Le Grand Buffoon 2006

Hello and welcome to the annual "Le Grand Buffoon" awarded to the squad member who goes above and beyond the call of duty on our foriegn jaunts. This year saw not one but two excursions to Germany for the World Cup, and a weekend in Amsterdam for the stag night of brother Shouty. A strong showing was expected of 2005's runaway winner Jamon, but his recent incarceration in a maximum security compound in Crossflats under threat of torture, opened the way for a new winner of le maillot jaune (yellow jersey). So on to the contenders. Stag nights are notorious for the oppurtunities presented for random idiocy, and Amsterdam didn't dissapoint. In most years the award could well have gone to Shouty, who even by stag night standards excelled. Dressed in gimp mask, pvc mini skirt, red stockings and furry thong he cut quite a figure, but his dive bomb into a passing canal boat was pure lunacy. He then proceeded to liberate a can of beer from the occupants of the boat and spill it all over the next bar we went into. Later in a night club, although not wearing his gimp outfit, he was seen to dance in the manner of an electrocuted parkinsons sufferer. European bri's booth incident is also worthy of mention.
Onto Germany then where this years recipient of the yellow jersey really put in a display of buffoonery on an epic scale. Much was expected in Germany and the early favourite was the Funky Messiah who was reported by some bookmakers to be odds on to win. Next the king of the pixies and european bri were considered good eachway bets, with the boy and queso always a good bet as dark horses. Although each had his own special moments, it was the rank outsider who notched up one of the great upsets of modern times. Yes John the Don, bender squad veteran and considered to be above the stupidity so readily shown by others is the 2006 winner of Le Maillot Jaune for Buffoon of the year, in a landslide. It was all systems go from the don who took an early lead and never looked back. It starts with his twenty egg effort at scrambled eggs, that provided a enough for a mouthful each. In Cologne his pointing to a sausage and asking what it was. The waiter replied "it's a sausage." His infamous greeting of "Viva Espana" to a group of Mexicans. Even this was too be topped. At Munster train station, when a bicycle courier rode past on a trike, the don informed us "Look it's one of those paraplygics." We all appreciate john is a little more advanced in years, but his refusal to believe the SatNav and drive back and forth up the same autobahn four times, tried even quesos patientce. Then with the finishing post in site, no more than 15kms from where we needed to drop off the campervan , John the Don became one of the immortals of bender squad buffoonery. Bear in mind he had already filled up the campervan once with out incident when disaster struck. As I approached the vehicle I was summoned by Queso. He pointed to the liquid pouring from underneath the van and asked me for my opinion on what had happened. After a cursory inspection, my diagnosis was that the don had filled up the watertank with £40 worth of diesel. My suspicions proved correct. When the diesel began to leak from underneath the don figuerd this was the diesel overflow. Yes he really said it.

John the don we salute you.


European bri

Jamon's jerk offs rout Euro's elite

In a surprise result Jamon's idiot team of gaylords romped home by five goals (according to Funky they won by 78 goals, but he's an idiot who can't count) over the usually dominant elite of European Bri. When quizzed about the freakish result Euro put it down to Lobon not being able to score in a brothel, and reiterated that he thought he was brilliant, and badly let down by his inferior team mates. Jamons response was to chant "Your shit and you know you are!" and "Can we play you every week!", which is a bit silly because in fact we do play you every week at 8 o'clock. Dead eye Phil again proved his worth after being transfered from the undeafeted Euro Invincibles to jamon's team of two left footers, notching up his usual shed load of goals to compensate for the pointless running in circles of Jamon, Funky and King Dave. The highlight of an otherwise supremley inept performance from Lobon was his viciuos kicking of the wall, which coincidently was the only thing he connected with all night. Over the next three weeks Lobon is in Thailand so we will see what kind of player Shouty unearths to replace him although in my opinion a one legged blind man with autism would be an improvement. Enjoy it while it lasts,

European Bri

Bienvenu, wilkommen and ay oop

Now then, I'am European Bri and this is my first go at blogging. My aim is to share tales of daring and ineptitude fron the many excursions and day to day doings of myself, and the band of brothers known as the bender squad. I will also be sharing my views on whats good in the world, and things that pluck my pubes, of which there are many. Any how I am running late for footie and need to crack on. Will catch catch up with you all later.

Ciao for now.