Guten Tag

Hello from snowy Salzburg. I am once again on a European adventure, in search of cold beer and adventure. Unfortunatley love is off the menu, as I am here with the old trouble and strife the Elster, and the two rascals, George and Ike. Have to say this is a very beautiful town. Have so far found three beer kellers, an Irish bar and one lap dancing joint. Doing the Sound of Music tour on Wendesday, and am off out for my big 40 tomorrow. Can one of you post Wendsday's five a side score? I am relying on you Mercenary. Auf Wiedersehn!!

Going Somewhere England Aren't

Can you guess what it is yet?? That's right I am off to Austria for a few days to chill, see some snow, drink some schnapps and on Tuesday turn forty. I know a lot of you thought I reached this milestone during the Octoberfest, but no matter how hard I tried to convince the organisers that Novemberfest had a catchier title, they refused to move the dates. Something to to do with a tradition spreading over the previous 168 years or something. So me, the Elster, the bambinos, Ma and Frank are of to the birthplace of Motzart, and the setting of the Sound of Music, Salzburg. See you when I return.




All together now,



Do a deer, a female deer.......

Bantams 1 County 1

Or is that Bantams 1 Referee 1? I am not one for blaming match officials, but the clowns in charge of this game were woeful. Matt Clarke must have boned the referees missus, because every time he went within 10 metres of a County player he gave a free kick. A worse fate befell Higginbottom, who walked for an innocuous challenge deemed worthy of a second bookable offence. Big Dave Ndumbu-Nsungu scored a corker, but at the death the visitors scored an undeserved equaliser.

Baz Watch; Collected splinters in his arse for the first 87 minutes, before bursting on to the pitch to rattle the Stockport defence. One or two nice touches, and won a corner in injury time. No moaning, can't remember what colour his boots were.

Hot Dog Rating; 100/10 That's right, according to this weeks guest reviewer, the Ikester, the hot dogs at Valley Parade are 10 times better than perfection. But seeing as he is only seven years old, and thinks that anything he likes is the greatest invention of all time, I fear his rating may be slightly on the over rated side. All I know is he seems to end up with more ketchup on his face than on the dog, it keeps him quite for about 37 seconds, and he eats all of it. Being that it is sold at a football ground, it is of course wildly overpriced. We are hoping to go to the Mansfield Town game on the third of December, so I am looking forward to trying a new pie.

Yodel Eh He NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

All that practising for nothing. Last night Mr Charisma carried out what he had been threatening for the last 18 months, and oversaw England's failure to qualify for next summers Euro 2008. I wish at this moment I could muster a rant to truly give vent to my spleen, but deep down I know we got what we deserved. Who amongst you can say you are truly surprised we didn't make it? The day the clueless Barwick appointed the clueless McLaren, should have had us all running to the bookies to lay bets on Russia and Croatia finishing above us. To prove how inept these folk are, they are now contemplating a Home Countries competition. Great, a tournament to decide the best team among four nations who couldn't make the grade. Let's be honest can you see Wayne, Stevie, Frank, Rio and company giving up the chance to blow some of that "hard" earned brass in the Caribbean? Do you really want to see an England back four comprising Mark Bower, Richard Edgehill, Mick Mills and Terry Butcher? Screw that. But isn't the situation the England team find themselves in endemic of what is going on throughout the UK as a whole? Is it me, or does it seem every high level post in both business and government seems to be populated by brain dead half wits, with a habit of making decisions of such colossus ineptitude that it makes the mind boggle? Think about it. Northern Rock. Child Benefit. NHS. BBC. ITV. The FA. Fairpack. Iraq. The list is endless. Yet the instigators of the these massive fuck ups are not just rewarded, but are showered with pound notes, in honour of their epic failure. I blame the culture of rewarding arse lickers whose only talent is to agree with any idea from a superior, no matter how idiotic it may appear. For all of you out there who agree, and you know I am right, you know what time it is.

It is time to STOP THE NONSENSE!!

Only Your Barber Will Know for Sure

My arse! Some of you may or may not be aware that the right Honourable Shouty has returned to live in his town of origin, Shipley. This little burg is , as you may or may not know, infamous for it's lack of style and fashion sense. So to blend in into his new habitat he decided, for reasons best known to only himself, to have red highlights put into his hair?!? I know!! Anyway the erstwhile hero of this little tale also decided to save himself a bob or two, and took himself down his local branch of evil, Asda, to buy the equipment to carry out his mission of gay. Now most of you can by now guess the outcome, and our intrepid idiot ended up with a head the colour of a cherry tomato. Even in Shipley, this would mark him out as a buffoon on an epic scale, so it was back to the dark side, Asda, to purchase a black Grecian dye, to return to his "natural" state. So his hair is now not just black, but it is BLACK, and looks like an ill fitting syrup (wig to those unfamiliar with rhyming slang). My buffoon account may well have been opened, but it was an accident bought on by a case of knob headery, where as the Shoutsters was a pre-meditated assault of buffoonery upon his own bonce. Gentlemen, this race for 2008 has truly begun.

Stalemate Down the Wood

The last chance saloon is where the cock munching JMF are now doing their drinking. After drawing last night, they remain three down with only four left to play. Yet it could have been worse. early exchanges favoured the righteous, who at one point commanded a four goal lead, and seemed to riding out to victory. The MoFo were all over the place at this point, King Dave even taking out team leader Jamon in spectacular style, as the bickering set in. But credit where credit is due, they did not let their heads drop as in previous weeks, and when the Mercenary forgot which side he was playing for and gifted Jamon a goal, we found the scores were back to all square. This shocked us so deeply that within five minutes we were staring down the barrel, as some dead eye action saw us go three down, with time running out. Yet again we dug deep, Young Gaz and Dr Shotgun combined well to pull us back into the game, when a moment of King Dave madness granted us a penalty. As I waited for a JohnnyM pass to come through the area, a flipper like size twenty trainer wandered into the area to divert the ball, a stone cold penalty. Gaz converted, and before you could say "JMF suck knob" big JohnnyM had put us into the lead. It was left to Luklear War to rescue a draw at the death, although he whined like a bitch about the penalty, and tried to claim victory for the anus obsessed MoFo. poor misguided soul. This means it could be all over next week for the shirt lifters as they can afford no more slip ups.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Funky Pedestrian, King Dave, Lukelear War and Dead Eye

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Dr Shotgun, Euro Bri, Young Gaz and The Mercenary

2007 Season

• JMF wins -19


• Euro Elite - 22


• Draws - 5

Still Think ID Cards are a Good Idea??

Well, well, well. The government that has used the excuse of protecting us from fraud and identity theft, to foist its ID card scheme on us, has only gone and LOST the bank details, national insurance number, date of birth, home address and names of 25 MILLION PEOPLE!! The Chancellor has said that there is no evidence that it has fallen into criminal hands, but we should monitor our bank accounts "for unusual activity". Of course it wasn't his fault, it was some junior minister, but it still beggars belief. If I am not mistaken a bank that lost details of 100,000 of its customers on a stolen laptop was fined a million nicker. Apparently the two discs containing the information were lost in transit by the courier company TNT. It gets better, they weren't even sent recorded or registered. Can you imagine what will happen if it does fall into the wrong hands? The BBC website has even gone so far to advise folk who may be affected to change banking passwords that contain birth dates or family names. And these clowns still want us all to put all kinds of personal information on a government run database? They cannot be serious. When is this country going to wake up and do something about the buffoons that are hell bent on running this great country into the ground? If its not telling us what to eat, what to drink, where to smoke, what to say and then charging us through the ass for the privilege, it's planning hair brained schemes to erode our taken for granted freedoms, and losing our bank details.

Do you know what time it is????

It is time to STOP THE NONSENSE!!!!!

McCurses!!!

Yarrrrggh, ye jolly rodgering blow fish molesters, it be McTuesday. The cursed McMercenary made him self a swift two doubloons last week, he be guessin' I be guffin me McMuffin at the McTrafford centre near Manchester. Damn he to Davy Jones's locker. This be meanin a solitary soverign be up fer grabs if ye can be guessin;

"Where Be MMMMcEuro??"

BORED!!

What a shitty week it has been, and it's only Monday. Still can't win that frigging lottery, and work today was even shittier than usual. I can't even muster a rant concerning all this nonsense over disability allowance. Stop paying anybody who isn't bed/wheelchair ridden, and see how fast they get of their big, fat lazy, stessed arse's and get a job. Simple. I can't even get excited about the imminent snore fest Mr Charisma and his next England selection are preparing to inflict on us. I might visit my GP and claim to be suffering from L.M.F. ( Lazy Mother Fucker), and see if I can't take a vacation at the expense of the British tax payer. Oh my mistake, all that money is being used to prop up a bank that recently paid off it's former board members with six figure golden handshakes. And somebody PLEASE tell the advertisers Christmas is still over five weeks away. I don't know, maybe it's my time of month. Hopefully I'll be in better spirits tomorrow. In fact I think there's some beer in the fridge. Funny, I feel chirpier already. Adios.

Doggy Dooooooooooo!

Don't know if this qualifies for buffoon points, but I will let you be the judge. I was at work on Friday, and it was fast approaching beer o'clock, and I got bogged down on a job. Wanting to make sure I got a seat for the game, I was running around this guys house trying to find out where his wiring was damaged. After checking everything out and making sure it was working I jumped in my van to get off home. After about a quarter of a mile I was overwhelmed by the stench of dog shit. Pulling over I checked the bottom of my boots and found I must have stood the biggest pile of dog dirt EVER. It was about an inch thick on the soles of my shoes. I gingerly removed the offending piece of footwear, went to the curb, and began to whack them on the ground to remove the thickest of it. On the third or fourth whack, a bit of shit flew in the opposite direction to the rest and landed in my right eye! To make matters even worse it got lodged between my upper and lower eye lashes so I could see it. After several seconds of extreme swearing and shrieking, I managed to wipe it off with some clean wipes, and then poured a half a bottle of eye cleanser in to make sure it was cleaned out. Slowly my breathing returned to normal, and I went to put my boot back on. But something was rattling around my toes. You guessed it, another rouge piece of shit had found it's way into my shoe, and preceded to smear all over my socks! Now I consider this to be plain bad luck, but I am sure a few of the Squad will believe the first shots have been fired in the struggle to to attain Le Maillot Jaune 2008.

Fingers Crossed Time

Sorry about the lack of blog action lately, but been tied up with other shit. Last night watched the England Austria snore fest down the George (it is always advisable to have plenty of booze to hand when they are playing). Again, if that is the best we can muster, against a piss poor team to boot, it almost makes me wonder if qualification is worth the effort. Beckham is past it, and playing him in a friendly to get him up to match speed is laughable. Lampard and Gerrard in the middle? How many shit games do they have to play in tandem to make someone realise it doesn't work? As we speak Israel are winning one nil, but after last nights showing can we be assured of beating, or even drawing with Croatia? Well if they pull it off, great we can all start practising our yodelling, conversely, if we fail, we get the satisfaction of Mr Charisma getting the boot, and finding his true coaching level somewhere in the Championship league one.

Elite Lay Smackdown 24/7

Step forward Shouty, Young Gaz, Euro Bri, Dr Shotgun and Big JohnnyMedia, as last night a performance was achieved that will likely never be topped. In the first meeting in months of the correctly filled line-ups, perfection was nearly attained. One team passed and moved, tackled and covered, saved and shot with such brilliance that their opponents were reduced to a crying bitch like rubble. Twenty four goals flew past various shirt lifters representing the JMF between the sticks, who then could mange to scramble a mere seven goals in response. That, for the numerically challenged among you, adds up to a beating of seventeen goals. No matter how much they stamped their feet, accused us of cheating or plain bleated, the fact remains the smackdown was laid down on the cock munching MoFo on an unheralded scale. Young G ran up a cricket score for his personal goal tally, closely followed by the good Doctor and JohnnyM, who caused mayhem on the overlap. Shouty put the brakes on Dead Eye, and left the way clear for myself to direct the attacking flow from a deep lying position. Everybody also played a part in nets, and at the risk of blowing ones trumpet, I was especially brilliant. So what went wrong for the MoFo? Who gives a rats arse, I would say they were shit, but that would be denigrating turds the world over. There will be tears on pillows tonight. The margin of error for the JMF is now slim, as the Righteous Euro have regained their three game advantage, with only five left to play.



EASY! EASY! EASY!



YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTT
UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Funky Pedestrian, King Dave, Lukelear War and Dead Eye

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Dr Shotgun, Euro Bri, Young Gaz and Shouty

2007 Season

• JMF wins -19


• Euro Elite - 22


• Draws - 4

Le Grande Buffoon 2008

It has been pointed out to me that with the Funky Pedestrian picking up the 2007 title with nearly two months left of the year, what happens to any idiocy that may occur in the mean time? Well for all you noodle headed numb skulls out there, don't worry. Any buffoonery that happens between now and the new year, will be carried forward to the race for the 2008 Maillot Jaune. As in previous years, the lead that had be accrued by the eventual winner had become to great to overcome, hence the early awarding. So don't fear all you eejits who were worrying that any examples of supreme knob headery would not go unrewarded.

McTuesday be Back

Yarrgghh, ye spunk spillin' boy botherers, McOdyssey returns to its rightful night this week. This week two doubloons be fer the takin' as none of ye booty sniffers could be figurin' that I be Maccin' me midriff in downtown McHalifax, West Yorkshire. If ye not be belivin' me pay yer self a visit. It be done up like a bad seventies dram. Back to more traditional McPhoto's this week, can any of ye be guessin;

"Where Be MMMcEuro??"

Keep the15th of December Free

Dangerous Pete is dragging his feet organising his round the world expedition, so with Christmas fast approaching, it is time to put the Xmas Bender back on the agenda. If Pete hasn't sorted out his Bon Voyage shindig by then, I am more than happy to resurrect the Hebden Bridge soiree. That is unless somebody else has a better plan.

Second Succesive Goaless Draw for Der Lowen

Der Lowen slipped to fourth in the table after playing out a 0-0 draw against BourussiaM'gladbach, in front of 31,000 at the Allianz tonight. This unfortunately sees them slip to fourth in the table, five points behind their opponents. The good news is they have made the last 16 of the German cup, and will play fellow Bundesliga 2 team Aachen, who are coincidentally a twin town of Halifax. I have found this English text sight of the official Bundesliga website, click here to view. According to this site, the return fixture in Mönchengladbach, is on the 27/04/08 at 14:00, which falls into our time frame brilliantly (although the official TSV website still lists the fixture as between 25/04 and the 28/04). I am still up for it, as is Queso, King Dave and Dazzler, and with a 54,019 seater stadium, I can't see tickets being a problem. In fact I am now a member of TSV, and can apply for tickets in the away end on line.


"EINMAL LÖWE, IMMER LÖWE"

Beer...Brain Food?

Well it's Sunday morning and for the first time in weeks I have no hangover. No headache. No nauseousness. No idea. That's right, I feel top of the world, ready to get plenty done, and I can't think of one thing to post on my blog. Nothing. Nada. I did go for a few beers Friday, but took it easy as I had stuff to do Saturday morning. So here I sit, empty headed with nowt to say. Surely this is scientific evidence that beer is indeed brain food. It sure tastes a damn sight nicer than fish. So this got me wondering if there had been any momentous historical events that had taken place under the influence of alcohol. It appears that John Wilkes Booth capped president Lincoln after going on a Whiskey and Brandy bender. Perhaps not the best example of great occasions. A better example, depending on your nationality, is the battle of the Aisne river in 1918, during the Great War. On the verge of taking Paris, the Bosch, who had been without any kind luxuries for years due to Britain's naval blockade, found themselves smack in the middle of Champagne country surrounded by wine cellars bursting at the seams. Reports tell of roads impassable by vehicles due to drunken soldiers littering the streets. This allowed the allies to regroup, and the final German assault was halted. The game was up for the Hun before the year was up. Other instances of inebriation may not come as such a surprise. Anthony Burgess, for example, is quoted as having written A Clockwork Orange "in a state of near drunkenness." Anybody who has tried to read this absolute tosh, will realise this by page five. Other historical incidents include Henri Paul, the Last Supper, Captain Kidd's Hanging, the Exxon Valdez and the time I shagged Big Licky. These are all examples, that quite frankly shoot my argument to shreds. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." ~ Oscar Wilde

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Ben Franklin

The Fat Lady Sings

With the recent spate of fuck wittery displayed by the various members of the bender squad, it seemed like a late challenge to the Funky Pedestrian may be on the cards. Some hope. After a lairy weekend living it large, the Funky one decided to go for a smoke on his back step when he awoke, wearing just his dressing gown. As he went to light his cigarette, he blacked out and busted his head open when he hit the deck. Now this would usually be a moment of grave concern, as I have become quite attached to our erstwhile speedster, but in true buffoon style his robe fell open as he hit the deck, and he laid there for three or four minutes spread eagled with his meat and two vedge on show for all to see. What must his neighbours think. This has been agreed by senior members of the Squad to be the icing on the cake, and we have therefore decided to add his name to the Pantheon of legendary buffoons, and awarded the 2007 Maillot Jaune for Buffoon of the Year too;




The Funky Pedestrian
Le Grande Buffoon 2007



Previous Winners...


John the Don

Le Grande Buffoon 2006














Jamon

Le Grande Buffoon 2005




Thoughts now move towards next year, and the possibilities for extreme idiocy. First up there is the Rochadale run on Jan 19th, to watch the Bantams take on the Dale, and sample some of their supposedly famous pies. Next up another squad member joins the life begins at forty club, as in early February we venture north of the border to booze our way round Edinburgh. If memory serves, in March there is a possibility of a day out round Nottingham to see the Bantams take on the Magpies. Also in the pipeline for April, is another German run, this time to Dusseldorf, to watch the mighty TSV in action. This is just whats planned for the first few months of 2008, there may be a trip to the Euros in the offing, although it is beginning to look a long shot, and both Ropey and Two Scoops hit the big four-o, and John the Don qualifies for his buss pass as he hits sixty five.

Can the Funky Pedestrian hold on to his title?

He is sure to be strongly backed, as is previous winner John the Don. Alas, there appears to be no sign of parole for the inaugural recipient Jamon from his maximum security camp at Riddlesden Bay. The Shoutster is sure to figure in the final shakedown, and only a lack of opportunity to flex his inate stupidity prevents Mad Ad from serious contention. A new dark horse has emerged though, Ropey. An epic display of fuckwitery round Skipton bodes well for the deadlocked one, and could prove to be a shrewd each way bet. Strong outsiders include Tony Helmet, Skid, Myself and possibly Lobon, if let off the leash. Dangerous Pete would have figured in the running but it appears he is off to travel the globe. It is, however, worth remembering that idiocy can come from anywhere, who would have backed John in 2006, and any member of the Bender Squad has it in them to achieve the rewarding of "Le Maillot Jaune"

Knob Jockeys Prevail

The cock crazy MoFo stormed to an easy seven goal victory down the Wood last night, as an off the pace Elite let them back into the title race. Dr. Shotgun got us off to an early lead, and at the 10 minute mark added a second to draw us level, but momentum was lost as JohnnyM and Two Scoops fell out, and a just graduated Dr Shotgun was slowed by the beer and Nando's chicken he'd scarffed at his celebration shindig. Myself and the Shoutster tried to pick up the slack, but woeful finishing extinguished any glimmer of hope that we could salvage a result. As usual when chasing the game, space was left at the back, and a newly returned Dead Eye took full advantage, as himself, Luklear and Crespo filled their boots. At this point I am legally required to report that Slippery T Bacon came out of retirement to pass unhindered between my legs. The righteous now hold a two game advantage, with time fast running out for the JMF, game on indeed.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Mercenary, Crespo, Lukelear War and The Mercenary

EURO E- JohnnyMedia, Dr Shotgun, Euro Bri, Two Scoops and Shouty

2007 Season

• JMF wins -19


• Euro Elite - 21


• Draws - 4

McWednesday????

Yarrgh, ye whelk smellin' sand gropers, this week McOdyssey be a day late due to me watching the Mighty Bantams club the Seals. That lanky poop decker McCrespo be McGuessin' rightly last week that I indeed be Royaling me Cheese in McSchipol airport, in the Netherlands. So me prize be only one doubloon this week, fer the fella that can be figurin';

"Where be MMMMMMcEuro?????

I know there be no Golden Arches to be seen, but I assure ye that I indeed be deep in the bowels of a McResteraunt.

Bantams End Winless Streak

Typical City, after being rolled over by a poor Brentford team, they go and beat second in the league Chester City, to end their lengthy winless streak. Of course it wasn't straight forward, another exemplary performance from Nicky Law was marred by a penalty miss, Omar Daley finally decided to shoot, and scored a blinder (missed by the Boy, who had gone for a piss), then we gave away a stupid penalty, saved beautifully by big Don Ricketts, scored with about ten minutes remaining through substitute Rhodes, and let in a soft goal as 90 minutes came up, just to worry us for the last three minutes of injury time. Defence still remains a worry, Clarke played for the dropped Bower, and although he looks pacier, treats the football like a primed explosive. But I am nit picking, we outplayed the Seals throughout, and if we can go on a sustained run promotion is not out of the question. Apparently Law is signed for another month, and Peter Thorne led the line well, although once again we spurned numerous chances to kill off the game. FA Cup on Saturday, against the same opposition, but I will be unable to make it.

Baz Watch; On bench. Few shuttle runs down the pitch, and that was it from our erstwhile hero.


Burger Rating; 2/10 With all the pie varieties tried and tested, this week the Boy Dazzler volunteered to try out a Bantam Burger. The reason I my self didn't take the challenge is down to me being a burger connoisseur, anything below McDonalds standard cheese burger causes me to explode. It started out badly for the Boy, as a grim patty like object was retrieved from a stainless steel pot and thrust between two bun lids. It was then placed in a bag and handed to our brave guinea pig. His first comment was that he had tasted meatier veggie burgers, and it was a little bit sweet. The bun came up trumps though, it was fluffy and fresh, but the burger got a massive thumbs down. It is almost impossible to give it an indigestion rating, as anybody who knows the Dazzler can attest, he suffers from constant gas and heartburn, and makes noises that mimic the Peruvian rain forest for hours after eating. Safe to say he won't be trying one again in a hurry. Next time out I am going to get Ike to rate a hot dog.

TSV Held to Goaless Draw

Der Lowen could only mange a 0-0 away draw against SV Wehen, who are currently sixth. This point means that the Lions are now in third place, two points behind Borussia M‘gladbach, who have a game in hand, and four points behind leaders SC Freiburg. From what I can make out in my limited German, it was a tight game, the Bender lads both played the full ninety minutes, but young Lars picked a yellow card. Next week is a crunch game as Der Lowen welcome Borussia M‘gladbach to Allianz Arena, in a top of the table clash. My plans to visit Dusseldorf in April (the weekend beginning Friday the 25th) for the return fixture are up and running. Shouty, The Boy Dazzler and El Grande Queso are up for it, and Aki's bantams posse are showing more than a little interest. The flights with Jet2 from Leeds/Bradford are currently up at around £80, and I will happily book them on receipt of cash. Be aware though there are no refunds on cheap air tickets, so once you pay, you go or loose. The hotels will probably be in the £80-100 range each for two nights, depending on location and the like. Will book these at a later date, although it would be a great help if everybody paid for their own room on departure. There is however one fly in the ointment. There is a possibility the game could be played on a Monday night. The flights return to England at 9pm, so we either go for the weekend and hope its played Sat/Sun, or go Sunday and come back Tuesday and hope it's on Monday night. The flights for the second option are priced at £45 at the moment. My instinct says go Friday, but my pocket is shouting for a Sunday. Consultation is required.

Buffoon News

After a quiet twelve months, everybody seems to be wanting to get in on the act. After Helmets and Pembos miss adventures in the Villager, Dangerous Pete has upped his game. From what I can gather he was horsing around with a few of his mates, and jumped on one of their cars bonnet. As he was peering through the windscreen, one of his companions jumped on him and smashed his front teeth into the glass, breaking three of them. Oh dear, just as he is planning to take off on an around the world jaunt. Don't worry Peter, they'll grow back....

Bantams Lose Again

This is starting to become tedious, the Mighty Bantams sank to yet another defeat, against a team that quite frankly were rubbish. It looked promising the first half, we kept possession well, knocked the ball around a bit created a few chances. Then Brentford scored. Somebody needs to remind our players what division they are in, that they are not Aresenal, and to score goals, taking a shot now and again often proves conducive. Omar scares the shite out of opposing teams, but consistently runs down blind alleys when the chance to shoot presents itself. The second half was just plain woeful, and having to listen to the Right Honourable moan all the way through did nothing for my headache. Of course they scored again as our defence went into meltdown, they could have easily had three or four, before Bower scored from a scrambled corner. Maybe he should play up front, as his defending is becoming more erratic. Get to do it all again on Tuesday, as Chester roll into town. We are still stuck in the bottom four, but I figure if we start getting ourselves in front during games we can still turn our season around. Got wankered after the game with the Shoutster and the Boy down at Fannys Ale house in Saltaire, that Leffe sure is strong shit.

Baz Watch; On for 68 minutes. Oh dear. Big Baz probably had his worst showing this season, as his touch deserted him, and his moaning just irritated. He still put in plenty of effort, but if anybody needs a goal right now, it is our bald centre forward. His ballooned shot over the bar, when it was easier to score summed up his day, but the sections of the crowd who booed him off need reminding it's a team game, and they played with even less direction and skill after he went off.


Pie Rating; 5/10 Meat and Potato. I am afraid I have exhausted the pie selection at Valley Parade, so I decided to revisit the pie I had at the beginning of the season, but instead of Brown sauce I tried it with Ketchup. Big mistake. For beef based pies, the mighty brown is the only condiment that should be used, but in the interests of piequality, I thought it might give it a different spin. Consistency was still Chappie dog food, and was bland beyond belief, but there was plenty of filling. Indigestion factor was difficult to gauge, as I was still a bit fresh from the previous evening, and I got a curry later, so I didn't know which food was responsible for the turd explosion the following morning. In fact after all the cider, weissbeer, bok, Leffe and other concoctions that I drank, there could be several culprits. Big thanks go out to John Pembo, who sampled a meat and tattie for me at Grimsby. He reported it was above average, but a little bit too much pepper for his liking. Forgot to ask him for his marks out of 10, but will hopefully see him on Tuesday to rectify.

The Road to Ruin

Is paved with good intention as they say, and the last couple of days prove the point. I had every intention of updating this blog, but circumstances changed, firstly El Grande Queso has become the proud father of a young Babybel, so last night it was out to to wet the nippers head, followed by a visit to see the IPD at Raggalds pub, out in the back of beyond. I write this posting with a delicate head, but the fun doesn't stop. I am off to meet up with big JohnnyM, Shouty, Crespo and Mossy to watch the Arsenal Man U game before going down to Valley Parade to see the Mighty bantams take on Brentford. Seeing as I am out it is then off to Nick the B's farewell shindig, as he is taking off to start a new life down under. Hopefully I will catch up tomorrow, hangover permitting.