Rednecks Rule

Drunk with A redneck, and an Amish Geezer. Groovy.

Baking in the Ohio Sun

Hello from sunny Tiffin, where it is red hot. Been unable to get to a PC for a spell, combination of too much beer, and the fact my wi-fi ready mobile arrived at my house five minutes after I left for the airport. Typical. Was hoping to relay the Wood score from last night, but Crespo didn't face book the score, although it appears the Funky Messiah may have been injured quite badly. Perhaps he broke his hymen..... Anyway it is far to nice outside to be sat at a computer, so I am off for a swim (please insert whale joke here) and then for some cold brews. Will hopefully catch up sooner then last time.

Too Much, Two Scoops

He had been missing for a while, and all the members of the Righteous Elite had their concerns, but Two Scoops returned not just intact, but improved. During his long lay off he must have been practising with his left foot, cause everything it hit hit, flew in. Of course this was not a one man show, and both the mercenary and Clogs filled their boots on the scoring front, but it was nice to see scoops back on song. Unless you are loose arsed rent boy and play for the JMF. Not their finest moment tonight, and as every week passes, my suspicions that they don't much like each other, are confirmed. But hey, three on the bounce, and we have got the deficit back to one. Will it remain? What you asking me for? I am off on a three week jaunt to American colonies, so I can only hope and pray the Crespo and Big Phil can maintain the momentum ( Mercenary is also off for a fortnight) So on that note I am off, as I have a moderately early start tomorrow.

JMF- Crespo, King Dave, Funky, Luklear War and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Mercenary, Big Phil and Two Scoops

2010 Season

JMF wins - 10

Euro Elite - 9


Draws - 0

Steady Cup

Well our annual jamboree for the FA Cup didn't quite pan out as planned. Myself and helmet were primed and ready to hook up with the Wakefield Massive, but one by one the Bradford lads backed out. Crespo finally turned up, at quarter past two, but at least he brought Patty with him. The Lord Clyde was chosen as the venue, which would have been good, but for one thing. They had Horse racing on, and we got fleeced. Nobody did ought on the match itself, so by three o'clock we were a tad skint. Even more so Helmet, who lost £70 on the bus on the way into town. Une Point. The day seemed set fair for much buffoonery, but after our rinsing by the local book keep, the wind was taken from our sails. The rest of the evening was fairly non descript. In fact I was home for around ten, I didn't really want to draw any more cash, and left the rest to get shit faced in the Villager. Next year is the tenth anniversary of our yearly shindig, and mention was made of perhaps an over nighter down to London. There is plenty of time to mull it over.

Bantams Season Review 2009/10

I nearly forgot to post my annual review of the Bantams season performance, and with good reason. It was without a shadow of a doubt the most forgetful one in recent history. After two years of under performance, hopes were not as high as in previous campaigns. Combine this with a tightening of the purse strings, and there was a whiff of imminent disaster approaching. A 5-0 thrashing in the first game, was a harbinger of things to come, and although we never seriously flirted with relegation, we never got a sniff of the play off spots either. Stuart McCall seemed to go into melt down, and the players looked to lose all confidence, and fair play to the ginger fella, he held up his hands and walked away. My personal opinion is that he should have stood by his promise to resign at the completion of last season. He is a stand up guy, and a true City Legend, but he doesn't look manager material. Too much one of the lads I fear. This meant we got new man at the helm, and everybody was pretty excited that we landed Peter Taylor, a man with a proven record at this level, to drag us out of this woeful league. Hopes are high for next term, but money is going to be tight, and season ticket sales are already down, falling below 10,000 for the first time since 2007.

Player of the Year
The choice was only really between two players, Hanson and Ramsden, and at this point I have to admit a certain amount of bias, as I am mates with James Hansons old man. In my defence, he did finish top scorer, and swept the boards at clubs official award ceremony. For a kid playing his first season as a pro, I thought he did well. Yes, he lost his way in the early new year, but by that time, the whole team was pretty much performing the same. Taylors arrival seemed to give him a confidence boost, and apart from a season ending injury, finished strongly.

Biggest Disappointment
Take your pick. Zesh was a target for the boo boys, which I felt was unfair, but it has to be said, when the guy sucks, he sucks big time. Evans is a tough one too rate, the boy runs. And runs. And runs. but that is about it. Still he chips in with a few scores, and does give it his all. Luke O'Brien had a shocking start, but once moved into midfield, by Taylor, looked much better. But the biggest disappointment had to be McCall. He kept faith with too many players who didn't get it done the previous year (Boulding, Clarke, Thorne, Bullock) and at times seemed completely clueless as what to next. I truly wish the man well, but I fear we have thrown our best chances of getting out of the bottom tier, on a guy who seemed to be employed more as season ticket seller, than a coach/manager of any skill.

Away Day
With City being so woeful, we found it hard to get motivated by trips to games. Darlington was dismal, and bloody freezing. Accrington tried to kill my trainers. Morecambe did have it's moments, but for me, the best away day, was when me and the good Dr Shotgun travelled over the hills to Rochdale, for a mid week game in the prestigious Johnstones Paint Trophy. Good grub, cheap beer, and a surprising victory, on a very pleasant autumn night. Not bad at all.

Pie of the Year
One saving grace was the vast improvement in the pies down at Valley Parade. Somebody must have finally told the half wits who serve that the ovens do not have to kept at temperature level of magma. The Steak and Kidney was worthy of special praise. I actually managed to get through three of em. In one half. But no matter how much they came on from last year, they just fell short of Rochdales, who win my pie of the year award for the second season in a row. Darlington was poor, and they ran out on my second run, just as I got to the head of the queue, after lining up for almost 20minutes. Accrington, amazingly did not even sell them, although the hoardings around the ground advertised them, the teasing bastards. Still, barring a cup tie, we will have a new winner come 2011, as Rochdale finally got promoted out of the bottom league for the first time since 1807. Previous winners:

• 2010 Rochdale
• 2009 Rochdale
• 2008 Lincoln (for it's sausage sarnie. Lush.)
  

Pipped at the Post

It was the closest ever end to the race to be crowned Bendership Dream Team Champion. A mere seven points were the difference between myself and Machine, who prevailed for the second year running. My transfer bringing in Fabregas, just as he sustained a season ending injury was probably the difference, and I finished second for the third year in a row. Big John B finished third, which meant the top three were the same as last year. Still there is only one name that goes on the roll of honour, which looks thus:

• 2010- Machine
• 2009- Machine
• 2008- Big John B
• 2007- Lobon (although Funky hotly contests this)
  
• 2006- Shouty

Wooden spoon, by some distance, went to Crespo. There is, of course, a break for summer, and as soon as next seasons competition opens I will contact those who have participated.

Bender Time

There isn't as many of us originally hoped, but it is the Cup Final today, and tradition demands a Bender. Myself and the Helmet are meeting up within the next couple of hours, and are making our way to a new sports bar in Wakefield, where we will be hooking up with Sprocket, Big JohnnyM, Dr Shotgun, Plus One and Dessi. The Boy Dazzler will be making himself available as soon as work commitments allow. The plan later is to head back to Saltaire for a few sherberts, Mercenary will be joining the festivities at this point. I was hoping to update the days shenanigans via twitter and this blog, but those plans have been scuppered, as I left my phone at the bottom of the stairs last night, and then promptly stood on it, rendering it completely and utterly useless. Buffoon point to the Brister. Which brings me nicely on to another score, as the current title holder finally got off the mark last week. Helmet managed to run out of petrol, 800 metre from the pub, and had to jog on to make last orders. I bet it was the first exercise he has taken in many a moon. So below are the latest standings, although if history is anything to go by, I will be updating again tomorrow.

Updated Buffoon Standings

1. Trigger 50 points
2. El Grande Queso 14 points
3. Euro Bri 14 points
   
4. Crespo 13 points
5. Child Catcher 11 points
   
6. Gareeeeeee 4 points
7. Sprocket 3 points
8. Dr Shotgun 3 points
   
9. Mikey D 3 Points
10. John the Don 3 points
11. Shouty 3 points
12. Dessi 2 points
    
13. San 1 Point
14. Major 1 point
15. Tony Helmet 1 point
    

Fall Out

They only get along when their winning! That should be the official chant of the JMF, as they bickered and sulked to a convincing defeat down the Wood on Wednesday night. Another fine display by the Righteous Elite saw us take an early lead, and keep it all they way through to the end. The MoFo cause wasn't helped by the injuries to Dead Eye, who spent most of the evening on the floor. First up he did his ankle. Then the other one. I am such there was another couple of knocks, but the finishing move was the spinning ball to the eye. Don't have too much sympathy for the shirt lifters, we suffered similarly a month back when Two Scoops pulled up and we were stuffed. The Gaylords did show some fight, they even got within a brace of equalising, but the effort to gain parity left gaping holes in their rearguard, and our handsome advantage was soon reinforced. This was too much for the batty boys, and the sniping and name calling got underway. I don't reckon the JMF like each other, and only get along when the going is good. Long may their falling out continue

JMF- Dead Eye, King Dave, Funky, Luklear War and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, The Mercenary, Shouty and Crespo

2010 Season

JMF wins - 10


Euro Elite - 8


Draws - 0

Time Flies

When you are as busy as! Work commitments, and getting all my shit ready for my imminent jaunt to the USA means that I have had no time to update anything on the blog for the best part of a week. I was going to get caught up tonight, but then Geevers rang, so it is off to the George instead. Combine that with tomorrows FA Cup shindig, and I will endeavour to catch up on Sunday, hangover and the Elster not withstanding. The numbers making the trip to Wakefield are low at the moment, but we will be hooking up with Jonesy and the Boy Dazzler, and then probably heading around Saltaire.

Always the Bridesmaid?

The Premiership may well have ended, but the annual Bendership Dream Team has one more week to run. It is a two horse race, between myself in second, and last years champion Machine to be crowned champion. Machine will be attempting to become the first repeat winner, and has a 25 point advantage with just two games left. Of these matches, the Europa Cup Final, and the FA Cup final, he has only one player, Fat Frankie Lampard, but his points are void, as he is also in my team. So my chance of glory rests in the hands of two Fulham players Bobby Zamora and Arron Hughes, and even more importantly, Chelsea's Didier Drogbha. Three goals and a clean sheet should see me home and dry, but it will be tight.

Of course, I shall be cheering the Blues on from a bar in Wakefield, on our ninth annual FA Cup bender. This is the first year we are venturing outside of Bradford, due mainly to the fact that there ain't no where showing the game in the city centre. Any way, a change is as good as a break, so the saying goes. If there are any changes to the plans, I shall post them in good time.

Be Wary of What You Wish

If there was ever proof that the grass is always greener, today's resignation by Gordon brown is it. Here I am, finally seeing the demise of the man who has instigated some of the most idiotic legislation ever passed as law, thinking "About time," when the penny dropped. If the Lib Dems decide to throw their lot in with the Labour party, and form a coalition Government, that would mean number 10 would still have a Red Prime Minister. Would that be so bad? Make your own mind up, when you consider that the front runners to be the head honcho at Westminster would be the Milliband boys and Ed Balls, possibly the three most contemptible buffoons, currently drawing breath. Hot on their heels is Shouty's "objet du désir " good old Harriet Harman. If any of these clowns gets the keys to 10 Downing Street, I shall be dusting off my passport, and consider emigrating. One unelected PM was bad enough, but two on the bounce? Do me a favour...

I Don't Think So

They reckon that staying is the new going out. Well I tried it this weekend and trust me, it's not. Thank God for the Family Guy weekend on the usually shite BBC Three. Can you believe they have a show called Autistic Driving School on this little watched channel? The mind truly boggles......

Farewell Gordon???

I can't quite get my head round how Labour still have a chance of winning this election. Never mind the fact that after 13 years running the show that we find ourselves in the biggest pickle since the Second World War, and they seem to think that none of it is their fault, but that they could end up polling only the third biggest vote total and still end up with the most seats in Parliament. How the devil does that work? Forgive my naivety, but I understood a democracy worked on the assumption that the person/party that garnered the highest number of votes won, and henceforth earned the right too govern. I could even understand if there were some arcane law from way back that might let the second place guy sneak in, but third? And then there is the Labour hierarchy. Leaving Gordon aside for a moment, but the thought of Ed Balls, Harriet Harperson, the Milliband boys remaining in charge is enough to make the skin crawl. Even more stomach churning is Shouty's confession that he wouldn't mind bending Ms Harperson over and giving her a right good seeing too! Just as well we were to lazy/skint to run him as a potential Member of Parliament. Then again seeing her face as he leered across the floor would have been well amusing.

My other bug bear is the two main parties bleating on about how damaging a hung Parliament would be too the economy. Not having one has worked out really well, hasn't it? Combine this with the knowledge that the German economy has purred along much better than ours, with no majority party in control, since 1945, and I personally don't understand what the fuss is about. Anyway, if that's the way the country votes, that's the way it is, get used to it. My suspicion is the the Tories will probably just sneak through, which is fine and dandy with me, and hopefully they will implement their threat to repel all the ludicrous laws passed by Blair, Brown and all their acolytes since 1997. Please, please, please, anybody but Gordon.

PS
Am I the only one who finds Sky News boast that they will be showing all their election coverage in High Definition odd? Why on Earth would anybody want to see the collection of Munters running for office in HD? Too a man, and indeed woman, they are all blessed with faces best suited to radio....

Crespo Redemption

What a difference a week makes. last Wednesday Crespo was in cow's backside with a banjo mode, this week he was Gerd Muller, Gary Linekar and Jimmy Greaves all rolled into one. At first he was off the pace, but once he slotted in his first, the flood gates opened. The JMF held on for a spell, but at last the Righteous Elite clicked into gear and broke our woeful losing streak. Everybody played their part, Clogs and myself found some form. and the last gasp substitute, Big JohnnyM played as if a regular. But a special mention goes out to the Shoutster. It was his sublime trap and finish that got us under way, and even though the nefarious shirt lifters deprived him a perfectly legitimate goal, he answered with a thunderbolt to wreak his revenge. Our victory was so complete in fact, that we even began to give the sac lovers every disputed call, which wound them up even more. This rage then blinded them too tall doe eyed males called Kevin, and he found himself unmarked, time and again. And he made them pay big time as we ran out comfortable ten goal plus winners. My big worry is that we used up all our goals in one night, and next week will see the return of high, wide and handsome shooting. But maybe, just maybe, the spell has been broken, and we will return to our early season supremacy.

JMF- Dead Eye, Young Gaz, Funky, Luklear War and Jamon

EURO E- Euro Bri, Clogs, Big Phil, Big JohnnyM and Crespo

2010 Season

JMF wins - 10


Euro Elite - 7


Draws - 0

Crickey!!!!

I wasn't going to post anything today, having to work Bank Holidays sucks ass, and doesn't put me in the best of moods, but something happemed to me on Sunday that hasn't happened in a looooong time, and I couldn't resist sharing it. Saturday was the Bantams last home game of the season, so afterwards it was off to the pub to sink much beer and talk shite. Of course this meant I didn't eat much, so I woke up starving, and still a bit inebriated if truth be told. A greasy fry up was the order of the day, so down to Bradfords finest greasy spoon I went. God knows how it happened, but I caught the eye of a young twenty something girl, and flashed her the legendary Brister smile. She smiled back, and pleasantries were exchanged, before my cardiac arrest on a plate arrived. She waved and left the cafe, and that was that, so I thought, before her mate strode up to me, and said "My friend wants you to have this," and tipped me a wink. I had scored a phone number no less. I confess to being quite shocked, and my ego began to burst at the seams. That is until my 11 year old daughter clicked what had occurred, and burst out laughing. For a good five minutes. I thought at one point that she might require oxygen, she laughed that hard, and when we got home, of course, she filled the Elster in with all the details. What was even worse, was the Elster started laughing just as hard. Personally I don't see what was so funny, seeing as I am so fine, but trying telling that to the girls I share a home with. Still it is good ammunition for the next time I fancy a knee trembler, as if the Elster is not compliant, I shall threaten to summon my nubile admirer.