Friday, April 18, 2014
Crespo Quotes
"Do you think they have Shisha in Turkey?"
Back Blogging
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Away Days- Wembley
Crespo, Patty and Big Al, down Wembley way |
We can see you sneaking out!!! |
On what planet is this a pie? |
Statistics
- Capacity-90,000
- Concessions- Yes they are expensive. But for your money you get ultra quick service, a good variety (you can buy fish and chips) and the portions are pretty generous. Yet they lack something, being in the main the fast food, never mind the quality look how big it is!
- Built- 2007
- Did You Know?- The stadium contains 2,168 toilets, more than any venue in the world
- Visited By- Euro Bri, El Grande Queso, Crespo, Funky, Big Al, Helmet, Geester, Jamon and Malccy and just about everybody chuffing else now...
- Rating- Mount Olympus- If for no other reason than the name Wembley. It has hosted numerous finals, Live Aid and is known throughout the world. Apart from Pele, every single one of the worlds elite players has graced its hallowed turf, and no matter what kind of structure stood here, it would still be an iconic venue. And lets face it, what other ground can you sing about visiting? Que sera, sera!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Is Anybody Out There?
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
Cod Army 2 Bantams 2
And it started really well, as city finally seemed to have got their shit together. The Cod Army was the team on the ropes now, and ten minutes in, the Bantams took the lead. All looked fair set for an important away victory, when my phone pinged an incoming text. Mickey D and Sprout had jiggered off to 'spoons! Now I would love to say that I resisted temptation, and loyally stayed to back my team to the death. But I didn't. The thought of pint in a warm pub proved far to tempting, and we made good our escape. As we turned the corner for the tram, we heard the roar that went up for the Cod Armies equaliser, which stayed the final result.
Kev Watch- After all the cup exploits, it was back to the bread and butter of the league. Things started out well, but the combination of my boredom, and the beer I had supped prior to the game, made for a tetchy affair. In fact I spent pretty much the whole first half (ably assisted by Geester) baiting our lanky hero. he was good value when we went in front, as we all dived bombed him in celebration, but the freezing seaside breeze soon cooled us off. Stayed to the death. 7/10
Pie Rating- We got off to a good start. They actually had pies! Several varieties to boot, and you could get mushy peas with 'em as well! I was going to get a guest review from Funky, but he got a pasty, which he didn't like. Said it was greasy. But this is "pie rating" so we don't really give a monkeys. Myself and my partner in crime, Geester, thought our pies were lovely. The meat and potato actually had meat in it (not always a given at lower league football grounds) and I thought the Steak was spot on, especially with the mushy peas, all for less than the 4 knicker. We both were in agreement. 7/10
Blackpool Buffoonery
Ropey- A strong performance from dread-locked one. After a night on the tiles in Blackpool, he ordered himself a taxi. When asked for his destination, he replied "Fleetwood" His mistake came to light when the driver asked which B&B he was staying at. "Grand central" the Ropemeister piped up. "There ain't no such place in Fleetwood" came the drivers reply. So back to Blackpool it was, and although the cab driver originally wanted £35, Ropey still had to cough up £20, for a trip that would have taken about five minutes to walk. He reckons it is a three pointer, but I motion a minimum of four, as stupidity is not excused just because you confess. I am sure there was more, but it alludes me for the moment. I am sure there will be more than a few reminders if I have forgotten any. 4 points.
Funky- A naked stroll around the hotel, in the wee hours searching for a bathroom, even though there was one just two feet from your bed. There are rumours that it was indeed Paul who laid the stenchiest pile of poo in Ropey Marks room, something that Big JB was blamed for..... Could mean extra points, but for the time being a couple sounds about right. 2 points
Helmet- After getting wankered the previous night, the Big fella needed a snooze, so missed us all going to the match, and had to make his own way there. Now Tony is not one to ask for directions, so instead of getting off the tram at Stanley Road, right next to the stadium, he made his way into Fleetwood town centre, and then proceeded to get lost. Just as the battery ran out on his mobile. A dodgy local gave him some bum directions, and instead of spending the afternoon with his chums at the football, had to wait for us back at the hotel. He also tried to get off the train via the toilet, but considering we had been in the pub all afternoon, can be forgiven A couple seems pretty fair to many, or am I being to generous? 2 points
King of the Pixies- "Where are we helmets" he enquired, with a sign saying Preston right behind his head. 1 point.
Now I have slept a couple of nights since all the shenanigans went down, so may well have forgotten a few. Do not hesitate to let me know, and any feedback on the points total is more than welcome.
On it's Arse?
2013 Standings
JMF-2
Euro-2
Draw- 0
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Away Days
Sorry for the lack of photos and video footage, got to the game late, and fucked up the video panorama.
Statistics
- Capacity-42,788
- Concessions- A tough one to call. Home of the original Balti pie, and I was looking well forward to scarfing one, but due to our late arrival, they had sold out! Instead I was left with probably the most insipid hot dog I have ever had the miss fortune to get my chompers round. Disappointed or disappointing? Will have to hope for another trip some time in the future.....
- Built-1897
- Did You Know?- Has hosted a record 55 FA Cup semi-finals
- Visited By- Euro Bri, El Grande Queso, Crespo, Funky, Big Al, Helmet, Geester, Jamon and Malccy
- Rating- Field of Dreams- My suspicion is this actually a grade higher, but as outlined above, I don't think I have had the pleasure of the full Villa match day experience. if I do, I shall revisit this post, and make the necessary amendments.
Killer Keisters
Of course come the days of summer I will probably be moaning about the hay fever and all the fat chicks wearing next to nothing, thinking they look like the hotties above, but that my friends is for another day. All that's left is this weeks G.A.S..
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Injury Hit MoFo Beaten
2013 Standings
JMF- 1
Euro-1
Draw- 0
Villains 2 Bantams 1
The first half did not bode well for the Bantams, as Villa bombarded the city goal from the first whistle. Playing in gold, the Bradford lads looked nervous, and on 20 minutes they went one up. A second goal looked inevitable, and the away team did well to make the break only a goal down. Everything pointed to an easy Villa win, and the end of the glory run to Wembley.
But the City manager must have given the mother of all team talks, as the lads came out for the second half transformed. The nerves looked to have settled, and the boys in gold started to gain a foothold in the game. A corner earned. The set play had proved Villas Achilles heel in the first leg, and we waited in anticipation. It was forced out for another. And then it happened. Local lad James Hanson was left unmarked, and his header crashed into the back of the net. Delirium in the away end, and the home team crumbled. A defender just flicked one away from Hanson, and Thompson hit the cross bar, as Villa looked beat. Of course, this being Bradford, a late Villa goal left us suffering palpitations for the last four minutes, but the defense held tight and history was made.....
Hot Dog Rating- Sold out of Balti pies! Had to make do with a hot dog instead. Which was fecking awful. El Queso gave it a 5 out of ten, but that must have been because he was hungry. Myself? I would give it a one. Tasteless, £3.10 and served luke warm. It gains it's solitary point due it being served in a decent-ish baguette style bun. Woeful. 1/10
Kev Watch- Due to ticketing difficulties, our lanky hero was sat/stood, in a totally different stand to us. As you can see from my blurry photo, it was nigh on impossible to pick him out. So I shall just go on instinct for this section. I reckon he whined throughout the first half, and then sang his heart out for the majority of the second. Going to give him another 100/10
Monday, January 21, 2013
K-K-K-K-Killer Keisters
Le Grande Buffoon 2013
As you are all well aware, the maillot jaune was left unworn last year. A failure on my behalf to keep tabs on the various shenanigans committed throughout 2012, meant any awarding of the Jersey would have been unfair. This year, however, I believe I have come up with a fool proof method of both reporting and scoring. A league of extraordinary gentlemen has been assembled to undertake all things buffoon. It is mixture of former winners, and perennial contenders, who shall hold forth, in a secret society, that shall concern itself solely with picking the worthy recipient on an annual basis. All points awarded, and a league table will be made available on this blog. It is via this medium that any appeals can be raised, however the double jeopardy rule will still apply (ie doubling of points for failed appeals). May the best buffoon prevail.