2012 Season
JMF wins- 16
Euro wins- 13
Draws- 3
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Saturday, July 28, 2012
As you were...
Two weeks, two victories, one a piece, means there is still a three game gap between the evil testicle sniffers of the JMF, and the heroic righteousness of the Euro boys. I don't really have much else to add (something that Dead Eye has been struggling with of late), as to be quite honest, I am yet again pressed for time. The JMF victory was a blow out, they won by around 9 goals, if memory serves. The Righteous win was by a smaller margin, but it keeps us with in striking distance, with plenty of games to go.
Le Maillott Jaune 2011 Champion
As promised, better late than never, the 2011 recipient of the Maillott Jaune for Buffoon of the Year goes too....... Le Grand Queso!
In the build up to the announcement of the 2012 winner in August, I shall add the Fromaggio to the Hall of Fame.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Le Grand Buffoon 2012
Now then, bet you thought I had forgotten all about the annual race for the Bender squad race for Le Maillot Jaune. Nothing could be further from the truth, however there have been a distinct lack of benders, shindigs or soirees since October, so the chances of being caught out, or of even doing anything stoopid, have been thin on the ground. But there have been a few moments worthy of reporting.
First up, and to date the only ten pointer to date this year, comes via the blonde bomb shell and former winner, John the Don. For those of you unaware, he was banned for drink driving a while since. After 12 months of being ferried around, he decided to drive over to Belfast on business. On his arrival back in Liverpool docks, there was a random stop check for red diesel. When it came time to check the Don's documentation, something was found to be astray. He was banned not for twelve months, but 14, and due to his oversight was still illegal to drive. For his efforts he was granted bed and breakfast in a Merseyside jail, and had his ban extended by an extra 4 months. The muppet...
Next up is brother Sprocket, aka Jonesey. We had a weekend Bender booked to go around London town in February. Jonesey was well up for it, and rang me up to confirm dates, so he could work out his work schedule and book time off. But as usual, he paid no attention to what I said, and booked off the wrong weekend. He gains another point for trying to laugh it off as a two pointer. Try 7 ya noodle...
Last of the tales worth telling is of the Grand Fromaggio. Whilst on the London trip mentioned above, he got separated, or abandoned, depending on which tale you which to believe, from the rest of the party, and was the last on to arrive back at our digs. Now it was the coldest day of the year, and when we woke up, the curly numpty was curled up under a towel. "What have yo wankers done with my duvet?" he accused. Lobon snorted, and I reached over and tugged on the warm, fluffy duvet he had slept on top of all night. Worth 4 points say I.
The rest of the scoring has been pretty low key. Geevers running away from his train home, and spending three hours asleep in an alley, 3 points. Shouty and Dangerous Pete have lost their phones, an automatic two pointer, and myself and Shouty getting on the wrong train in Amsterdam would have been worth a lot more points, if we hadn't been given the heads up by a Polish geezer. Worth a point each.
And that's about it for the scoring. The winner is announced on the 31st of October, and with a lack of action on the Bender front, it could be hard to displace John the Don from his current perch. As for uploading the customary winner in a jellow jersey photo, I aim to have Le Grande Queso on here in the next week or so. Current table reads thus;
First up, and to date the only ten pointer to date this year, comes via the blonde bomb shell and former winner, John the Don. For those of you unaware, he was banned for drink driving a while since. After 12 months of being ferried around, he decided to drive over to Belfast on business. On his arrival back in Liverpool docks, there was a random stop check for red diesel. When it came time to check the Don's documentation, something was found to be astray. He was banned not for twelve months, but 14, and due to his oversight was still illegal to drive. For his efforts he was granted bed and breakfast in a Merseyside jail, and had his ban extended by an extra 4 months. The muppet...
Next up is brother Sprocket, aka Jonesey. We had a weekend Bender booked to go around London town in February. Jonesey was well up for it, and rang me up to confirm dates, so he could work out his work schedule and book time off. But as usual, he paid no attention to what I said, and booked off the wrong weekend. He gains another point for trying to laugh it off as a two pointer. Try 7 ya noodle...
Last of the tales worth telling is of the Grand Fromaggio. Whilst on the London trip mentioned above, he got separated, or abandoned, depending on which tale you which to believe, from the rest of the party, and was the last on to arrive back at our digs. Now it was the coldest day of the year, and when we woke up, the curly numpty was curled up under a towel. "What have yo wankers done with my duvet?" he accused. Lobon snorted, and I reached over and tugged on the warm, fluffy duvet he had slept on top of all night. Worth 4 points say I.
The rest of the scoring has been pretty low key. Geevers running away from his train home, and spending three hours asleep in an alley, 3 points. Shouty and Dangerous Pete have lost their phones, an automatic two pointer, and myself and Shouty getting on the wrong train in Amsterdam would have been worth a lot more points, if we hadn't been given the heads up by a Polish geezer. Worth a point each.
And that's about it for the scoring. The winner is announced on the 31st of October, and with a lack of action on the Bender front, it could be hard to displace John the Don from his current perch. As for uploading the customary winner in a jellow jersey photo, I aim to have Le Grande Queso on here in the next week or so. Current table reads thus;
- John the Don- 10 points
- Jonesey- 7 points
- El Grande Queso- 4 points
- Shouty- 3 points
- Geevers- 3 points
- Dangerous Pete- 2 points
- Euro Bri- 1 point
Get off the Road!
Now I haven't had a good old moan for a while, but there seems to be some strange trend going on in the Bradford area. A bunch of folk seem to think they are some form of motor vehicle. Either that or invisible cars have been invented, and nobody thought to tell me. I could understand this if we lived in a bustling mega city, but we don't. There is plenty of room on the pavement, yet time and again I have to slow down or swerve, for some clown ambling along the road without a care in the world. Why? The worst culprit is without a shadow of a doubt, the "Clayton Waddler" a rather large woman who trundles up the middle of the road at very slow rate of knots. In the summer it's bad enough, but in the middle of darkest winter, it's a miracle nobody has knocked her over. She dresses in the darkest colours, and topped with the fact she is of Carribean descent, makes her nigh on invisible. Crackers she is....
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Killer Keisters
Hola Muchachos, and Muchachas. Are you ready for some Keister? Of course you are! Why else would you be here? I have decided on a pale theme for this session, and what is paler than a Celtic red headed? A ginner of course. But don't fear, I have stuck with the flame haired beauty below, who appears to be mostly freckle free.
Next up some thing Scandinavian I think. I wasn't sure about this one, but it's a fine tushy, and it will appeal to those with a fetish for naked birds in high heels.
This one ticks plenty of my boxes. Super fine arse? Check. Thigh high stockings? Check. Loin stirring? Quadruple check. This one definitely floats my boat....
Last but not least, the weeks G.A.S. A lovely pale bottom, that looks like it's about to see some action. Champion. Till next time.....
On the Comeback Trail?
I have got two weeks worth of catching up to do, as I was unable to write up last weeks clash. So to catch up on the earlier game, a draw. yet again the mighty Righteous appeared to be cruising towards a vital victory, but managed to implode, and in the end were lucky to hold out for the stalemate. This with a pretty strong line up, so when injuries took their toll this week, we were looking odds on to go behind by five games. Clogs was out, along with Dribbling Dan and Dr Shotgun is still a week or so away from being able to participate. Late call ups Salty and Bazooka Joe were worthy substitutions, but we had to draft in a sports hall worker as our fifth player, as I failed to find another laker. The omens were not good, and the outlook for the valiant boys in white was even grimmer after an early goal burst by the shirt lifters saw the score 4-1 at the first goalie change. But then the goal tide was stemmed, and slowly but surely the Euro boys chipped away at the lead, and quite a game ensued. Young Nathan, our late call up, started to find the back of the net, and we were all square. At this point the Octopus pulled up lame, and again the sun appeared to shine on the rancid backside of the Nefarious JMF. But the Righteous hung tough, and despite some eccentric goal keeping from our resident cephalopod, went a goal up. With the clock ticking down, and the MoFo committed to getting an equalizer, Bazooka broke away and smashed in a beauty. This took the wind out of the female dodgers sails, and another score, by yours truly, earned the gallant Euro boys a most unexpected victory. The start of a comeback perhaps???
2012 Season
JMF wins- 15
Euro wins- 12
Draws- 3
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Euro on the Euros
First up the football. Spain are a great side, but are a bit boring. They are like Barcelona without Messi, which to all intent purposes they are. It's nice too know the Germans have a bogey team. Seems the Italians are the Krauts Kryptonite, and for me their semi final was the most entertaining game of the competition. And who doesn't take a smidgen of pleasure from the French falling out with them selves? As for our boys? I feel they are not as bad as we all think they are. My suspicion is a rampant inferiority complex at International level, which I fear will consign them to failure for the duration of my life. As for the rest? Portugal like to fall over a lot, Ibrahimovic is a twat and the Dutch are shite.
But enough of the football. What about the punditry? Since Brian Clough hung up his mic back in the early Eighties, the BBC has pretty much had their wicked way with bland ITV coverage. Who can forget such disasters as Gazza? Now the BBC has also had some pretty iffy contributions of their own. This is the station that gave Jamie Redknapp his start, for heavens sake, but by and by they have won hands down. Till now. Roy Keane may talk absolute garbage, but the glower he gives Chiles every time he talks garbage (which is pretty much constantly) is price less. And the way he dismissed the Irish effort was brilliant. This from the man who walked out on his team mates on the eve of the 2002 World Cup. His double act with Carragher was excellent. In fact I thought the Liverpool defender was the revelation of the whole tournament. He made his points eloquently and his insights were well thought out and showed a fine understanding of the game. Of course the down side was it's delivery, in a high pitched Scouse accent that was not easy on the old lug holes. I also like Martinez, although his inability to confess that, final apart, his home nation were boring, is a black mark against him.
So what about good old Auntie? I am afraid complacency had definitely set in. Hanson has become something of a caricature, and came across as pretty lazy, especially when paired up with Alan Shearer. Why they persevere Mr Shearer is quite the mystery. Boring, predictable and a tendency to interrupt more engaging colleagues, I am afraid it's time he was left to work on his golf handicap. Lawrenson was much like his former Liverpool teammate, and never really got out of second gear. But just when you thought the commercial channel had got the best of them, they pulled out a couple of foreign trump cards. Klinsmann was witty and urbane, but even he paled next to Vialli, who mangled the English language, but was brilliant. I loved his ketchup analogy in particular.
So an honourable draw? I am afraid not, and it all comes down to one man. Adrian Chiles. As I alluded to earlier, this buffoon is garbage. He brings nothing to the table, and his over bearing blind panic act concerning England was woeful. I am sure he sleeps well on the millions ITV paid to entice him from the Beeb, but all the money in the world can not disguise the simple fact that the man is a complete and utter knob.
Roll on Brazil 2014........
But enough of the football. What about the punditry? Since Brian Clough hung up his mic back in the early Eighties, the BBC has pretty much had their wicked way with bland ITV coverage. Who can forget such disasters as Gazza? Now the BBC has also had some pretty iffy contributions of their own. This is the station that gave Jamie Redknapp his start, for heavens sake, but by and by they have won hands down. Till now. Roy Keane may talk absolute garbage, but the glower he gives Chiles every time he talks garbage (which is pretty much constantly) is price less. And the way he dismissed the Irish effort was brilliant. This from the man who walked out on his team mates on the eve of the 2002 World Cup. His double act with Carragher was excellent. In fact I thought the Liverpool defender was the revelation of the whole tournament. He made his points eloquently and his insights were well thought out and showed a fine understanding of the game. Of course the down side was it's delivery, in a high pitched Scouse accent that was not easy on the old lug holes. I also like Martinez, although his inability to confess that, final apart, his home nation were boring, is a black mark against him.
So what about good old Auntie? I am afraid complacency had definitely set in. Hanson has become something of a caricature, and came across as pretty lazy, especially when paired up with Alan Shearer. Why they persevere Mr Shearer is quite the mystery. Boring, predictable and a tendency to interrupt more engaging colleagues, I am afraid it's time he was left to work on his golf handicap. Lawrenson was much like his former Liverpool teammate, and never really got out of second gear. But just when you thought the commercial channel had got the best of them, they pulled out a couple of foreign trump cards. Klinsmann was witty and urbane, but even he paled next to Vialli, who mangled the English language, but was brilliant. I loved his ketchup analogy in particular.
So an honourable draw? I am afraid not, and it all comes down to one man. Adrian Chiles. As I alluded to earlier, this buffoon is garbage. He brings nothing to the table, and his over bearing blind panic act concerning England was woeful. I am sure he sleeps well on the millions ITV paid to entice him from the Beeb, but all the money in the world can not disguise the simple fact that the man is a complete and utter knob.
Roll on Brazil 2014........
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