Le Grande Buffoon 2012 Update

This going to be short and sweet, as I have just  spent half an hour writing up a post on the buffoonery in London, only for Blogger to crash, kick me out and delete the whole post, which to honest, I can't be arsed doing again  So here are some bullet points, with name, points total and reason for score.

Shouty 6 points.  The usual reasons.  Lost luggage receipt with in one minute and fifty paces of getting it.  Followed this by losing his house keys as well.  Would have scored more, but was on the way back to the hotel with Crespo, who assumes the points, because the loud one couldn't fin his way around a phone booth when inebriated.

Crespo 4 points.  Thought it would be a smart move to go to a casino and wait till the Underground began running again, instead of forking out loads of cash on a taxi fare.  Not a bad plan, till you realise our digs were a 50 minute train ride from where they were.  can you guess what happened next?  Thats right our two heroes slept right through their station, and ended up at the airport.  An argument with an underrground worker meant he ended up forking out 30 odd quid on a taxi any way...

Euro Bri, Jonesy, Major and Downhill 1 point. My point was for not recognizing my own kids on a picture on my phone.  Jonesy for splashing a bunch of strangers with spilt beer, and then refusing to apologize  The Swiss duo get a point each for something that slips my mind, but I know there was definitly one each for something.

That leaves the 2012 tables looking thus:

1. John the Don  10 points
2. Shouty  9 points
3. Jonesy  8 points
4. El Grande Queso  4 points
5. Crespo 4 points
6. Geevers  3 points
7. Dangerous Pete  2 points
8. Euro Bri  2 points
9. Downhill  1 point
10. The Major  1 point

Is this the end for the Wood?

Tonight may prove to be quite a landmark game, because if everything goes to plan, this Wednesday will probably bring the curtain down on 22 years of five a side football.  Don't get me wrong, the game shall continue, but Bradford Councils insane pricing has meant it just doesn't make sense to continue playing at the old venue.  We have found a new one, that works out £1000 a year cheaper to play at, and at that kind of saving (a hundred quid per year each) it no longer made sense to keep on at the Wood.  So it shall be the Green from next week.  If all goes tits up, we do have the option of recovering our old slot, time will tell.

As for the actual football itself, things have been all over the place.  We are finally starting to get a couple of settled sides, especially the Righteous euro boys, whose team has had a couple of enforced changes since the start of the year.  The race for the title is still pretty open, although the female dodging JMF have a healthy four game lead at the moment.  Plenty of time left yet....

2012 Season

JMF wins- 18

Euro wins- 14

Draws- 4

Bendership Time

Hola muchachos, it is that time again, football season is here.  As usual, I have organized a fantasy footie league, and invitations have been sent out.  If I have missed you out, or you fancy a dip, please let me know.

On to my annual predictions.  First up the Drama Queens of the Premier league.  It looks like a straight fight between the two Manchester clubs, with perhaps a challenge from Chelsea.  I am hoping for the blue side of Manc land to triumph, but I have a sneaky feeling the Reds of anywhere but Manchester could sneak it, as City prioritize the Champions League.  Arsenal and Spurs will scrap for fourth, with Newcastle and maybe Liverpool trying to crash the top four party.  I have a sneaky feeling the Magpies might actually crack it.  Relegation is a far harder one to call.  I am plumping for Reading and Wigan, with QPR to fall on the last day of the season.

The Championship is, as always the toughest to call.  Of the relegated sides, I fancy Blackburn, who have made some shrewd signings, to bounce back up.  I would love to see Blackpool follow suit, but think the playoffs might be their best bet.  I also like the look of Cardiff, with Bellamy making the difference.  Relegation?  Leeds, Peterborough and Bristol City.  Watching the wheels come off for Warnock should be hilarious, but if they do find a buyer with spending power, they could as easily make the playoffs, which will be painful.

League One?  Who really gives a shit.

League Two, home of the once Mighty Bantams.  I will be honest, I have no idea which way their season will go.  The new signings look good, but they have for the previous four seasons (Nandos waiter Willy Topp apart) but we are still firmly ensconced in bottom tier, and flirted outrageously with the ignominy of the Blue Square for almost the entire season 2011/12.  Expectations are low, so maybe a run at the play offs?  I see Chesterfield, Rotherham and Wycombe as the teams to beat.  Away days to watch out for, are Fleetwood and York.  All together....."My garden shed is bigger than this......"

Olympic Bender

What a weekend.  From start to finish it was a blinder, full of buffoonery and memories not to be forgotten.  I shall write up the stupidity part in a separate blog, as there was quite a bit, and there should be some movement on the old race for the Maillot Jaune standings.  The Beach Volleyball was brilliant, the setting inspirational.  A temporary stand set up on the Horse Guards Parade afforded epic views, ranging from Nelson's column to the London Eye, with most of Whitehall squeezed in between.  The games were pretty good, although the Chinese team USA pairing pretty much owned their opponents.  Prize for the pertest posteriors went to the Italians, although the dancing girls who came out when the competitors took a break were stunning (apart from the two male dancers, but hey they made Crespo smile)

The first night we were in Hyde Park, for the free big screens.  Major and Downhill had spent quite a chunk of the afternoon there, and we would have been the earlier, if it weren't for the Shoutster, who had conspired to loose our left luggage ticket, which I shall elaborate on more when I do a score update.  We watched Jess Ennis win her medal, but the £5 for a pint of Heineken soon saw us make a break for the delights of Soho, where we watched Mo Farrah claim his gold.  The rest of the evening is a bit hazy, but we were all wide eyed and bushy tailed on Sunday morning, as we embarked on an epic day.  Covent Garden was where we warmed up for the day ahead, watching Andy Murray take the gold, much to the Majors surprise (and everyone in the pub).  After the Volleyball we once again hit Soho, and then Leicester Square.  A couple of the lads were worse for wear the next day, but when you fall asleep on a tube, get off at the wrong station and forget the name and the location of your hotel, you really only have yourself to blame....

I have uploaded a gallery that can be visited by clicking here. Olympics 2012

Olympic Keister

Hello Arse fans, how the devil are we?  Good? Well I know I am, as after what seems an age, I have gathered together a crack squad of bon vivants, for a Bender of  Olympic proportions.  Later today we begin our quest to London, culminating in beach side seats on Sunday for every-bodies favourite sandy sport, Ladies beach Volleyball.

Of course there of those amongst you, who will think it is yet another excuse for us to go and letch at scantily clad lovelies fuck around in the sand.  For shame!  We have been huge fans of this sport and are keen  studiers of strategy and tactics, paying particular notice to the hand sides made over their oh so lovely keisters....

Any way, time is short (yet again) so I will sign off for now, but hope to have a full report of the weekends shenanigans some time Tuesady.