Happy New Year.....2006 Highs and Lows

Whith 2006 on its last legs, I would like to take this oppurtunity to wish all viewers of this site a happy and prosperous new year. It also seems an appropriate time to log the peaks and troughs endured by the bender squad over the past twelve months.

Highlights;

THE WORLD CUP

A World Cup is like Christmas, Disneyland, Beer and Shagging all rolled into one for any self respecting member, and with this years competition held on our doorstep several of took the opportunity to fulfill a lifetime ambition. Myself, The Boy, John the Don, El Grande Queso, King of the Pixies and the Funky Messiah took off in a motorhome to traipse the German countryside in search of footie and fun. We visited fan fests in Dortmund and Cologne, the latter being for the Sweden v England game. It was a marathon boozing session, from 11:00 am till the early hours. The day had everything, John the Don was in full throttle Buffoon mode, providing his infamous "Viva Espana" greeting to a group of Mexicans ans pointing to a metre long sausage, and inquiring of the waiter "What is that?". The waiter looked upon the blonde one and deadpanned the words "It is a sausage." Lets also not forget the infamous "Business is business, money down, no problem." line to try and secure six drunken knobheads a place on the balcony of the most exclusive hotel in town. More from Mr Greenwood later. The day finished with the Queso turning into Cornish Pasty (Nasty for the unfamiliar), with the Messiah to make for the homeward train ride from Hell.

Hamburg was next on the itinerary, and before we even got on board the train the Don was up to his old tricks. A courier on a pedal trike rolled past us, ridden by a geezer who to everyone else looked to be in the rudest of health.

"Whats that all about?" asked Sandro.

"It's one of them Paraplegics" replied The Don. Pure magic.

The day in Hamburg was slightly marred by the hangovers we all had from going bananas on Long Island Ice Teas in Munster the previous evening. The early morning effects can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwIy_mvngHs Four of us managed to bag tickets for Italy versus Chech Republic, who let me tell you, have some seriously fit women. The game was great, but with energy sapped from the excesses inflicted upon ourselves we couldn't even bring ourselves to visit the infamous Reperbahn. Oh well, gives us an excuse to go again.

Afterwards the only other incident of note was The Dons now infamous Diesel episode with campervan, a tale that was reported thus in an earlier post:


Then with the finishing post in site, no more than 15kms from where we needed to drop off the campervan , John the Don became one of the immortals of bender squad buffoonery. Bear in mind he had already filled up the campervan once with out incident when disaster struck. As I approached the vehicle I was summoned by Queso. He pointed to the liquid pouring from underneath the van and asked me for my opinion on what had happened. After a cursory inspection, my diagnosis was that the don had filled up the watertank with £40 worth of diesel. My suspicions proved correct. When the diesel began to leak from underneath the don figured this was the diesel overflow. Yes he really said it.



Thus John the Don was unanimously voted "Le grande buffoon 2006" Since then he has also filled up his works diesel vehicle with unleaded. He also blames the campervan incident on the rest of us, saying we sat and watched him do it. Yes John, none of us wanted to hit the BannaBar in Amsterdam, we were much happier having to pay anther 75 Euros to fill up the DIESEL tank, then have to pay someone to syphon it out, and then have a full inspection by Henk and subsequently have to divvy up £30 quid each for your stupidity. By the way, John the Don is 10-1 ON to retain the Maillot Jaune in 2007.



Me, Queso and VW returned to witness the abomination of the Quarter Final defeat against Portugal, paying scalpers to get tickets. We sat with Harry Enfield behind us for the match, and had great day, until it got to penalties, you all know the rest. We also discovered Eindhoven were we stayed prior to the game, and had a rip snorting session. You know its a good one when you are doing the twist a t a dodgy club at 4 a.m.

SHOUTYS STAG NIGHT

There is really only one reason for any self respecting squad member to wed, and that is the ritual of "The Stag Night" This year it was Shoutys turn to take the plunge, and he decided on the old reliable Amsterdam to celebrate his impeding nuptials. it was a good turnout, everybody made it to Leeds/Bradford for the 6 a.m. flight, and we hit the ground running. Shouty got into the full spirit of the occasion, donning a gimp mask, red tights, a PVC mini skirts and what appeared to be a leopard skin thing, although I was not brave enough, or indeed stupid enough to get close enough to find out. It was then onto the world renowned BannnaBar for cocktails, but not before Shouty dive bombed two unsuspecting locals, passing by in a canal boat. The rest of the weekend was top notch, much beer was drunk, although a planned excursion to Berlin never really got off the ground. C'est La Vie.

CHRISTMAS BENDER SKIPTON

It was great to see a good turnout for this years Xmas bash, many dragging themselves out to Skipton after a long day at work. Unfortunately after a long day boozing, my memory isn't that great these days, so I can't recall much other than singing Silent Night. JohnnyWest fell off the train platform, G Spot was possibly mugged on the way home, and placed on license by his M.R.S. Shouty some how ended up the Happy Hardcore hell that is Lyngards. King Dave, the Ginga Ninja and Shouty were also ejected from a night club in Skipton. All in all a good evening.

MISCELLANEOUS

Tony Helmet not only found gainful employment, he also got himself a woman, finally scotching the rumours that he may bat for the other side. Mad Ad also found himself a new girlfriend, and yes, they have had a bambino. Adam you have proved your worth, now put a knot in it. John the Don has managed to go a couple of months without doing anything stupid (we think). Jamon was outed by the public as the biggest gaylord on the Evil JMF. Funkys copper highlights finally grew out. The King of the Pixies ended his Maltese exile. G spot finally made it out....then blew it by getting mugged and taking five hours to get from Bingley to Wyke. His trouble and strife has revoked his bender privileges. Lobon didn't have any bad luck. The sausage jockeys of the JMF were champions of the Wood.

If anybody can think of anything I may have overlooked please post as comment.

Lowlights:

The continued ineptitude shown by English national sports teams, especially our football team. I can accept to a certain degree the Rugby League and Union teams being rubbish, as it is obvious they are not the best teams. The cricket team fell into the trap of picking players who weren't fit, and then decided to play not to lose, instead of playing to win, a problem more than evident in our football team. The England football team. On paper world beaters, on the pitch pussies. Why do we need a midfield anchor against Trinidad and Tobago? Walcott, why take him if you have no intention of playing him? Why try a new formation in qualifier, not a friendly? Steve McLaren??????????

The Labour party. Banned smoking in pubs. Taxing anything fun. Id cards. Taxing anything not fun. Asylum seekers. Iraq. State handouts for layabouts. Human rights act. Afghanistan. Failing schools. Bankrupt hospitals. Speed cameras. Road pricing. Health and Safety. Tony Blair. Cronyism. Spin Doctors. QUANGOS. Soft sentencing for criminals. Politics of fear. Council Tax. John Prescott. We are sinking into a sea of shit, and nobody seems to care. These people are destroying our lives and eroding the rights we have taken for granted all our lives. Check out http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/ and register your disapproval for the insane schemes being considered by the bunch of buffoons how are supposedly running this country. Below are two links to oppose road pricing and id cards.

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/traveltax/ Road tax

http://petitons.pm.gov.uk/IDcards/ Id cards

The continuing march of the terrible two, Tescos and Asda(Wal-Mart), towards world domination. You know I am right.

Well that's it for 2006, I will try and cobble together a post before Old Years Night, previewing whats on offer in 2007. For those about to booze, we salute you! Happy New Year.