Season of Goodwill

This blog is well known for its frivolity and nonsense, and although I aim to continue along these lines over the years, I thought with the festive season fast approaching, it was time to set aside the usual shenanigans, and draw everybody's attention to a serious matter that blights the area we call home. It is there for all of us to see whether you reside in Bradford, Leeds, Keighley, Skipton, Manchester and in particular Halifax. It upsets children, and often causes nausea in both men and women. I am of course referring to the chubby bloaters who insist on wearing crop tops and waisters, leaving their lardy abdomens on view for all to see. The winter months are of course the most upsetting, as the texture of the stretched skin often takes on a chopped liver consistency, full of blue veins, and causing the numerous stretch marks to stand out even more vibrantly than usual. I have no problem with them being fat, but is it to much to ask for them to keep it to themselves? These people, usually female, although even more worryingly there have been sightings of the male variety, are often spotted in what can only best be described as herds, more often than not grazing on some form of pastry purchased from Greggs. As they stick rigidly into these so called herds, it is my conclusion that they have no idea how repulsive they look to the rest of us. So in the spirit of brotherly love I am today launching "Mirror Aid", a new charity, yet to be registered, that aims to provide these clueless heifer's the means to see how ridiculous they look, and to hopefully shock these misguided lard arse's into covering up. If you are unable to to give a mirror, please feel free to shout "PUT IT AWAY!!" at any stray wobblers, but be wary of using this action when confronted by a herd, as if they gain any kind of momentum during a charge they can be difficult to stop. Don't worry too much about their feelings, just remember who is really offending who.