My Lampard theory

The evil empire, Tescos, has recently been running a series of adverts featuring Frank Lampard, trying to brainwash the public that by providing sports equipment for schools that they are cuddly company. Now we all know the dastardly JMF pride themselves on the fact they use Tescos for all their shopping needs, and also like to endorse them at every opportunity. Mr. Lampard's also been suffering a dip in form, especially when it comes to shooting. My theory is that JMF's rubbishness and love of Tescos has in some strange gay paranormal phenomena, turned the Chelsea midfielder into a JMFer. Dededededededede...(twilight zone music).