Gender or Bender?? New York City

This week we spread our wings a little further, as we leave continental Europe behind and cross the Atlantic, to New York City, the self styled capitol of the universe. I have visited on a couple of occasions, once with the lads, and once with the missus (although I took the Boy Dazzler along as a contingency plan). So is the Big Apple truly the city that never sleeps? Or is a shoppers paradise, full of cup cake eating Sex in the City wannabes??

Price- The latest slide of the pound against the dollar aside, this place can either max out your card, or if you are willing to slum it, a reasonable priced Metropolis, given it's standing as the financial centre of the universe. Visiting out of season is the cheaper option, flights and hotels tend to have special offers, but it can get Arctic cold, so my advice is to stump up the extra and go in May/June. Hotels vary wildly in price, if you are with the lads in shared digs reasonable, if you take a bint, quite expensive. Beer is pretty affordable, in comparison with say, London or Paris, but not as cheap as West Yorkshire. Don't take your beers to a table if you order at the bar though. The waitresses don't like it. If you are stood propping up the bar, tip well, and chances are the tender will get you a round in. 5/10

People- Famous for being pushy and rude, I was a little disappointed. Most of the natives were pretty friendly. All the arseholes seem to hang out hang out in the so called Bohemian districts, such as Greenwich Village, or SoHo. The folk who live, work and frequent such districts are in a serious danger of disappearing up their own butt holes. Like most major Metropolises, tourists predominate, especially around tourist haunts like Ground Zero, and the Empire State Building. If you want to find anywhere, or get lost, ask a concierge, or hotel doorman for directions, as nobody else seems to where anything is. 7/10

Stuff- There is more stuff here than you can shake a stick at. Shopping, Art, Attractions, Baseball, Gridiron and tons of bars. I didn't do any nightclubs, I really don't need some wanker telling me I am wearing the wrong pants, but there are loads of bars, most serving until at least 2a.m., more often4. A good choice of tittie bars, I recommend Flasdancers, just off Broadway, between 52nd and 53rd. You pay an entrance fee, there is a floor show and table service. The girls cover the four corners of the globe, are big time fit, and there is a distinct lack of silicone. Don't fuck around though, the bouncers make the one's at the Banana Bar look like pygmies. A fine place to spend the afternoon is Grand Central Station, one of the most awe inspiring buildings these eyes have clapped on. It has a concourse running underneath with numerous bars and food joints, my favourite is the Mexican one. Frosted glass and Tequila. Mmmmmmmmmm 10/10

Reputation- The city that never sleeps. Apart from Sunday nights, when it is strangely quiet. Everybody has something they want to do, or see when they get there. From the old Mafia haunts of Little Itlay, to the vast shopping Meccas of Macy's and Bloomingdale's. I defy anyone not to like the place. 10/10

Intrigue- If the Credit Crunch wasn't in full swing, and I announced a soiree to the Big Apple, the take up would be good. The problem is everybodies bint would want to go. Probably more than the geezers. Friends and Sex and the City have an awful lot to answer for......8/10

Verdict- 40/50 A great place for a lairy weekender with the lads, but.... it is a slightly better place to take the missus, especially if she doesn't mind you taking the Boy Dazzler along for when she's swanning around Macy's. Blow jobs and Kisses, with the missus..................GENDER (just)