10. Matt Le Tissier
I like the guy. He seems a top fella, but his punditry is pants. Does he really need the money?
Boring 3/5
Wanker 0/5
Gibberish 2/5
9. Martin Keown
Is there a more earnest man on the telly? He states the blindingly obvious in such a po faced manner, that you would think he was talking about the plight of starving refugees in Africa, rather than the shite goal keeping of some over paid ponce at Ewood Park. Dull.
Boring 4/5
Wanker 0/5
Gibberish 1/5
8.Stan Collymore
He could be one of the best. If he would just shut up! Why use one word when 50 will do? His points and observations drone on and on, which is a shame, because in a field where acute observations and a different opinion are anathema, he is a breath of fresh air. But till he cuts down on his verbal diarrhea, he shall remain rooted on this list. And he could do with a sense of humour.
Boring 3/5
Wanker 1/5
Gibberish 3/5
7.Kevin Keegan
What game are you watching Kev? His biggest problem is that he seems to be watching a totally different game to everybody else. Who can forget the "There's only one team in this now, and it's not Romania!" Just before a Romanian slotted in the winner against England. And the time he accused an American player of acting when a Brazilian had actually broken his jaw? Still, his gibberish is rarely boring, but the way he quit the England job, means he will always carry a touch of the wanker about him.
Boring 1/5
Wanker 1/5
Gibberish 5/5
6.Dean Windass
You would actually never guess that he is English, judging him solely on the odd language he seems to speak. His appearances on Soccer Saturday are legendary, as he struggles to construct a coherent sentence whilst totally missing all of the action unfolding around him. He is the only pundit who has to be told the score of the game he is reporting on. Without a shadow of doubt the worst pundit in the history of punditry, but only if you consider that punditry is all about reporting facts. If you think it is all about entertaining an audience with an a totally abstract view of whats not happening, then the man is nothing short of some autistic genius. Still, my formula doesn't lie, and he actually broke one of my measuring grades.
Boring 0/5
Wanker 0/5
Gibberish 8/5
5.Andy Gray
I know he isn't on the boob tube any more, but he is still a kind of pundit, as he airs his nonsense on radio station TalkSport. Now I am not going to pass judgement on the female assistant referee incident. If he is the only pundit who holds those views, then I am a dutch uncle. No, we shall focus solely on his punditry. Does he now what he is talking about? He actually does make some good points, and they are often his own. No Big Andy's problem is Big Andy. Not only is he as dull as dish water, but he comes across as a pompous self important wanker. The kind of fella who laughs at his own seriously unfunny jokes. You know the type, he's probably your boss.
Boring 4/5
Wanker 4/5
Gibberish 1/5
4.Alan Shearer
Mary Poppins biggest crimes are his chronic dullness and the total lack of an original thought between his ears. Combine this with his stilted delivery, and the fact that he often shares the sofa with Alan Hansen (who makes him look a complete fool) and you could make a strong argument for him being the worst of this collective. I would have had him at the top, but the one saving grace he has in locker is his complete and utter blandness. Unlike the blokes listed ahead of him, he elicits no feelings of blind loathing. He is the perfect point to take that piss break, make a brew or grab a pint. He is in fact, the bbc's answer to the commercial break.
Boring 5/5
Wanker 1/5
Gibberish 5/5
3.Gary Neville
Choosing the chaps at two and three was a tough one, and probably comes down to which team you hate more, Liverpool or Manchester United. I am no lover of United, but I loath Liverpool, so Mr Neville takes the third slot. His biggest problem is that he is Gary Neville. Smug, self satisfied and successful, he is the archetypal wanker. And to compound it all, he actually seems to relish the role. This means that no matter how concise and insightful he is, you can not get past the fact that he is Gary Neville. The wanker. And the dull drone of a voice. What were Sky thinking.
Boring 5/5
Wanker 5/5
Gibberish 3/5
2.Jamie Redknapp
Just what is the point of this geezer? Sure he looks nice in a suit and has a nice hair cut, but his punditry is pure and utter tosh. And what exactly qualifies him for this role? A pretty mediocre football career was beautifully illustrated during a champions league half time last season. The cmera came to Souness, who was captioned as a three time European cup winner. Next was Ruud Guillett, captioned as two time European cup winner, and ex world footballer of the year. Our Jamie's caption? Played for Liverpool. Now I shall grant you the fact that he doesn't come across as much of a wanker, as his new best mate Gary, but he is still the twat in the Thomas Cook adverts. A fucking muppet.
Boring 5/5
Wanker 3/5
Gibberish 5/5
1. Robbie Savage.
This man can be summed up in one word. Cunt. Now I know the idea of media folk hiring toss pots like Mr Savage, is to generate calls into their poxy phone ins, but come on. This joker is useless on every level. An average career, that seemed to be earned on an ability to run round kicking folk, for such huge clubs as Leicester, Derby, Birmingham and Wales hardly qualifies him to pass judgement on players and teams in the higher echelons of the game. now this is not a prerequisite if you are a well versed student of the game, but he seems to only be a well versed student of Robbie Savage. And he can't get enough of it either. He would live his whole life on the box if he could. I could go on all night long here, but I am sure I have no need to, as I am pretty sure all of you are of the same opinion.
Boring 5/5
Wanker 5/5
Gibberish 5/5
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