Summer Time??

Trust the great British summer to strike again. As i am preparing to go up to the malt Shovel for not only John the Don's birthday, but the return of one Andy Stoney, it is looking like its about to piss it down. I have been back in the UK over two weeks now, and the weather sucks. Global Warming my hairy arse. But I will not be put off, and beer needs to be drunk, so I will probably be getting pissed and piss wet threw at the same time. I am now heading to the bookies, come on Spain, 3-1 will do nicely.

Away Days

Sorry I am a few days late, I still can't seem to get turned round, and am falling asleep at nine o'clock on an evening. As regular readers are aware, I like to contrast big arenas with humbler grass roots stadia, and after last weeks trip to a major league baseball park, this week I am taking a trip down the minor leagues. For those unfamiliar with the workings of American baseball league structure, there are basically four divisions. At the top is the Major Leagues, who have no relegation or promotion. Each team in the MLB (Major League Baseball) has several feeder teams, used as reserve teams to bring on young talent, rehabilitate injured players or check out a risky veteran before signing him. They are broken down into AAA, AA and single A, AAA being the level just below the MLB. These teams are usually found in mid size cities, although places such as Memphis and Indianapolis also have them. So that's the background, now onto this weeks Away Days venue, which is 5/3rd Field in Toledo, Ohio, home of the Toledo Mudhens, one of the oldest minor league teams going. They are currently affiliated to the Detroit Tigers. The ground follows the recent, in America anyway, fashion for regenerating the downtown area, and fifht/third field is smack in the middle of Toledo. Around the ground there are a few bars and restaurants, and even though it wasn't a large crowd, there was a feeling around the stadium that was pretty good. But there is one small drawback to this downtown venue. It is in downtown Toledo. Imagine Sunderland without any character, and you get an idea of what Toledo is like. The ground has been built with a retro feel, and it is a grand place to while away an hour or three watching baseball on a sunny afternoon. All the seats have good views, and in between innings there is plenty of nonsense going on to stop interest waning. I particularly liked the mascots, Muddy the Mudhen, and his wife Muddonna. As an introduction to the game, particularly for kids, you can't go wrong, entry for the game we went to was $9 (£5).

Statistics

• Capacity-10,300
  
• Concessions-Excellent. Beers in seats, and more kinds of sausage than you could shake a stick at. My fave was the Polish Kielbasi with horseradish, chased down by an ice cold Miller Lite. Stuffed sandwiches, pizza, burgers you name it they sold it.
  
• Built-2002
  
• Did You Know?-Was named the best minor league ball park in America, by Newsweek
  
• Visited By-Big Al, American Frank and Euro Bri
  
• Rating-Park Pitch-It is a superb facility, but it is still minor league, and loses marks for lack of atmosphere. The immediate surrounding are pretty good, but nosedive in a hurry, as Toledo could be the poster town for the Mid-West Rust Belt, the town has practically nothing to offer downtown. Worth a detour, if you were in the area.
  

Euro 2008 Final

Well the Krauts did their usual last gasp thing and upset a surprisingly good Turkish tea, as expected. I still think the Germans are over rated, but you can't argue with their knack of reaching the last rounds of major tournaments. The other semi final saw the Spaniards put in a stellar second half display to see of the Russkies. I can't believe Fabregas doesn't make the starting line up, once he came on he seemed to transform an out of sorts Spain team. I thought they might have peaked, and after they demolished the Dutch, I strongly fancied the ex commies to win. Shows how much I know. Still the second half performance by the Spaniards was one of the best I have seen at international level for many a year. If they can reproduce that form, they should beat an ordinary German team hands down. I still think our Teutonic friends will find a way, but I will be rooting for the boys from the Iberian peninsula. I am having a tenner on a 3-1 Spanish victory.

So the Euros are nearly complete, and although they were good, the lack of England seriously dented my enthusiasm, although I seem to be in a minority who think they wouldn't have shamed themselves (if that arsehole McLaren wasn't in charge, I might add). Apart from Spain, and in the early rounds Holland and Croatia, I think the quality of football has been pretty mediocre. The French were dire, the Turks lucky, Italians boring and the Germans average. Compared to championships of the past, this and the last two World Cups have been pretty shit. Don't agree? Try and think of a memorable match that matches what is seen in the Champions League every year. Is there anybody out there who seriously thinks any of the teams in Austria/Switzerland would beat Man Utd or Inter, or even any of the top twenty teams in Europe? Back to England. I have no fear that we will qualify for 2010, and if we can get rid of our inferiority complex when we play the likes of Portugal and Brazil, I think we can win it. Why not? Look at the Italians, current World Cup holders. Who would you have out of their side in an England team? Bufon, for sure, perhaps Pirlo, but then who? Hopefully Capello can whip our prima donnas into shape.

JTD Gets his Bus Pass

John the Don turns 65 this Sunday, and we are all getting together to celebrate the old duffer qualifying for his bus pass. The plan is to have a few beers down the Malt Shovel, from 13:00 hours onwards. For this portion of the evening it is a free for all, I am going down with the trouble and strife and bambinos, weather permitting, as there is a decent sized beer garden. Later on though is the culmination of the Euro 2008 football finals, and it would be awfully rude not to watch the final, so it will be beers a plenty.

JMF Crumble

The Euro boys were too hot to handle for the cock munchers last night, as they strolled to an eight goal victory. The Mofo started out all right, even going two up at one stage, but the Elite kept their shape and surged into a five goal lead at the quarter hour mark. And that about sums up the game. Every now and then the arse bandits would get within three goals of equalising, but a quick burst from the Righteous soon restored a healthy lead. At the final bell, we had prevailed by eight, which may be hard on the MoFo, as Luklear War had gone down injured, but it made no difference to the final result. Sorry about the brevity of this report, but I am knackered.

P.S. Everyone has agreed buffoon points are to be awarded to Funky, who told me Mercenary was on holiday. As we vainly tried to get hold of Young Gaz, guess who walked through the door. What a muppet.


Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Dead Eye, Funky, Luklear and King Dave

EURO E- Crespo, Mercenary, Shouty, Euro Bri and JohnnyM

2008 Season

• JMF wins -11



• Euro Elite - 13



• Draws - 0

Euro 2008

We are finally down to the final four, and I figure it is time I stuck my two pence worth in. I saw most of the group games in the USA, and it has been, give or take, a pretty good tournament. My pre tourney pick, Croatia, and Holland looked the best two teams, but were found out in the quarter finals. I was most surprised by Turkey, who are in the semis having only lead the games they have won by something like 8 minutes. It makes you wonder if their name is on the trophy. They play the Germans, who for me, feature the player of the tournament Michael Ballack. I know Villa has scored more, and the Russian geezer played a blinder against the Dutch, but Ballack is the only big name player who has enhanced his reputation during this competition. Ronaldo was found lacking, there are no Wigans and Derby to beat up on in Euro 2008, and Torres has not exactly set the world alight. As for the French, they have started to look their age big time, and Thierry Henry seems a shadow of the player he was just a couple of seasons ago. Back to Mr Show Pony, Ronaldo. Isn't his seemingly imminent move to Real Madrid great? After watching Manchester United use the exact same methods to pry Rio, Rooney and the like away from their clubs, it is lovely to see the grumpy twat Fergie getting a taste of his own medicine. How I chortle seeing glory hunting fans bearing his name on their shirts, and I will pull over and laugh at any passerby who is wearing a Portugal shirt (as long as they are not Portuguese). But the sad fact is, I don't think it will make that much difference to United. Yes he scored over 40 goals this season, but I bet Tevez and Rooney can't wait to be relieved of doing all his donkey work for him. And if they get the reported 50 million Euros plus that Madrid are willing to cough up, they will be able to strengthen an already deep squad as well. Still it is good to see the lad move on to a bigger club.

Back to Austria and Switzerland. I can't see Turkey beating Germany, to many injuries and suspensions, plus their luck has to run out sometime, but look at the last Euros and what happened to Greece, so my brass is staying in my pocket on this one. In the other semi, Spain seem to possess all the talent to win this game, but I think the emotional first ever win on penalties, over Italy may have taken it out of them. I know they spanked the Russkies in the first round as well, but I think Hiddink has them peaking at just the right time, so I am going for a Russia-Germany final next Sunday. In the final, Russia will be two goals up with ten minutes left, and some how the Krauts will mange to equalise deep into injury time. You just know who will win the penalty shoot out.

P.S.
To all those idiots who say it is just as well England didn't qualify cause they are not good enough (I mean you Shouty). We beat Russia 3-0 in the qualifiers, and if Gerrard had not missed a sitter just prior to half time against the Ruskies, and that muppet McLaren hadn't made a series of tactical fuck ups, we would have qualified with ease. And is anyone out there seriously going to tell me Turkey are a better side than England? Roll on 2010.

Future Events

I have been back four days now, and it is time to put my recent voyage behind me, and begin to look forward to what is on offer for the remainder of 2008. First up is Tom's stag night. It is officially booked, and it is good to see some old Bender Squad mainstays making the trip. It is all systems go to the Emerald Island and the fair city of Dublin on the weekend of the 6th of September. This will however put paid to any plans to go to Italy this year, as I have not recently won the lottery, and with the credit crunch starting to eat up my overtime, prudence will need to be used. This will NOT, however put paid to a football jaunt for the lads this year. Happen we may have to set our sights a little lower though. In past years we have visited the mighty structures that are home to some of Europes mightiest teams. The Nou Camp. Santiago Brenabeau. Amsterdam AreaA. Allianz Arena. Valley Parade. So for a change it might be nice to go a little more grassroots. The city I have in mind is considered one of the greatest on the planet. London town no less. Yet the ground may not be familiar to all of you. It is Griffin Park, that I propose we visit, home of the humble Brentford Football Club. They play the Mighty Bantams on the 13th of December, and we plan to make a weekend of it, going down Friday afternoon, and catching the train back sometime Sunday. I would recommend that anybody who decides to come along book of the Monday, as these jaunts can get a bit messy. Me, Crespo and the Shoutster are definitely going, but as usual, the more the merrier. Whilst we are on the subject of the Mighty Bantams, don't forget the first game of the season is at home, against Notts County. We had a ball last year, hope to see you there.

In Search of the Holy Meatball

While I was away in the USA, my quest for the Holy Meatball (the best meatball in the world) I sampled several varieties, some good, some not so good. First the not so good, and I am finding something of a trend on this one. Went to a place called Carmie's, which is affiliated with a big hotel chain, and it has to be said it was the worst one of my journey. The trend I have associated this with, is corporate style fake Italian diners, a la Frankie and Benny's, which always seem to be pre frozen taste free offerings that should be avoided. An abomination, in fact, to the good name of Meatballs everywhere. The second one I tried was a small family run local Italian in Tiffin, called Reino's. They did Meatballs with just about everything. They did a lasagna stuffed with them (superb), a huge submarine sandwich, dripping with cheese and marinara sauce (excellent) and finally something called a meatball rollover, which is like a calzone, with a huge M'ball in the middle. It was beautiful, but massive. Even the Mighty Frankster struggled to finish it. These were my M'balls of choice on this visit. I tried one a TJ Willies, also in the vast metropolis of Tiffin, which was served with spaghetti bgolognese, and a worthy effort it was, but none of them, not even Reino's could match up to the spicy Meatball served up at the Cafe Candia on Legrams Lane in Bradford. Apart from Carmies, they were all good, neigh great efforts for sure. They were moist, a good size, and extremely tasty, but they lacked that little spicy kick you get in the Candia. In fact I am off for some tonight, before I make my grand return to the George. Please feel free to help me in the quest for my own personal Holy Grail, and I will accept any recommendations gratefully. In fact I am even considering starting up a whole new separate blog dedicated to scrummy deliciousness of the spherical pork and beef, covered in gooey cheese and smothered in marinara sauce goodness that is the Mighty M'ball!!!!

Losing Return

Well after all those pancakes for breakfast what did you expect? I was alright for the first half hour, and then my lack of exercise over the last three and a bit weeks began to show. To be fair I wasn't alone, we wasted loads of chances, and even managed to blow a five goal lead. Crespo let a shed load in when he went in nets, not all his fault, and the cock munchers never looked back. Dead Eye scored a hat full, and to be fair they probably just deserved to prevail. I hate those knob jockeys. I am off to bed.

Line-ups;

JMF- Jamon, Dead Eye, Funky, Luklear and King Dave

EURO E- Crespo, Young Gaz, Shouty, Euro Bri and JohnnyM

2008 Season

• JMF wins -11



• Euro Elite - 12



• Draws - 0

Back Home

Three weeks has flown by, and I am now sat infront of my PC unable to sleep, as I am firmly stuck on US time. I thought I had got turned round quite nicely, I even got up and went to work. But when I got there, I found out I was still down as being on holiday. Result. This meant I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon, and now I can't get to sleep. So what was America like? This is the first time I have been back to my hometown for about five years, and not much has changed looks wise. The downtown area of Tiffin is still full of empty shops, probably more so. Wal-Mart opened an even bigger outlet, and moved it further out of town, so nobody really bothers going any where in the town centre. My cousin reckons the only people you see there are the homeless and me. But it is still a nice looking place, and the locals are as friendly as anywhere I've ever been Oh, and everything is dirt cheap compared to the UK. Everybody bitches about the price of gas, $4 a gallon, and look at you with amazement when you inform them that Gordon Brown and his taxes mean we stump up nearly $12 in comparison. Property is pretty much the same. Frank paid £40,000 for his four bedroom bungalow, with double garage and half an acre of land and clothing is for peanuts, everyday all the stores seem to think up new ways of having a sale, and when you get to the checkout you always seem to get another 10-15% knocked off. TV is a bit of a chore, adverts seem to show every ten minutes, and go on for ages. Most of them involve Drugs for old folk ailments, in particular boners. They make these pills and potions seem like the greatest thing since sliced bread, and then BAM, they hit you with side effects. My favourite one is a side effect for geezers who have trouble peeing. "If you get erections that last longer than four hours, please consult a doctor." Or another one for skin complaints. "whilst using please refrain from touching pregnant women." I kid you not. Then there is the Euro 2008 coverage, hosted by a cloned American sportscaster, some bint who played for the USA's womens team, a seriously weird little Irish leprechaun and Andy Gray. That's right, Sky Sports own I know everything Andy Gray. I saw the series finale of Lost while I was there too. It is about the most preposterous ending you could imagine. Some fella goes into a cave, turns a big wheel and the whole island disappears, and moves to a new location. Again, I kid you not. But apart from the TV, and all pervasiveness of Wal-Mart, it is still a great country. I did a lot off travelling this time, I managed to visit in parts 10 different states, and I have to admit I am toying with the idea of moving back. Standout places that I went, were Chicago, whenever I go there I always seen to end up drunk. Went to the Cubs game, via Hooters and numerous other bars, before ending the night in an old speak easy. Sorted out the hangover with a stacked Italian beef sandwich from the aptly named Mr Beef. Memphis-we have gotta do a bender down Beale Street. It is stacked full of bars playing blues, and is Margaretta heaven. Even Graceland didn't disappoint. Indianapolis-apart from my speeding ticket, had a great night. More subbdued than the towns mentioned previously, but friendly, with a high concentration of bars around the downtown, and cheaper than the other two as well. Those were the three standouts, but I didn't go anywhere that sucked. Tupelo, Lynchburg, Toledo, South Bass Island, Alabama and Cleveland were all great, but I didn't have as much time to spend in them as the others (Lynchburg is home to 381 people, the Jack Daniels Distilliry and is in a dry county, I think I might have seen and done all it has to offer). I am already planning for a trip next year, probably around the same time of year, as the weather is good. It was in the high eighties-low nineties everyday, apart from our trip to the Windy City which was down in the forties and cold. Of course the high temperatures meant thunderstorms, but they blow by pretty quick, I drove through three in Kentucky alone. There were two pretty spooky nights though. The first wasn't too bad, because I was wankered, but we had a full blown Tornado warning. It was weired sat there with Big Al passed out on the sofa, as me and my cousins waited to see if the warning sirens went off, but it passed by, landing in a town about 15 miles north. The second I was stone cold sober. There was no Tornado warning, but I have never heard thunder and lightning like it. It was so loud it even woke Frank up. Anyway I reckoned I have bored you enough now, so I am going to upload some photos to the smugmug site. For those of you who don't have the address it is www.bendersquad.smugmug.com.
These include some pictures of my first visit to a barbers in twelve years. We got back from our road trip early, and I decide to get my what remains of my hair tidied up by our childhood barber. We were chatting away, when the Elster let slip that she had never known me with hair. Frankie, the barber not my dad, stopped what he was doing, and went to cupboard, coming back with three boxes. I can fix that he said, and whipped out a variety of toupees. See if your reaction matches the Elsters as you bear witness to the Brister with hair;

She had to ask to use the toliet, for fear of pissing her pants, she laughed that hard.

Last but not least, I couldn't resist including this video clip from the Memorial Day parade down Tiffin high street. These old fellas are from an institution called the Shrieners, who get together to raise money fro charity, wear fez's and do this at parades.

Away Days

Hello again, after a three week hiatus it's time to rate another sporting venue. After weeks of exclusively reviewing football stadia, I thought it would be good to rate an American venue. So I decided to start with a baseball park, the iconic Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs, and one of the oldest sporting homes in the USA. It oozes charisma, from it's old 1920's welcome sign, past it's ivy covered outfield walls, to its huge hand operated scoreboard and the bleacher seats built on the roofs of surrounding buildings for illicit viewing. It is within spitting distance of the Loop train network and situated smack in the middle of a residential neighbourhood. Before the game the place is crawling with street vendors hawking everything from merchandise and tickets to packets of peanuts, and there are more bars than you could shake a stick at. Inside the place is cosy, and you can buy grub from just about any corner of the globe. I recommend the massive pretzels that keep you thirsty for the oversize beers on sale. The team itself are best known for there streak of ineptitude, they haven't won, a world series for 100 years, and even when they get close to breaking this duck, usually mange to blow it in a spectacular style. This has given rise to the "Billy Goat Curse" which legend has that when a local fan and his goat, who he had bought a seat for, were ejected during the 1945 World Series versus the Detroit Tigers. As he was shown the door, he cursed the Cubs "the Cubs ain't gonna win no more" and to this day have never made it back to baseball finals. Of course because they haven't been successful for so long, they have become lovable underdogs. The only thing to be wary of is the wind blowing in off the lake. The day I went it was freezing cold. Anyhow, enough history, this has got to be the ultimate place to watch a ball game. Fenway Park in Boston is just as old and storied, but I have yet to visit, and Yankee Stadium is to pulled down at the end of the season. All I know is American Frank has been to all three and rates Wrigley as the pick of the bunch. So if you are ever in Chicago during the summer, and the Cubs are in town (and if you can score tickets) get yourself down there. It doesn't matter if you don't understand all the rules, it is an American must.

Statistics

• Capacity-41,116
  
• Concessions-This is America, baby, and the food and drink stalls are out of this world. Hell, they even have folk walking around the place who will bring your grub and beer to your seat. The beer is a little on the pricey side, but show me a sports team that doesn't overcharge. The food ranges from peanuts to pizzas.
  
• Built-1914, for the princely sum of $250,000
  
• Did You Know?- Wrigley was the last park to install floodlights, not hosting a night game until 1988
  
• Visited By-Big Al, American Frank and Euro Bri
  
• Rating-Mount Olympus-This place has everything-History, Location, Looks and although it doesn't have the atmosphere of a footie game, it still buzzes. As I have said above, an absolute must see for any sports enthusiast. Plus tickets can be bought for the bleachers for the modest sum of $22, which is currently about £12. I think the bleacher tickets are cheaper, and can only be purchased on the day.

Homeward Bound

Well my time in the USA is fast running out. It's been a great time, and I am not looking forward to returning to work in the slightest, but what you gonna do? When I get back I will post some of the shenanigans I got up to, and no doubt will fit in a return session some where during the next two weeks, to catch up on what's been happening in Blighty. See you soon.

Footie

Thanks to Crespo for once again providing this update;



Ok mate, here it is:



Euro Elite,Crespo, Johnny Media, Young Gaz, Shouty, Mercenary



Jamon MofosJamon, King Dave, Funky, Luklear, Deadeye



Euro Elite controlled the game from start to finish winning by 3 goals. Defensively we were too good for the Mofo's as we caught them on the break time after time thanks to the pace of Young Gaz up front. However, the Funky did manage to score a fine goal taking the ball past Crespo and then The Mercenary before placing the ball coolly into the corner of the goal. Star man goes to Shouty as he put in another 'Makelele-esque' performance. Its not pretty from the Shoutster, but very effective. Special mention to Deadeye who banged in a few of his speciality 150mph bullets which ended up being meer(??) consolation for the Mofo's.

2008 Season

• JMF wins -10



• Euro Elite - 12



• Draws - 0

Ouch!!!!!

Howdy Y'all. This is probably my last report from my hometown, as it is nearly time to come home, and I will be busy over the next couple of days. First up is my sorry tale at the local swimming pool. It has a diving area, the water is ten foot deep, and me and the kids were having a ball jumping in and goofing off. The Elster piped up "When you are diving in, your bending your back too soon, and not going in straight enough." Well I decided to show her what a good diver I was (no pun intended), so I executed a perfect straight dive and smacked my head into the bottom of the pool. There was blood everywhere, and concerned people asking if I had blurred vision, felt nauseous etc. All I could think of was the fact that I had tickets to go see the Tribe play baseball. The Elster wanted to take me to the nearest hospital (30 miles away), but I told the pool attendant to slap a plaster on it and I would check it out in the morning. All I could think about was how many forms I would have to fill in. So I went to Cleveland with a plaster stuck on my bonce oozing blood, but it was worth it as the tribe won. Tonight I am off to dull the throbbing pain with lashings off beer, much to the Elsters consternation, but at least I will have something to blame the hangover on. Let's hope it has knocked some sense out of me. Well my trip is nearly at it's conclusion, and I will be back in Blighty on Monday morning and back to work on Tuesday. I am looking forward to seeing the lads, but I could get used to this not working mularky quite easily. Till Tuesday, y'all take care now.

Footie Report

Cheers go out to Crespo for sending me this;

The 5 a side report is as follows:
Teams
Euro Elite Crespo, Johnny M, Shouty, Clogs, Young Gaz

Jamon Mofos Jamon, Luklear, Funky, King Dave, Patty (Late rep. for Deadeye)

We won eventually by around 6 goals after a strong finish which we trailed for much of the game. Funkys controversial hand ball being the turning point having lead at that time by 2 with around 20 mins to go. Comedy moment of the match was Shouty being fouled and felled while in goal by his own net!!

2008 Season

• JMF wins -10



• Euro Elite - 11



• Draws - 0

Road Trip

A window of opportunity has presented itself, so here is my a synopsis of my road trip. We set off on our nine state odyssey early on Tuesday morning, driving through three thunderstorms on our way to the home of Jack Daniels whiskey, Lynchburg Tennessee. A big up tom yhe G-Spot, the satnav worked like a dream, as we made our way 529 miles on our first leg. I decided from the off to flout the speed limits, as my GPS dared me to reach my destination quicker than the time it had allotted. At first everything went smoothly, till the car in front flashed it's sirens somewhere in mid Kentucky. Curses, I thought, as the Elster called me a few choice expletives. He moved onto the central reservation as I practised my best English toff accent and tried to think up some excuse. But nothing happened. He didn't get out of his car, and after five minutes reversed back and rolled down his window. "Can I help you sir" he said. I asked if he was pulling me for speeding. "No sir, I am parking up" said he, as I said nice one and peeled off due south. The JD tour was good, and the local motel cheap and clean, but it a one horse town, where everything shuts at 6 p.m. and even worse, it is smack in the middle of a dry county! An early night was the only option. The next day we set off early to visit Elvis's birthplace in Tupelo, Mississippi. I wasn't expecting much, but surprisingly liked it. We pulled up and went to reception to buy tickets for the museum and house where he spent the first thirteen years off his life. The museum was good, nothing flash, but informative and put together by people who genuinely seemed to love the King. "How do we get to his house?" I asked the usher when we came out. "You walked past it on the way in sugar pie" I was informed. It was easy done, as the place was the size of my garage. If Crespo would have been there, I know for sure he would have sang the garden shed song. We stayed an hour or so, before setting off on the last lag of our 320 mile journey to Memphis. We checked in at the Heartbreak Hotel, and although I have stayed in much worse accommodation, it was a little disappointing. Not in a bad way, but the building was in need of some TLC and seemed to have seen better days. Of course it was Elvis by the bucket load, they even had a channel playing nowt but Elvis movies, but seeing as we had got in late, we decided to head for Beale Street, home of the Blues. It was fucking brilliant. The street it shut off to everyone but motorcycles, and everyone is walking around drinking and lstening to bads play the blues. My personal fave was Wet Willies, which had a bark of squishy machines full of various cocktails. Bender Squad heaven. After a couple of Margaritas, and several beer chasers we retired for the evening as we had a busy day planned, we were headed to Gracelands. The tour is good, the house is a monument to 1970's taste, the Jungle Room, with it's green shag piled ceiling, a definite highlight. It is not as big as you would imagine, but it is tastefully done, the collection of jumpsuits is brilliant. After spending a few hours, it was time to fill up and take off. The area must have been a lot nicer in the King's day, as I dodged pan handlers at the gas station 800 metres from his house. Time was not on our side however, and we decided to head for Indianapolis instead of St Louis, as it meant we were nearer to home on our last night. The GPS still said it was a 470 mile trip that would take around seven hours, a challenge if I ever heard one. We crossed the Mississippi river twice, drove through five states, one twice, and pitched up in Indy at around 8 p.m. We checked into a hotel, and hit Hooters for wings, then an Irish bar for a night cap. In the morning we set off with just a quick 250 mile drive to get home, and I took off intending to beat the TomTom once more. Just out of Indianapolis though, I heard a siren, looked into my rear view mirror and saw I was being pursued by the law, and this time it was no mistake. I pulled into the side off the road, and waited for the officer to approach. I noticed I was in a 55 m.p.h. zone. "What's the hurry?" he enquired. "I thought I was in a 70 m.p.h. zone" was all I could think to say. "But you were doing 90!" he replied, and I knew the game was up. He looked at my English driving licence, and went back to his patrol car. After what seemed like forever, he came back and gave me a ticket. "I don't know if they will raise a warrant if you don't pay this" he said, "that's up to you, but you need to slow down!" And off he went, leaving me clutching a $165 dollar fine. It succeeded in slowing me down whilst I was in Indiana, but once we were back in Ohio, the pedal hit the medal, and I was back in Tiffin 40 minutes ahead of the GPS estimate. I haven't decided what to do about the ticket, but it is unlikely I will cough up for it, I will just have to steer clear of Indiana.

Howdy Y'all

Sorry about the lack of postings, the trip was time consuming to say the least, and no where I stayed had free Internet access. To top it off when I got back into Tiffin last Friday, I entered a drinking challenge and spent most of Saturday in bed with a nasty hangover, which didn't prevent me getting drunk again on Sunday. It is red hot here at the moment, it has been in the mid nineties everyday for over a week, and there was even a tornado warning last Friday, which was quite a buzz. I am catching up om a lot of stuff tonight, so I will try and get on tomorrow to let you know how the road trip got on. If I can stay off the beer.

Road Trip

Howdy, Y'all. After another boozy weekend, a graduation party and a fortieth birthday to boot, I am recovered enough to undertake my next adventure, as me and the Elster take off on a four day road trip. We set off tonight for Kentucky, then onto Tennessee, taking in Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois and Indiana on the way. I was going to try and rodger the old trouble and strife in every state we passed through, but at my age I reckon I'd be going some to manage two of 'em. Highlights of the journey, or low lights if you ain't into the same thing, include the Jack Daniels distillery, Graceland, Beale Street, Elvis Presley's birthplace and the Budweiser brewery in St Louis. That's if we don't get hijacked in the deep south, cause I sure do have a purtty mouth (if you don't understand, watch Deliverance). Hopefully we will be staying in some lodgings with Internet, so I should be able to post some updates, and do the five a side results, but if not I am back in Tiffin on Friday, where I have been challenged to some kind of drinking contest. The honour of the Bender Squad rests in my hands.