Le Grande Buffoon 2008

It is nearly that time of year, and with only a month to stake a claim, it is pretty much nip and tuck and the top. The Funky Messiah, who looked a lock to be the first back to back winner, has, rather disappointingly, seemed to have grown up, and apart from the Xmas episode at Ropeys, has been nowhere to be seen. Still it was an epic display of stupidity, and keeps him well within the running. In the same group pushing for the hallowed jersey is Shouty, and myself. Shouty's lost weekend of sticky toilet paper and being refused service in the Prune Park rivals Funkys festive frolics as a one off piece of idiocy. Combine this with his toilet capers in Dusseldorf, and I reckon we have front runner. In the bronze medal place I would have to place new comer Lefty, his hot sauce drinking stunt in Otley was priceless, and to be honest might even be worthy a winning on it's own. It will be interesting to see if he can sustain his rookie attempt at the Shipley beer festival two weeks hence. A true loose cannon in the finest tradition. And me? Well I don't think I have a one off to rival my fellow Squad members, but a series of numb ones. Getting caught doing ninety in a fifty five mile an hour zone, the diving head first on to the bottom of a swimming pool and clearing a train compartment outside Leverkusen, all add up, but lack that knockout blow, so I figure to be running fourth at time of press. Who else deserves a mention? El Grande Queso and his non working modem. When he rang up to see why it wasn't working, it turned out he hadn't switched on from standby. Doh! The Boy Dazzlers disappearing act. An expensive one at that. Helmet is a long shot at the moment, but now he no longer has to work Saturdays, is a dark horse, and with the pooping his pants incident at the Dons birthday do, and his two mouthfuls and gipping effort only the other week, could yet see him usurp the rest. And he has a weekend in Dublin to navigate as well. With the Ireland excursion, the Saltaire Brewing festival and the Boy Dazzlers birthday, all before the end of the month, the season has hit what Sir Alex Ferguson likes to call "Squeaky Bum time" and this year, there is all to buffoon for.