The Week in Nonsense

Hello again, time to report on yet another week of nonsense. First up this week is the release, under the freedom of information act, of some of the stuff our elected Members of Parliament see fit not to pay for. Step forward the Sultan of Nonsense, the man responsible for unleashing the current tidal wave of seemingly endless bureaucracy Tony Blair. Although his salary is more than double of what I take home, and his missus is a top barrister who probably takes home at least ten times what my wife does, he saw fit to put his TV licence through his expenses, which means in the end we all got to pay for it. His buddy, possibly the most ridiculous fella ever to grace the political stage, claimed £4,000 from the public purse on grub. The next time I am doing my shopping in Morrisons, I might just hang round the tills and ask everybody going past me to contribute to my food shopping. Wonder how much I will get? Of course this breaches no rules, apparently our MP's are allowed to claim up to £400 a month. The Labour party are not alone either, the highest claim, for property repairs, mortgage interest payments and the such, was ( in the years 2004/05) Michael Howard, just over twenty grand, closely followed by John Prescott. The rest of the greedy MoFo's weren't that far behind, ranging from Gordon Brown's £14,000+, to some guy called Jonathan Sayeed, who racked up £18,618 during the same period. Even after the release of this information, Ann Cryer, MP for Keighley, tried to claim it was all some kind of media witch hunt, and politicians were "all being tarred with the same brush". If the boot fits sweetheart...

Next up is the new immigration laws, in particular the "citizenship test" that was introduced in 2005, that means applicants from outside the EU have to show an understanding of British culture and an ability to speak and understand a reasonable amount of English. But the usually inept BBC has uncovered a scam, where applicants can stump up a fee and get someone else to sit it for them. They can get around £700 a pop apparently. Yet another ill conceived piece of legislation. Then there is the Scottish inmate suing the Government for £50,000 cause he had to dump in a bucket. Not only that, but he has been granted leagl aid. He seems to believe it infringes on his human rights, readily forgetting about the rights of the people he saw fit to burgle. Step forward, Rose Gibb, the former chief executive of Maidstone and Tunbridge Wells NHS, were 90 people died of contacted super bugs, and it was a contributory factor in the demise of a further 124. Read the findings of the report from October last year here. It appears she doesn't think a £75,000 pay off is ample, and is now going to the courts to secure a healthier payout for her ineptitude. Finally this week, the Olympic torch. Who really gives a fuck. It was a Nazi invention, and has about as much to do with ancient Greece as a Rubiks cube.

The weeks biggest waste of money this week, is the £3,000,000 plus wasted on the Princess Di inquiry. All that money spent spent to come to the conclusions, that not wearing a seat belt in a speeding car driven by someone popped up, can cause death. I could have told them that for a fiver.

Lazy Week

Sorry about the lack of postings this week, been a bit lazy. I am hoping to have some good news concerning the STN, big thanks to G-Spot, who has made some great progress with our fledgling plans for world domination. I will do the week in nonsense tomorrow, maybe even the away days thread, as Tuesday night we have a bit of a bender lined up, probably the last one prior to our Germany jaunt at the back end of the month. Just a quick thought as I am writing this. Does anyone actually text these dodgy flirt lines that seem to be advertised every other minute once it gets past twelve? And couldn't they find some less skanky looking birds than the ones most of them use in said ad's?

Bantams 1 Shrimps 0

A dreary game for a dreary day. Two teams settling into a mid table finish were never going to provide first rate entertainment, but to be fair, I have seen worse games down the Valley this season. Most of the talk before the game was centered around Morecambes winger, Thompson, a City target during the January transfer window, but he was injured early on and substituted. A win is a win though, so we went into town to celebrate. We were surprisingly joined by the Boy Dazzler, who was supposed to be in Scotland, and Mr Whiteside, who had both been on the razz, and Tony Helmet managed to break free from work to join us for a few shereberts. Simon and Shouty were in fine fettle, spouting pearls of nonsense at will, a prime example being the Right Honourable assertion that Keighley was the largest town in the United Kingdom. As myself, Tony and Crespo proceeded to shoot down this ludicrous claim, Simon decided to weigh in with one of the greatest pieces of blurt out nonsense that I have heard since the halcyon days of the Ginga Ninja. According to Mr Whiteside on a clear day you can see Lincoln cathedral from Queensbury. Me and Crespo figure this famous landmark to be around 70/80 miles away, but Simon was having none of it and said as the crow flies that it was no more than 40. So the next time any of you are passing through Queensbury can you report any sightings of said cathedral, or if its a really clear day, Big Ben or the Sydney Opera House. It was then off to Crespo's grans 70th birthday shindig (rock and roll), were I left my beer guzzling companions as I was playing in a footie tournament the next day. I know Shouty was off out for his brothers birthday, and that when Simons out the boy usually does a threwer, so if you see any idiots in the gutter, say hi from me. On to Tuesday, whence the casino beckons....

Baz Watch;

Played the full ninety minutes, and was one of the better performances of the afternoon. Rose salmon like to cannon a header of the crossbar in the first half, and slipped through a sublime pass to Rhodes, who failed to beat the keeper when one on one. Was involved in Citys goal, his saved shot put away by Eddie Johnson. Got booked for gobbing off to the ref, we think, although it might have been for faking. Sporting a few days growth on his chin, which caused Crespo to burst into a chant of "Looks like Bri, Looks like Bri", that thankfully was not taken up by anyone else.

Righteous Halt JMF Streak

dribble, finished with a wicked cross shot, the second a After losing two on the bounce, the gaylord MoFo were given a pasting last night. With both team line ups featuring no substitutes, it was pure evil versus the righteous good, and it was an easy six goal victory for the team representing good. It was not without a few scares, the knob jockeys took an early lead, and held on till the half hour mark, but once the advantage was wrestled from them the result was never in doubt. For a change it was a well tempered affair, apart from Funky who even though he is now in his late thirties still can't count. Special mention goes pout to the Shoutster, who put his previous poor displays behind him and scored two scorchers. The first was a mazybeautiful finish of a superb passing break by the mighty Euro boys. After last weeks misfiring, it was good toe see myself, mercenary and Young Gaz amongst the goals, even though Gaz missed a penalty. I love wooping those gay cock suckers.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Luklear, Funky, Dead Eye and King Dave

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Mercenary, Young Gaz, Euro Bri and Shouty

2008 Season

• JMF wins -5



• Euro Elite - 8



• Draws - 0

Away Days

Since I put McOdyssey on a temporary sabbatical, as I search the seven seas for more photo ops, I have been struggling to think up a new thread to occupy Tuesdays. The "I Miss" series was short lived, as it turned out I didn't miss as much about the old days as I thought, and it died on it's arse. So I have come up with "Away Days", in which I will spout forth on the various sporting stadia across the globe that I have had the fortune to visit, and give an unbiased verdict on whether they rate as;

• Mount Olympus-Worthy of the Gods themselves
  
• Coliseum-A venue fit for legends
• Field of Dreams-Good but not great
  
• Park Pitch-Below Average
• Garden Shed-Fit for grazing cattle

Now that the ratings are explained, I have decided to start at a surprising venue. Home of Scunthorpe United, Glanford Park. It is a pokey little hole situated on a retail park on the outskirts of town. The only place to get a pint is a god awful Tom Cobleigh style family pub, that fills up quick. Forget about grabbing a couple of beers in town prior to kick off, as over zealous coppers force you straight from the train on to double deck buses that have been in service from sometime around 1976. The horror continues once inside the ground, as we found to our amazment that not only did they not serve beer to away fans, but there were no pies either, a cardinal sin in my book. The views are OK, but the atmosphere is timid to say the least. The local fans seem friendly enough, more than can be said of the local plod, who seemed to think the Boy Dazzler was some undercover hooligan, and tried to force him back on the bus into town. Quick thinking by Crespo saw us escape the rounding up of other City fans, and we headed into the town centre in search of beer. Alas, this proved to be as bland as the ground itself, and the train home couldn't arrive fast enough. I would consider visiting this ground again, if forced at gun point.



Statistics

• Capacity-9,183, 83rd largest in English Football
• Concessions-No Beer, No Pies, No Idea
• Built-1988
• Did You Know?- Was the first new football ground to be built after the end of World War Two
• Visited By-Shouty, Euro Bri, Crespo, The Boy Dazzler and Meatball II
  
• Rating-Garden Shed, possibly the dullest stadium the world.

Scraping the Bottom of the Barrell

The BBC. Isn't it great to know that your licence fee is being used to help the needy? Ricky and Bianca are returning to the terminally rancid Eastenders, if you haven't noticed all the "adverts" for it across their channels. Two actors whose range consists of shouting "Rickaaaayy" at the top of her lungs, and another who can make a turnip seem interesting. It's good to see my hard earned being used to prop up the careers of two such mighty thespians, who since leaving this turgid soap, have set the entertainment world alight. Hopefully this is the bottom of the barrell being well and truly scrapped, and someone at the beeb will do us all a great favour and put this shite out of its misery.

The Week in Nonsense

Sometimes whilst perusing the news media to see what has been spouted off and legislated for by the stupid and incompetent, you stumble across something that truly belies belief. Something that if it wasn't so idiotic it would be funny. But this time I have come across a new ruling, that didn't require a Parliamentary vote, but was pushed through by one of the most vile and stupid people ever to grace the front benches, one Harriet Harman. It seems from now on, when out in a pub or restaurant, referring to a member of staff as "Love" or "Sweetheart", etc. can be construed as sexual discrimination. If not dealt with by Landlords and other small business owners, this could lead to them being brought before a tribunal on sexual discrimination charges. I kid you not. Does this mean that clientele bothered by a member of the opposite sex can also claim the same rights? Is this the end of chatting birds up? Lawyers are already recommending that alongside "No Smoking" signs, there be placed "harassment is not tolerated" warnings as well. Don't believe me? Check out the story here. One of the best quotes is from Stuart Chamberlain, an employment law specialist at Consult GEE, said: "Employers may feel uncomfortable about confronting clients but they need to be aware that failing to take action could result in a claim for compensation, including for injury to feelings." Injury to feelings? Does this mean the Elster can sue me on a daily basis? Or the next time a work colleague jokingly refers to me a "poofter", I can storm into my managers office demanding retribution? I suppose I could, but being a rational person, I wouldn't dream of it. Harassment is not something to be taken lightly, but referring to someone as "pet" or "gorgeous" is not harassment. It denigrates the term, and sets people against the folk who have truly been on the receiving end of such actions. And what about the pub trade? If you were to ask most rational people what the greatest British institution was, they wouldn't say the Houses of Parliament, Oxbridge or the MCC. No it is the Great British Pub, something this set of money grubbing, busy body half wits seem Hellbent on destroying. Next time you are out and about, count up how many boozers are up for lease, been turned into private residences or simply bulldozed into oblivion. It was in these very establishments that the Labour party was given life, before it was Shanghaied, by self serving career politico's who have in most cases never done an honest days graft in their arrogant little lifes. They stick duty on alcohol, to stem binge drinking they claim, yet all the supermarkets, where the binge drinker stocks up on his insipid alcopops, drop prices to entice the Neanderthal through their automatic doors. That's right, all major Supermarkets have actually dropped their prices on booze since the budget. When I first started drinking, the pub was where folk took you home if you had to much to drink, or sorted you out if you got out of line. They ran football teams and pub leagues to keep folk off the street, but they are now being driven to the wall by a Tax hungry Government, and corporate breweries who nail the landlords to the wall on beer prices. At this rate the only place you will find a traditional British pub in twenty years will be at Disneyland.

On a different subject, before my blood pressure explodes, there is Britain's new gateway for the 21st century, Terminal 5 at Heathrow. Only in the UK, could something so high profile, be fucked up so bad. 28,000 bags not put on flights, 250 flights cancelled to cope with the backlog and nobody taking the blame. Roll on the Olympics.(ironically, the Olympic torch was supposed to arrive at T5's VIP suite, but they didn't want o lose it, so it is going via another suite now)

Waste of money of the week goes to Adam Applegarth, former CEO of Northern Rock. His reward for running this bank into the ground, ending with its nationalisation and the loss of 2,00 jobs, is an estimated £760,000. Nice work if you can get it.

To wrap up this weeks report on the Week in Nonsense is the news that Gordon Brown wants to show voters that Labour is on their side, and that theirs is the only party with "Big ideas for the future of the UK" Well I've got news for you Gordon, we just want to get on with our lives as we see fit, without interference, and it would be nice if we could spend our own money, without watching you and your clown minions flush it down the drain. So take your big ideas and shove them up your arse mate, and whilst your at it feel free to Fuck Off.

Stop The Nonsense

Tuesday Bender

Not only is Tuesday the 8th April a home game for the Bantams, but it is also El Grande Queso's birthday. My advise is, bring your wallet, book the next day off, and tell your missus it could be a late one. Or an early one, depending on your own perspective. Its Morecambe at home, and then out for a few beers, and then who knows what. Sounds good to me.

Ring Sting

Sorry about the lack of postings, but I have been feeling pretty lazy of late. This weekend was a one nighter, the Elster was giving me earache about spending time with the kids, and I felt she had a valid point. So this Friday was my only night out on the tiles, down the George, and after a couple of poor turnouts, there was a healthy gathering this week, Dr Shotgun made his first appearance of 2008, as did the Jet, along with regulars Big JohnnyM and G Spot. Even Crespo and Meatball showed up for a few beers. Much shite was talked, and as we prepared to leave, Shotgun offered to get in a curry. For those of you not familiar with the culinary delights of Wibsey, this means only one thing. The Spicey Cottage. Now I have only been to this establishment a handful of times, and let me say the food they serve has what can most politely be described as a "loosening" effect on the body. But the good Doctor was adamant, so me, Big John and the Jet descended on the Spicey Cottage. We were seated, and I began to point out to every member of staff who walked by that Spicy was spelled with out an E, which they nodded at, and then probably walked into the kitchen and spit in my food. To cut a long story short, we all ordered loads of grub, scarfed the lot, and then had a good old chuckle as Alfie was told they no longer accepted cards, due to the amount of fraudulent activity in this particular restaurant. So we all bailed him out till he got to a cash point, and then left JohnnyM, to walk to the Jets house to call a cab. I got home, the Elster had left a sleeping bag next to the couch, so I flopped down for some kip. At about five o'clock in the a.m. the Spicey magic kicked in, as I awoke in a fart filled room, consumed by an urgent need to poop. Now you might say that there is no way that a curry could travel through a fella that quick, but rest assured it was my recently eaten meal. You could still see the bite marks in the Seekh Kebabs, that mere hours earlier been presented to me on a plate. If I hadn't been half asleep as the Spicey curse struck, I would have taken a photo as evidence.

P.S.
Took the bambinos to the IMAX in Bradford to watch the Monstors of the Deep 3-D film. It is as cool as fuck. I highly recommend it, the kids loved it too.

Tuesday Night Madness

The Mighty Bantams have a home game coming up on the 8th of April, against Barnet, and after the buffoonery of the previous mid week games, we are going to try and be sensible. So we have booked off Wednesday so we can get fucked up and not worry about trains to Leeds, or barfing in parks. Makes sense to me anyhow, Casino ahoy!

P.S.
It is also El Greande Queso's birthday, so if he can get a permission slip from his missus, we even have a valid excuse.

Lefty Winning Streak Ends

Lucky Van Nistleroy, as he had become to be known, has reverted back to his original moniker of Lefty, as the spunk soaked JMF overcame the misfiring Elite by nine goals. Clogs and Young Gaz had left their shooting boots at home, but neither was as profligate as yours truly. Five times I was presented with a one on one chance against the trembliest of keepers, Crespo, and five times I managed to hit him and not the back of the net. To top it all, I then fired a penalty against him, as he tried to jump out of the way, the limp wristed poofta. I should really at this moment make some kind of reference to how well the MoFo played, but I won't. Fuck 'em all, the shirt lifting arse bandits.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Crespo, Funky, Dead Eye and King Dave

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Lefty, Clogs, Euro Bri and Shouty

2008 Season

• JMF wins -5



• Euro Elite - 7



• Draws - 0

The Week in Nonsense

Later than usual, due to the Bank Holiday, this weeks Nonsense news begins with the news that Basil Brush has been cleared of racism by Northamptonshire police. A member of the public, as in ONE person had complained to the feds about a sketch in which a gypsy tried to sell Basil some heather and pegs. It was reported to the forces Hate Crimes department, who after further investigation, have decided to take no further action. I wonder how many tax dollars were flushed down the toilet on this idiotic action. I still find it remarkable that one person can make a complaint this trivial, and it gets taken so seriously. I wish the West Yorkshire force had been as keen to investigate the toe rags who tried to break into my garage last spring. If you think I am pulling your leg, check out the BBC report here. The anti-smoking lobby are still at it as well. They think all cigarettes should be sold under the counter, and not be left on display, and all vending machines should be removed from pubs. They say leaving them out on open display may encourage kids to take up smoking. What utter bullshit. What next? Maybe we should hang a few smokers from lamp posts on busy roads, or feed them to lions at local sports stadia. Why can't they leave the poor fuckers alone? If the fags don't finish 'em off, it'll be the pneumonia from having to cower outside pubs in the freezing rain and wind. Well that's about it for this week, not an outstanding week for nonsense, but then again most of our glorious politicians were probably off gallivanting around the globe, big fat expenses checks in pocket.

Stop The Nonsense!!

A Message for Madonna

Please put it away. You are fast approaching 50, and the sight of you half dressed is icky, to say the least.

Bantams 1 Spireites 0

Typical City, lose to relegation threatened teams, and then turn over one in one of the playoff positions. It was a pretty drab affair, Thorne took his chance well, but apart from that it was all pretty ho-hum stuff. The keeper helped keep us in the match during the second half, Crespo reckons if Jack Lester had been playing the result might have been different, but City missed a glorious chance at the death, when Brown opted to shoot when Colbeck was wide open to his right. Afterwards we headed to Fanny's Ale House at Saltaire, and got bevied up on Warsteiner. Felt rough this morning, so must have been pretty fresh.

Baz Watch;

Our shiny headed hero only got on the pitch for the last five minutes, but looked fairly lively. Nearly scored with a header, putting it just over, and then played a lovely through ball that was wasted. Was a little whiny, and didn't look his best.

Pie Rating;

A double rating this week, one from myself the other from guest reviewer Crespo, who braved one of Valley Parades infamous "burgers." First the pie. It might have been because I was hungry, but it was well tasty. The temperature was perfect, it was stuffed full of filling, and the Hammonds Chop Sauce (is Valley Parade the only place you can get this lovely condiment?) topped it off brilliantly. Washed down with a beer, it gets a season high rating of 7/10.

The burger, alas, didn't fair so well with young Crespo. Dog shit was verdict, as he wondered out loud wether it actually consisted off any meat. a season low 1.5/10.

Happy Easter

I have been tied up over the Easter hols, and to be honest, Jack shit has been happening. It has been butt fuck cold, and everyone seems to be skint, although myself, Shouty and Crespo have rustled up enough cash to go for a few beers after City tomorrow. Whilst on the subject of the Mighty Bantams, me and Crespo, as well as Clogs and Young Gaz were playing five a side today, and when we got there all the City players who didn't feature in Saturdays game were all there training in the slot before us. Crespo tried to stroke Stuart McCalls Willy, but the Chilean proved to elusive for our hungover hero. It did not stop him asking McCall if there was a spot for him tomorrow. Not on today's performance, matey. Unlike myself, who will be wearing the number 9 shirt up front against Chesterfield tomorrow. Well I look a little bit like Big Baz anyway. A Mini Baz, if you will. Sorry to get side tracked, but the Wedding Crashers has just come on the telly. Am I the only person who thinks Will Ferrell is a one trick pony who, lets be honest, was never really that funny?

Le Grande Buffoon 2008-First Quarter Rankings

A slow start to 2008, although it does include the last months of 2007, means Le Maillot Jaune is still very much up for grabs. Last years runaway winner, the Funky Messiah, got off to a ripping start, his Boxing Day/New Years performance around Wilsden was of an extremely high quality, something we have come to expect from a perennial contender. He manged to get turfed out of Ropey's house party, for coming on to his missus, and then following her up to the kazi, and refused to get out. He then did a full frontal slide down the hill outside the village community hall, before knocking up his ex girlfriend, who took pity on him, and made sure he got home. We all thought this was the opening shots of what was going to be possibly the greatest buffoon year of all, but since then our early season favourite has gone quiet. The slack was picked up by Shouty, who many see as the most serious challenger to last years winner, in particular his lost weekend, when he was saved from oblivion by Crespo. After staying out all night, he decided to have a couple of liveners before retiring to catch up on some kip. These "liveners" resulted in myself and Crespo receiving numerous phone calls from the future Member of Parliament, who was in a fair old state. He pitched up at Crespos, who took him and sobered him up, then made room for him in his spare room. He reckoned later in the week to have been out till last orders, but Crespo said it was eight o'clock at latest. He was so drunk that they stopped serving him in the Prune. On the Bender Squad Xmas shindig he also tried to get some cash out of an obviously out of order cash point, and sat with a puzzled look on his face for about 10 minutes. I myself accrued plenty of buffoon points that evening, for reason I can not put in print, safe to say the were for the same indiscretion that saw Tony Helmet earn his points in the Villager. Shouty also earned himself some extra Brucie bonus points for a similar incident to both back at Helmets house, that I can vouch for, as I was there. Dazzler and Queso have also racked themselves a few scores from the Casino night, but in all that is about it. Dark horses John the Don and Mad Ad have beenkeeping a low profile, and the rest of the Squad have been acting far too sensibly. So with the first quarter up, the top five is as follows;

1. The Funky Messiah-His strong showing over the Christmas period sees him hold on to his first place, but coming up hard on the rails is;
2. The Right Honourable Shouty-At cats cock hair behind the 2007 champion, and with the pre season favourite seemingly to be growing up, he is now considered by most to be the new favourite, but things can change as he is followed in, albeit at some distance, by an annual dark horse;
3. European Bri-the Casino and Park episodes have seen me rise into the running fore the first time since Munich, but I would like to think this is more to do with the slow start to the year, rather than a slow descent into the realms of the two fellas above me. I am closely followed by;
4. The Boy Dazzler-Gains his high entry for being too drunk to be in a Casino, and losing his wallet last Saturday. Still gets drunker than any man this side of Lefty, and with a few foreign excursions ahead of us, is a good outside bet.
5. Tony Helmet-Included here more on reputation than performance, but the creaking chair that broke under his considerable girth was hilarious, and more than enough to earn him a spot in the top five.

As I have pointed out, the beginning of the year is always a quiet period, and as the weather warms up, so does the potential for idiocy. One person who would feature in the top three is Lefty, for his heroic effort in Otley, but his membership is still pending, although I would be more than happy to include him.

Lowen News

Great news, the Borussia M'gladbach game has been announced as being on the Sunday, 27th of April, at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This means myself, Shouty and The Boy will get to see Der Lowen play. After the previous run of form though, it is unlikely to be a six point promotion battle, a run of four draws has the Lions slip into eighth place, six points off the promotion places, whilst Monchengladbach are in first place 12 points ahead of TSV. The next issue is getting tickets for the game, but Bourussia's stadium holds just shy off 55,000, so we are more than hopeful.

There Goes Thursday Nights

The new Greys Anatomy series starts on Five tomorrow. I bet it still sucks cock big time.

How Did That Happen??

Somehow the JMF shirt lifters carved out a two goal victory last night. Although we were not at our best, big JohnnyM was carrying an injury and Shouty was nursing a bout of man flu, we still gave a good account of ourselves. Wayward shooting, step forward Mercenary, and even worse, a trio of goals that slipped through the legs of the aforementioned mercenary, Shouty and big John, proved ultimately to be the difference between glory and failure. The opening goal was the pick of the greased pig bunch, as the Mercenary actually took control of the ball, looked up with it firmly held in his hands, and then somehow managed to toss it between his legs into the back of the net. I personally have suspicions an Indian gambling ring may be involved. The MoFo built a six goal advantage on the back of their ill gotten fortune, but it couldn't last, and the final minutes were all Euro as we clawed our way back into contention. But with the game finely balanced, the cock suckers set in motion a dastardly time wasting ploy too preserve a rare victory. I hate those knob jockeys sooooo much.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Crespo, Funky, Dead Eye and Luklear War

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Mercenary, Clogs, Euro Bri and Shouty

2008 Season

• JMF wins -4



• Euro Elite - 7



• Draws - 0

Happy St Patricks Day

After this weekends deprivations, and with Easter bank holiday just round the corner, and even worse, an important meeting at work tomorrow, I will be spending Saint Pats at home. I did throw back a few Guinness's with big Frank yesterday, but the Elster collared me before I could get too toasted. We did have a pretty good session however after the game on Saturday night. Our new favourite city centre boozer, the City Vaults, was the scene of our drinking binge, and it was good to see the O.M.B. (original meatball) and a real blast from the past, Mr Whiteside out again. I thought I could argue the toss about politics, but I may have met my match in Simon, who definitely goes for the loud is best option when arguing. Highlight of the evening was Crespo's tale of abusing the Internet at work. He was called into see his manager about the amount of time he was surfing on the web, and in particular why he had visited a site called "The Bender Squad" on 58 separate occasions. To top it all, as he was telling us how he had to explain that he wasn't gay, the campest barman in Yorkshire was behind him collecting glasses, and came out in sympathy with poor old Crespo. Everything gets a bit hazy after this, I woke up on the sofa the next morning with an empty Subway sandwich bag next to me and a couple of oatmeal and raisin cookies on my chest. The Shoutster was yet a gain the last man out, he took himself off to Funkys with some geezer he bumped into, and I haven't heard from Crespo or Meatball since. The Boy Dazzler and Mr Whiteside were still at it when I last spoke to him at about 11o'clock the next morning. Dazzler did lose his wallet however, but didn't seem to perturbed as he and Simon were heading out to do the hair of the dog. There is talk of a mini bender Good Friday afternoon, I will put together a plan of action later in the week, and for the FA Cup final bender on the 17th of May, we have decided to go to Shoutys turf, Shipley. I will leave the decision on the venue up to the Right Honourable.