me. A bare ass and pine cones? Live and let live I suppose...