Le Grande Buffoon 2008

It is getting towards that time of year. The nights are drawing in, and with only six weeks left, there has been a burst of fuck wittery in the race to be crowned Le Grande Buffoon 2008. So I have decided to flesh out the current running order, and give a brief outline why that person occupies his position. If I have missed anything out, or have been too harsh on one of the mentioned, please alert me via either the comments section below, or if you see me down the pub;

1. Shouty- A fallow period for the Right Honourable, since his halcyon days around the time of our TSV 1860 trip he has been a paragon of sensibility. But it was a strong showing early on that has kept him ensconced at the summit of stupidity. Trying to get cash out of a broken ATM, Dusseldorf train station, the Sticky toilet paper incident and passing out in a Cologne gutter are the stand out moments from his 2008 campaign
2. Tony Helmet- A close call between second and third, but Helmet knicks it for me due to his remarkable habit of making a helmet of himself on such a regular basis. You Shut Up! in Dublin, the Munich incident at the Malt Shovel and the continual verbal Faux Pas he seems dish up hourly when on the lash. I know it seems harsh, there isn't one huge stand out display of buffoonery from the perennial challenger, but I suspect if anyone is too topple the Shoutster, it will be the Behemoth of Buffoon.
3. The Funhy Messiah- Last years runaway winner set the early pace, and appeared a shoe in to repeat his Maillot Jaune winning performance of the previous twelve months. But since the turn of the year nothing. After crashing Ropeys Xmas party and trying to hump anything with a pulse in the Wilsden district over the Festive period, he has completely disappeared. He may well being casting his brand of Knobheadery in an other district, but as far as I can tell, he has been idiot free for the duration of 2008. He may yet come back into the reckoning, but it looks unlikely he will retain his title.
4. Lefty- A true dark horse, and with this weekends beer festival, and a free pass from his missus could yet storm to the top. His sustained display of Buffoonery during the Otleyfest is probably the finest I have bore witness to in a single night. Spicy Soup and Vodka, twice, followed by a similar mix with an even hotter sauce in the next bar. The subsequent spewing up of milk. Taking us all for the best hot beef sandwich in Yorkshire in a pub. "when did you finish serving food" he enquired. "1986" was the reply. Generally making a nuisance of himself for the rest of the evening. The last time I was out with him he passed the time by kicking fat birds up the arse as they went past him. Strong outside tip.
5. European Bri- I suppose I have to accept that spending so much time with idiots has got to rub off, and this year I have fallen foul to some idiot japes of my own. Falling asleep in a pile of my own puke on a train in the middle of Germany, teaching Helmet the "You Shut Up!!" chant, waking up with a spring roll stuck to my chest, and other misdemeanours all add up, and although I don't believe I will crack the top four, I have to accept my position at the middle of the pack
6. El Grande Queso- Now this was another close one, between sixth and seventh, but he sneaks it for an incident I was lucky to find out about. His main reason for finding himself so high up in the running is the Casino incident. Having racked up a healthy loss, the grande fromage of the Bender Squad decided he still wanted to live it large, so brandishing his battered credit card ordered steak and champagne. Already well pissed, he decided against the use of cutlery to eat his slab of meat, and instead decided use his hands in the manner of an extremely hungry cave man, to dine on his late supper. Loudly. When asked if could keep his voice down, Stevie went into the now infamous "Don't you know who I am!" routine while, wafting a grilled piece of beef at the doorman. He was shepherded to the exit by two bouncer, demanding their names, saying they would never work in this town again , all while waving his half eaten steak at all and sundry. The other reason for him featuring above the chap just below him was modem incident. He couldn't get it to work, and rang up to see why this was. He told the chap on the other end of the phone that it wasn't working and the only light that was on was the standby light. "You see the button on the top of the modem" said the geezer in technical support. "press it, it's the on button." Get in there Queso.
7. The Paulcano- A very recent addition to this years list, only week in fact, as our pocket Etna erupted on our recent visit to Dublin. Suffice to say Paulcano 0 Horse 1. He may be too late to make any in roads this year, but I suspect this is not the last time he will feature on this list. One to keep an eye on in 2009
8. John the Don- Just because he is John the Don.
   

There are a few on the cusp, but none to match the eight that I have chosen. Or is there? Time will be called on the 31/10/08, and I have replaced the Fadge or Vadge poll with one for who should be christened "Le Grande Buffoon 2008", although my verdict will remain final. If you vote now, remember you can change your vote at anytime before the poll closes, just in case someone makes a move after you have voted. May the biggest fool win.